To not want MIL to “redo” our baby’s name with her priest?

[Bobcomp]

Bit of a weird one. MIL is super Catholic, we’re not religious at all. DH was raised that way but doesn’t really practise anymore. We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really. We chose her name together - it’s a bit modern but nothing out there. MIL smiled through gritted teeth at the time but didn’t say much.

Fast forward to now - she’s apparently gone and spoken to her priest (very traditional Catholic church she still goes to), and arranged for him to do a “proper” blessing in a couple of weeks. Only she’s told us she’ll be using DD’s middle name during it, because “it’s more suitable for a Christian child” and “closer to the saints”.

She says it’s not a big deal - that it’s just a personal thing between her and God and she’s not trying to change anything officially. But it feels really off to me. She’s literally taking it upon herself to get our daughter re-blessed with a different name because she doesn’t like the one we picked.

DH thinks it’s daft but harmless - says let her crack on, it’s just her being dramatic and it’s not like it’ll go on any documents. But I feel like it’s crossing a line? Like she’s trying to override us or pretend she’s the one naming our child? I don’t want this to turn into some weird power thing where she starts calling DD by her middle name and acting like that’s her “real” name.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

AIBU to think this is weird as hell and not ok? Or should I just ignore it and let her have her moment? It’s messing with my head more than it probably should.

CofE baptism is also valid in the Catholic church. You can't be baptized twice in those churches.
I'd be phoning Father Liam and telling he you do not consent to this and I wouldn't be letting MIL take DD anywhere without you there.

The insanity of this! “You’re welcome to come but it’s mainly for the family”?!?! Excuse me, what?! YOU and oh are your child’s family above all others! The audacity of this woman is astounding!
Speak to Father Liam and if you’re not happy with his response (anything other than shock and had been lied to that you were either fully onboard or your MIL was your child’s primary carer), I’d be contacting the diocese too, as this goes against Canon Law.

She’s rechristening your child into the Catholic Church. She’s intending that your child is brought up a catholic. If you don’t agree with this which it sounds like you don’t then it’s not harmless at all. She’ll be expecting regular church - Sunday school benediction confirmation the works and she’ll be expecting to run it.

Abs not on. I think you need to take your child away for that day in case she tries to talk anyone round.
Tell her she can do what she wants but your baby will not be attending.

Your DH needs to be explaining this to his mother.

Not you, so he can pretend he's some poor pathetic piggy in the middle of two difficult women when you've done absolutely nothing and his mother is an entitled nut job.

He needs to grow a spine and deal with her, in the same way you'll be dealing with the priest.

Missing the point of the thread I know but ‘we’re not religious at all’ yet you had a ‘low key christening’. Did you not feel a bit hypocritical when you organised the Christening or did you just want some nice pictures in a church? 🙄

It’s a thing mainly for the family but you - THE MOTHER - don’t need to be there!!!! A HARD no from me

Just batshit. I’d love to listen to the phone call when you call father Liam 😂

My children are baptised. I’d tell the priest for sure, don’t even tell mil just cc her on the email. Nopity nope nope, and tell your dh no he will not just ignore it!

Don't put up with that
It's your child ,not mil child
Get her told no

depends on how much experience he has had......he may have been spun a story eg "my daughter in law has been sooo unwell so I am arranging it for her....oh yes of course she wants me to do it" Its amazing what people will believe.

Parents can do so because of family traditions and ties. They don’t need to be practising but sometimes there is a wider feeling of unity, or they feel the child has a better choice in adulthood to practise themselves. It’s not about the pictures.

Say NO.
She can arrange christenings for her own DC not yours.

My MIL arranged a whole christening (I didn’t want to christen DD and frankly the priest was horrible to me while being all smiles to my DP at the time) and frankly she only got away with it because I was too young to stand up for myself.

If it were now (in my 30s) I’d swiftly put a stop to it. Yes, it’s her religion, but it’s not her child. And your husband humouring it is just going to embolden her to keep interfering: now it’s the christening, then it’s catechism, then it’s communions, then it’s confirmation… it just goes on and on and if not something you want, then it’s not okay.

I think its pretty common for people who are not actually atheist to have their children christened. I'd say its between them and the priest or vicar.

I am all in favour of allowing in-laws to do their crazy, but I wouldn't allow this.

Well now you know that despite being the mother you are not family. I bet Father Liam knows exactly what’s going on and has agreed to the baptism. Time for your husband to step up and put his wife and child first.

Oh, totally disagree. If the Church had had a history of sticking to religion only, I would totally agree.

But given that they involved themselves in schools, hobbies, healthcare, social care, other people's morality, politics and everything else, they are now part of my culture and as such, I feel perfectly entitled as a atheist Catholic to get married in church. As far as I am concerned, they started it, not me. I just take my culture as I received it, nothing to do with my lack of religion.

MIL would be getting baptized in the flames of my wrath.

i think your husband has to find the courage to tell his mother to butt out or she will not be seeing her granddaughter at all. Ever.

I am not a Catholic and don't really like any religion, my DC were not Christened
However, if MIL is VERY Catholic then she probably (wrongly) genuinely is worried that if your child dies without this she will not make it into Heaven.
Whether you want to entertain such nonsense is up to you

She sounds so busy ticking religious boxes that she’s forgetting the basics of Christian behaviour - to be accepting and respectful of others.

Don’t be afraid to say no.

This, with bells on

I’m betting Father Liam would have a conniption if he knew the child was actually already baptised and this was a stealth re-christening!

I also want to add that your MIL is not only a nutcase but also a bad Catholic. You can't get converted to be a Catholic by having a second baptism to overule the Protestant one. By having a Protestant baptism you have already fulfilled the first sacrament of the Catholic Church so to become a Catholic you then partake in the rest of the sacraments e.g. confirmation etc. Also it is a cornerstone belief that the child's mother is responsible for the religious upbringing of the child due to the importance placed on the Virgin Mary in the upbringing of Christ. By overuling the child's mother on this (and other things like the child's name) she is going against central tenets of her faith by supplanting the sacred authority of the child's mother. Also, there is no requirement for the child to be named after a saint. It's tradition yes but not mandatory. That's why you take a saint's name at confirmation.

I would honestly go LC or NC with your MIL and not let your child see her alone after this (at least until your DH stands up to your MIL and asserts some boundaries).