To not want MIL to “redo” our baby’s name with her priest?

[Bobcomp]

Bit of a weird one. MIL is super Catholic, we’re not religious at all. DH was raised that way but doesn’t really practise anymore. We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really. We chose her name together - it’s a bit modern but nothing out there. MIL smiled through gritted teeth at the time but didn’t say much.

Fast forward to now - she’s apparently gone and spoken to her priest (very traditional Catholic church she still goes to), and arranged for him to do a “proper” blessing in a couple of weeks. Only she’s told us she’ll be using DD’s middle name during it, because “it’s more suitable for a Christian child” and “closer to the saints”.

She says it’s not a big deal - that it’s just a personal thing between her and God and she’s not trying to change anything officially. But it feels really off to me. She’s literally taking it upon herself to get our daughter re-blessed with a different name because she doesn’t like the one we picked.

DH thinks it’s daft but harmless - says let her crack on, it’s just her being dramatic and it’s not like it’ll go on any documents. But I feel like it’s crossing a line? Like she’s trying to override us or pretend she’s the one naming our child? I don’t want this to turn into some weird power thing where she starts calling DD by her middle name and acting like that’s her “real” name.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

AIBU to think this is weird as hell and not ok? Or should I just ignore it and let her have her moment? It’s messing with my head more than it probably should.

I am a practicing catholic and my children were raised catholic, none of them practice, and my grandson has not been baptised/christened. Do I have an opinion, no, he is their child, they are raising him to be a good kind person, that is good enough for me. Your MIL in a nutter and is seriously overstepping, I would not be letting her do this.

All that is needed for a baptism to be recognised by the Catholic church is water is used, poured over or immersed, and the words I baptise there in the name of the Father, and if the Son and of the Holy Spirit. The only other is a serious intention on the part of the parents. You don't need a church, a priest or oil. Once Baptised you cannot be Baptised again although other denominations don't necessarily think the same.

I'm quite stunned at your nonchalant attitude to the holy sacrament that was administered to your baby at her baptism, tbh. It is one of the most 'mega religious' things that you can do.

That aside, MIL is bang out of order. Speak DIRECTLY to the priest. He will not baptise the child if he knows that you and DH do not consent.

Gently remind her that 'limbo' is no longer a thing and she needn't be worried about that. Also the saint's name as a first name is no longer a big deal either.

No priest I have ever met would agree to this. Contact Liam and tell him the bay is already baptised and your MIL is upsetting you. He can deal with it.

I'm Catholic, but there is no way in hell I'd be on board with this.
Your DH is being a wet lettuce not challenging his Mother over this.
I mean, presumably your baby doesn't need to be present for this, so it'll probably go ahead with or without your consent?
But, it's absolutely batshit and so disrespectful to her actual parents.

Absolutely not ok, and whatever you do don't send your child to a Catholic school just to please her, unless of course you decide that is what you want.

I’m astonished a priest agreed to this and would be getting in touch with Father Liam sharpish and giving him a mouthful. It is not his place to perform a ceremony on a child when it hasn’t been instructed by their parents. The mother is unhinged and completely overstepping boundaries. She should not be left unsupervised with junior.

No that is not ok. I was brought up Catholic with some very devout family members. When they asked about Baptism for my first baby I said very firmly no we’re not having one and that was the end of that (I didn’t want my children ‘belonging’ to any religion without their consent). Your mil is massively overstepping and it’s not harmless. Also be very wary of the influences she will have on your baby growing up. My relatives really affected my world views in my younger years, which took some years to rid myself of. Yet they were lovely people if you removed their potty and somewhat toxic catholic ways.

I'm Catholic and guessing the priest is probably just planning on fitting in a quick blessing around a normal church service, not doing a special ceremony just for your daughter. It will most likely be a hand on the baby and a quick prayer.
But I would ask that her full name is used out of respect.

Same. I wonder whether MIL is being entirely truthful here. Either that or DH has had more to do with this than he's letting on.

This!

The child already has received a Christian baptism, and AFAIK we don't do tugs of war with different baptisms "overriding" the earlier ones.

