To not want MIL to “redo” our baby’s name with her priest?

978 replies

Bobcomp · 15/07/2025 14:25

Bit of a weird one. MIL is super Catholic, we’re not religious at all. DH was raised that way but doesn’t really practise anymore. We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really. We chose her name together - it’s a bit modern but nothing out there. MIL smiled through gritted teeth at the time but didn’t say much.

Fast forward to now - she’s apparently gone and spoken to her priest (very traditional Catholic church she still goes to), and arranged for him to do a “proper” blessing in a couple of weeks. Only she’s told us she’ll be using DD’s middle name during it, because “it’s more suitable for a Christian child” and “closer to the saints”.

She says it’s not a big deal - that it’s just a personal thing between her and God and she’s not trying to change anything officially. But it feels really off to me. She’s literally taking it upon herself to get our daughter re-blessed with a different name because she doesn’t like the one we picked.

DH thinks it’s daft but harmless - says let her crack on, it’s just her being dramatic and it’s not like it’ll go on any documents. But I feel like it’s crossing a line? Like she’s trying to override us or pretend she’s the one naming our child? I don’t want this to turn into some weird power thing where she starts calling DD by her middle name and acting like that’s her “real” name.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

AIBU to think this is weird as hell and not ok? Or should I just ignore it and let her have her moment? It’s messing with my head more than it probably should.

OP posts:

sueelleker · 22/07/2025 08:25

BlueIris111 How is MIL respecting anyone else's point of view when she's trying to get a child re-christened in a different faith and with a different name? Sounds more like "I don't agree with this, so I'm going to do it my way".

Wadadli · 22/07/2025 10:46

BlueIris111 · 22/07/2025 01:43

Why what? Could you maybe be more specific about what you’re asking about ? Im now going to assume your question because you’ve not been clear .

i personally feel if your choosing to join a family it’s rather reasonable to expect someone to try and talk to each other and come to some form of understanding or agreement. What kind of life is a child going to have if parents are at odds with each other and the grandparents are fighting with them as well . Adults resolve issues by talking them out and if they’ve established there has been no misunderstandings and granny is being completely out of order and malicious then they can choose to cut her out . Have we really gotten to a point where we just point fingers and block people out of our lives without ever trying to understand each other and see if we can find some common ground ?

If you never try to respect someone else’s view on the world how can you ever expect them to respect yours ?

Show quote history

“Why” should OP have a discussion with MIL me when the OPs child is already baptised? OP owed MIL nothing/nada/zilch in terms of discussing an event that MIL had arranged to get what she wanted

i do hope Nice Priest read her the Riot Act - she deserved it

FreyaW · 30/07/2025 14:42

Bobcomp · 15/07/2025 19:52

A few people have asked — quite reasonably — why we had DD christened if neither DH nor I are religious.

Totally fair question. The short version is: it was about tradition and family, not belief.

Longer version: I was raised loosely Church of England — not devout by any stretch, but I grew up going to the village church at Christmas, weddings, funerals, etc. It’s where we were married. My parents are fairly relaxed but quietly spiritual, and they asked gently if we’d consider a christening. It felt like a way to include them, acknowledge that wider family/community feeling, and mark our daughter’s arrival with something meaningful, even if we aren’t regular churchgoers. It was personal, warm, and completely on our terms.

None of that justifies MIL deciding she gets a do-over with a new name and a new priest. That’s not about God. That’s about control.

For what it’s worth, the C of E vicar who christened our daughter was wonderful — kind, low-key, and made it very clear that the christening was also about welcoming her into a community of care, not indoctrination. That felt right.

DH, as I’ve said, is technically Catholic by upbringing but hasn’t practiced since childhood. His view was, “If it means something to your family and not mine, let’s go with it.” He’s fully on board now that he’s seen just how far his mum was willing to go behind our backs.

We’re still waiting for the fallout from MIL. She hasn’t called or messaged since DH spoke to her earlier and told her (very firmly) that it’s not happening and that she’s massively overstepped.

I’m torn between relief and dread. But mostly I’m proud that we’ve stood our ground and grateful to all of you for giving me the language and clarity to do it.

Will update again if the martyrdom goes nuclear 🙃

It's been 2 weeks since your last confession 😏 ...eagerly waiting an update. 😁

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