To not want MIL to “redo” our baby’s name with her priest?

[Bobcomp]

Bit of a weird one. MIL is super Catholic, we’re not religious at all. DH was raised that way but doesn’t really practise anymore. We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really. We chose her name together - it’s a bit modern but nothing out there. MIL smiled through gritted teeth at the time but didn’t say much.

Fast forward to now - she’s apparently gone and spoken to her priest (very traditional Catholic church she still goes to), and arranged for him to do a “proper” blessing in a couple of weeks. Only she’s told us she’ll be using DD’s middle name during it, because “it’s more suitable for a Christian child” and “closer to the saints”.

She says it’s not a big deal - that it’s just a personal thing between her and God and she’s not trying to change anything officially. But it feels really off to me. She’s literally taking it upon herself to get our daughter re-blessed with a different name because she doesn’t like the one we picked.

DH thinks it’s daft but harmless - says let her crack on, it’s just her being dramatic and it’s not like it’ll go on any documents. But I feel like it’s crossing a line? Like she’s trying to override us or pretend she’s the one naming our child? I don’t want this to turn into some weird power thing where she starts calling DD by her middle name and acting like that’s her “real” name.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

AIBU to think this is weird as hell and not ok? Or should I just ignore it and let her have her moment? It’s messing with my head more than it probably should.

That would be a hard no from me and I'd be contacting the priest in question and making perfectly clear that this will never be happening, so your Mil cant just change the date and do it without you

CROSSING a line?
She's erased your fucking line and drawn her own line in zig-zag crazy ink on the moon!
Do not let her take YOUR child to HER batshit ceremony, please.
I dread to think what else she's going to do if you let her get away with this.

Enrol her in schools of her choice?
Cut her hair without your permission?
Dress her in clothes that she's bought?
She's exercising ownership that she has no right to.

”We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really.”

A christening is an actual baptism, with the water and the oil and being cleansed of original sin. Your baby isn’t baptized in any commonly-understood Christian sense of the word, which is why your MIL is pushing for it.

But, of course, you’re the parents and that was your choice and she shouldn’t be overriding you. You need to shut this down with both her and with the priest, because this is your child and it’s not her decision to make.

FWIW, Catholic children are usually baptized as “first name, middle name,” no matter what those names are. My second daughter doesn’t have a saint’s name for either first or middle and that wasn’t an issue at all.

@heldinadream

CROSSING a line?
She's erased your fucking line and drawn her own line in zig-zag crazy ink on the moon!

😂

Who does she think she is?!

You need to be clear with her and DH that this isn't happening. It's definitely over stepping and if you let her do this it's going to get harder to stop her over stepping in other ways.

Also if you let you DH allow her to do this, it's also going to be harder to have DH's support in the future.

He needs to support you in this.

No way any of this would be happening. You need to nip this in the bud now or she will be making other decisions in regards to your daughter. She basically went behind your back to arrange this and then tell you that you are welcome to attend.

If you let her away with this then you will have many other battles where she will try and override you and your husband in regards to school etc.

Speaking as a Catholic, this is insane and no way I'd be allowing it. So disrespectful. I'd tell the father too.

At least you know just how completely batshit and deluded she is from the outset. You now know you can't let her be alone with your child, ever. She has shown her true colours early on - this is probably a good thing!

Fr Liam is also overstepping by allowing this to go ahead with no input from parents. What is he thinking?

she sounds completely unhinged!!

So does "Father Liam" if he's agreed to something without parental consent. TBH, I am a practising Christian, but I'd be tempted to tell both of them that the child is to be raised in the Old Ways in keeping with my families traditions and won't be able to come to the event they've arranged as the babe will be at a Black Mass.

That's what I would suggest too.

Did you get your child officially baptized in a Catholic Church? If not, in your MIL's eyes the child is not actually baptized and in her view, won't get into heaven. I know that is my mum's belief of her unbaptized grandkids and although she didn't go to the same lengths as yours I know she was genuinely upset that as she saw it, her grandkids wouldn't get into heaven with her. Not saying it excuses the behaviour but might help explain it...

My first name is a "pagan" name and the priest baptizing me made my parents choose a Christian, i.e. saints name as a second name...

Not a chance! You’ve had your baby christened so there’s no reason to do it again. She had her time with her children, this is now your child. I’d put a stop to it right away. If it’s between her and god then she can crack on without your dc. Plus if it’s no big deal, then it doesn’t matter if it doesn’t happen.

Sounds like one of these things that if you don’t put a stop to it now, further batshittery will be down the line

Completely inappropriate, a decent priest would not be even entertaining the idea without speaking to you anyway, only parents or legal guardians can make this decision

I don't get this. She says 'you are welcome to come' but surely if you don't go then neither does the baby and I don't see how you can have a naming/blessing whatever for a baby without the baby actually present.

No priest would agree to a second christening. Even if you had an Anglican christening, the Catholic Church recognise Anglican christenings (not Anglican confirmation, but they do recognise christenings) so would it agree to do it again. She’d also need godparents. None of this makes any sense.

Never mind trying to talk your MIL out of this. I would get in touch with the priest who's apparently conducting this ceremony. Make it known to him that you don't consent, and it goes directly against your personal beliefs. I seriously doubt he'd want to undertake a religious ceremony against the directly expressed wishes of the parents.

I agree - a divorce in the family wouldn’t go down well with Father Liam.

wtf. Not her child, not happening.

Totally not ok.

I bet you would find out afterwards that your child is now considered Catholic.

Say no to MIL and contact Father Liam and let him know this is not happening and does not have your permission.

MIL is so far out of line she in a different country.

We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious

You what? A Christening is one of the most mega religious ceremonies there is.

For example:

Christ claims you for his own.
Receive the sign of his cross.
Do not be ashamed to confess the faith of Christ crucified.
Fight valiantly as a disciple of Christ against sin, the world and the devil, and remain faithful to Christ to the end of your life.

So if you had a Christening then it must have included that liturgy and it was mega religious

Why Christen if you dont believe.

We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really.

A christening is an actual baptism, with the water and the oil and being cleansed of original sin. Your baby isn’t baptized in any commonly-understood Christian sense of the word, which is why your MIL is pushing for it.

There's nothing in the OP that suggests water, oils etc where not used - only that it was low key, which could mean the christening was part of the Sunday service with close family & godparents there and no big party after.

I called it baptism (C of E) and my DD has a Certificate of Baptism.

If this is true at all that's exactly what I'd do, though not necessarily with much confidence he'd respect my wishes

Better, surely, to keep the child well away from this kind of nonsense, before MIL starts calling them by a different name and insisting "This is the one god wants" and interfering with goodness knows what else

It's not clear if she expects to take your daughter to this blessing or if it's just something between her and the priest. If your daughter is not expected to be at the blessing then I'm not sure there is much you can do.

If she decides she's going to use your daughter's middle name then you need to correct her every time she does it. If cards and gifts are addressed with the wrong name you should return them and tell her their has been a mistake.

If your daughter is expected to be there then the most appropriate response is, "hell no, you don't have to like her name but you do need to respect our choice. Don't ask about it again."

"sorry Mil we are at the synagogue that morning and off to the mosque in the afternoon with her because we just wanted to cover all the bases"