MIL has another "chance" when 1st Communion or Confirmation etc. comes around.

No. Your daughter has a name and MiL is not a parent. She doesn't get to change it.

Definitely not ok. She’s massively overstepped.
If it’s harmless, she wouldn’t be doing this- the change of name thing is weird as hell, what do you plan on telling dd when grandma tells her ?

I would be talking to Father Liam and telling him that you don’t consent and that MIL has unilaterally decided to do this. Hopefully the shame of her priest knowing will stop this business now.

This is unreal -is presumably a way of her getting him rubber stamped as a member of the Catholic Church. How dare she? You are not imposing that on him as his parents. And she doesn’t have the power to usurp you like that. I agree it will be only a slippery slope, calling him by his “proper” & godly name when she’s with him & cards etc. She’ll obviously be grooming him for first holy communion & all that. But don’t think you can unless you’re a proper catholic. I’d veto this at all costs! Think a good idea is to go above her head (as she has with you) & have a word with Father Liam - explain you have had no say in this & only been told about it as a fair accompli. That you would rather your child follow whatever faith you decide (if any at all) & that you will not be enrolling him or yourselves as members of the Catholic Church.

This is batshit. I would bet money that the priest doesn't know the child has already been baptised. If he did then it's extremely unlikely that he would do another baptism as like someone said the Catholic church accepts Protestant baptisms as one of the blessed sacraments so to do a second baptism would be borderline heretical. Also I would also bet money that the priest just thinks your MIL is arranging it just to save the trouble of the parents arranging it. In the Catholic church a lot of importance is placed on the child's mother taking the lead in religious instruction of the child so if you just tell the priest that your child has already been baptised and that you do not consent to a second baptism then he most likely will refuse to do it.

I’m a catholic - have had children baptized.

This is crazy. Totally inappropriate- do not consent.

She is totally undermining the christening of your child, your role as parents & respect for you name choice.

Everything screams red flag. 🚩

the words: "over" "body" "my" and "dead" would be heading her way.
Closely followed by "any more of this nonsense and you will be very limited in your contact, and it will never ever be alone with my child"

It would be over my dead body! How on earth can your DH say that it's harmless? She is having your child baptised into the Catholic faith with a different name and you aren't invited!!

Your MIL is a barmy religious nutcase if she thinks that this is OK. Put your foot down and absolutely refuse permission.

I understand the truth may be bent, but how insane would the story need to be for him to make such a big exemption? Parents dead in a car crash? Surprise, they’ve just turned up to witness the ceremony…

We intended to do a catholic baptism for our children, mainly to appease a very religious and (very important to me) family member, but after a passive aggressive email response from the priest with a list of acts that would qualify them to join the church we moved on from
the process.

And you could be right, godmum56; for all we know he may have been told the baby hasn't been properly christened at all, but that still doesn't explain why he wouldn't have involved the actual parents in this

As said, something doesn't add up at all ...

I would be complaining to Father Liam's superiors TBH. This is completely unhinged behaviour and this priest is enabling it.

When she says it’s mainly for family, aren’t you the mother of said child? Can’t get more family than that! Shes definantly overstepping boundaries.

I get she wants a blessing in her own church - maybe she felt put out that you didn’t have this show and tell event in front of her friends, but it’s not up to her to organise, or to dictate what happens.

Definitely speak to the Priest and explain the situation, and maybe even cancel the event.

Your MIL has lost the plot, @Bobcomp - she could not be more unreasonable if she tried!

I wonder if she has been less than honest with Father Liam, and has told him your dd hasn’t been properly baptised? Or that you have consented to this second baptism and different name? Frankly I would to be surprised if she has, and I would be contacting Father Liam directly to say you do not give your consent for this, and never will, and that you hope this will put a full stop to your MIL’s plans.

Priests are very reluctant to tread on the toes of another priest.

I would be telling DH “ you tell your Mam Fuck No or I will and it won’t be pretty”.

Your MIL has MASSIVELY overstepped the mark and her priest will not be happy. Also, his secretary will always look at her from a different place forever more. Her reputation is forever marked.