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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To not want MIL to “redo” our baby’s name with her priest?

978 replies

Bobcomp · 15/07/2025 14:25

Bit of a weird one. MIL is super Catholic, we’re not religious at all. DH was raised that way but doesn’t really practise anymore. We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really. We chose her name together - it’s a bit modern but nothing out there. MIL smiled through gritted teeth at the time but didn’t say much.

Fast forward to now - she’s apparently gone and spoken to her priest (very traditional Catholic church she still goes to), and arranged for him to do a “proper” blessing in a couple of weeks. Only she’s told us she’ll be using DD’s middle name during it, because “it’s more suitable for a Christian child” and “closer to the saints”.

She says it’s not a big deal - that it’s just a personal thing between her and God and she’s not trying to change anything officially. But it feels really off to me. She’s literally taking it upon herself to get our daughter re-blessed with a different name because she doesn’t like the one we picked.

DH thinks it’s daft but harmless - says let her crack on, it’s just her being dramatic and it’s not like it’ll go on any documents. But I feel like it’s crossing a line? Like she’s trying to override us or pretend she’s the one naming our child? I don’t want this to turn into some weird power thing where she starts calling DD by her middle name and acting like that’s her “real” name.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

AIBU to think this is weird as hell and not ok? Or should I just ignore it and let her have her moment? It’s messing with my head more than it probably should.

OP posts:
NotsosunnyShropshire · 19/07/2025 16:07

FlipFlopShopInHawaii · 19/07/2025 16:06

I always read it as Read the Fucking Thread.

So do I.

godmum56 · 19/07/2025 16:09

TheCoralDeer · 19/07/2025 15:57

Sorry, no idea what RTFT means, not quite up on MN lingo.,.....?🤔 Eg gfys etc ...Another Canute? Maybe reply to the OP instead of feeling so clever about insulting (I assume) a poster in support of the OP. Have a great day & wishing you all kindness that you deserve x🥀 (are you the MIL perhaps!). Try to be nice, or if that's impossible for you - get a life and shut the duck up. With kindness about your condition ,🥀

you are allowed to say fuck on here.

Flossflower · 19/07/2025 16:09

NotsosunnyShropshire · 19/07/2025 16:07

So do I.

Yes me too.
I am old and worked in IT ( not called IT then).
RTFM, quoted all the time. Meant Read the Fucking Manual.

ScoobyDoesnt · 19/07/2025 16:15

FlipFlopShopInHawaii · 19/07/2025 16:06

I always read it as Read the Fucking Thread.

I was being polite lol!

TheCoralDeer · 19/07/2025 16:58

ScoobyDoesnt · 19/07/2025 16:15

I was being polite lol!

If that's aimed at me then : k,.off..🤣..if not...sorry, if aimed at OP, also c: off, poor woman. If aimed at the twat who made light of a serious question by the OP & chose insult people who replied, then tell them please also c'offf . Is belllend a proper reply? 🤔And please also understand that English isn't everyones mother tongue, but we do try. Isn't MN supposed to be a bit if a support group?? For anyone / everyone.. Love to all the nice people here whoo do support xx💐🌷🌟(& k' off to the others!!)

TheCoralDeer · 19/07/2025 17:01

godmum56 · 19/07/2025 16:09

you are allowed to say fuck on here.

We have a duck next door....,.hence shut the duck up...,(yes, kidding)

ScoobyDoesnt · 19/07/2025 17:50

TheCoralDeer · 19/07/2025 16:58

If that's aimed at me then : k,.off..🤣..if not...sorry, if aimed at OP, also c: off, poor woman. If aimed at the twat who made light of a serious question by the OP & chose insult people who replied, then tell them please also c'offf . Is belllend a proper reply? 🤔And please also understand that English isn't everyones mother tongue, but we do try. Isn't MN supposed to be a bit if a support group?? For anyone / everyone.. Love to all the nice people here whoo do support xx💐🌷🌟(& k' off to the others!!)

Not aimed at anyone! I just thought I’d say the polite version to let the poster know what it (sort of) meant. It still means basically read everything or at least the OPs posts before replying - I’m with everyone here who also gets frustrated about people just reading the OP. I’ve been here along time (cancel the cheque!).

I’m also in full support of the OP as I had a staunch catholic MIL who tried to disrupt our wedding plans and insisted we had to bring any children we had up as catholics. It all got sorted…and we did still get on afterwards. Although I’m sort of grateful (meaning this nicely) that she died without knowing we were splitting up and divorcing.

Petitchat · 19/07/2025 18:21

FlipFlopShopInHawaii · 19/07/2025 16:06

I always read it as Read the Fucking Thread.

Well....Near enough!

😁

TheignT · 19/07/2025 18:35

Flossflower · 19/07/2025 16:09

Yes me too.
I am old and worked in IT ( not called IT then).
RTFM, quoted all the time. Meant Read the Fucking Manual.

My husband is a radio ham. His mantra, same with most of his radio friends, is only read the manual as a last resort. Used to drive me mad but I ignore the prolonged angst now.

CoughCoughLaugh · 19/07/2025 19:18

FlipFlopShopInHawaii · 19/07/2025 16:06

I always read it as Read the Fucking Thread.

Me too! 😂

RainbowBagels · 19/07/2025 19:48

CoughCoughLaugh · 19/07/2025 19:18

Me too! 😂

Me too! Is that not what it is? 😅

Playinwithfire · 19/07/2025 21:17

godmum56 · 17/07/2025 20:21

At least read the OP's updates FFS

Do you get a badge for policing mumsnet or is it just a hobby? You're doing a great job! Keep up the good work!! 👍🏻

MeTooOverHere · 20/07/2025 00:50

TheCoralDeer · 19/07/2025 15:57

Sorry, no idea what RTFT means, not quite up on MN lingo.,.....?🤔 Eg gfys etc ...Another Canute? Maybe reply to the OP instead of feeling so clever about insulting (I assume) a poster in support of the OP. Have a great day & wishing you all kindness that you deserve x🥀 (are you the MIL perhaps!). Try to be nice, or if that's impossible for you - get a life and shut the duck up. With kindness about your condition ,🥀

Read the fu+++++ full thread and you won't appear a fool for not realising it's all done and dusted.
DH has OP's back, and Father Liam has agreed not to do any such blessing.

MeTooOverHere · 20/07/2025 00:53

TheCoralDeer · 19/07/2025 16:58

If that's aimed at me then : k,.off..🤣..if not...sorry, if aimed at OP, also c: off, poor woman. If aimed at the twat who made light of a serious question by the OP & chose insult people who replied, then tell them please also c'offf . Is belllend a proper reply? 🤔And please also understand that English isn't everyones mother tongue, but we do try. Isn't MN supposed to be a bit if a support group?? For anyone / everyone.. Love to all the nice people here whoo do support xx💐🌷🌟(& k' off to the others!!)

We're 39 pages in and nothing new has been added since page 10. We are all supporting her, have been from the start. So has her DH. So has Father Liam.

Trapunt0 · 20/07/2025 11:47

Pigletsstripeyjumper · 15/07/2025 14:30

Call the priest and tell him your baby’s name is X, and while you’re happy to have him blessed in MIL’s church in addition to the christening that has already taken place, you want him to use his actual name (all names?) and not just his middle name.

You don’t have to consent to this if it makes you feel uneasy. It’s not MIL’s choice. You’re already humouring her by allowing the blessing. If the name issue makes you uncomfortable, go over her head and express that to the priest. She went over your head to organize the whole thing in the first place!

This but first and foremost speak to Father Liam as he may not have the whole story.
Deal directly with him and decide yay or nay based on that.
Be clear with him that the child had already been baptised, what the full name is and that this was deceitfully arranged.
If you're happy after that, an additional blessing will do no harm.
Might be an idea to get your Vicar/Pastor's take on it all too.

Lazygardener · 20/07/2025 11:58

It isn't clear from your post whether your child was christened in a Catholic ceremony. However, I was baptised into the Catholic church as an infant many decades ago. I have a name that was fashionable in the 50s and 60s, but there is no saint Lazygardener. This did not even cause a stir back then, so unless you named your child Satan, your MIL has no cause for concern from a theological point of view.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 20/07/2025 16:47

@Lazygardener - I think that, in a later post, @Bobcomp says that it was a baptism in a C of E church.

RCJJ · 20/07/2025 19:24

@Bobcomp Before this thread fills up I’m sure I’m not alone in hoping you’ll update us as to how MIL took all of this and if anything did still happen today? Hope WW3 hasn’t kicked off!

Blank1234 · 20/07/2025 22:18

There used to be a list of acronyms for the site, don’t know where it is now, but RTFT is read the full thread. 🙃 I’m shocked to learn some of you say fucking thread 😂 sounds aggressive to me 😂😂

Mantissatopower4 · 21/07/2025 13:53

Definately NO NO NO!!!!

godmum56 · 21/07/2025 14:18

Blank1234 · 20/07/2025 22:18

There used to be a list of acronyms for the site, don’t know where it is now, but RTFT is read the full thread. 🙃 I’m shocked to learn some of you say fucking thread 😂 sounds aggressive to me 😂😂

surely not 😂

thepariscrimefiles · 21/07/2025 15:18

Blank1234 · 20/07/2025 22:18

There used to be a list of acronyms for the site, don’t know where it is now, but RTFT is read the full thread. 🙃 I’m shocked to learn some of you say fucking thread 😂 sounds aggressive to me 😂😂

It's here:

https://www.mumsnet.com/i/acronyms

RTFT
Read the f**king thread

Acronyms List | Mumsnet

What exactly does AIBU mean? Read the full list of acronyms and abbreviations you will find on our forums, including both Mumsnet specific and general terms.

https://www.mumsnet.com/i/acronyms

Blank1234 · 21/07/2025 22:22

It must have changed as back in the day it was definitely full thread 🤔😵‍💫

BlueIris111 · 22/07/2025 01:43

Wadadli · 16/07/2025 19:37

Why?

Why what? Could you maybe be more specific about what you’re asking about ? Im now going to assume your question because you’ve not been clear .

i personally feel if your choosing to join a family it’s rather reasonable to expect someone to try and talk to each other and come to some form of understanding or agreement. What kind of life is a child going to have if parents are at odds with each other and the grandparents are fighting with them as well . Adults resolve issues by talking them out and if they’ve established there has been no misunderstandings and granny is being completely out of order and malicious then they can choose to cut her out . Have we really gotten to a point where we just point fingers and block people out of our lives without ever trying to understand each other and see if we can find some common ground ?

If you never try to respect someone else’s view on the world how can you ever expect them to respect yours ?

sugarapplelane · 22/07/2025 04:57

Bridgetjonesheart · 19/07/2025 00:04

Annoying. Overbearing. Invasive but let her crack on if you want to keep the peace it obviously means something to her and won’t hurt the child.

WTAF!!!!