To not want MIL to “redo” our baby’s name with her priest?

[Bobcomp]

Bit of a weird one. MIL is super Catholic, we’re not religious at all. DH was raised that way but doesn’t really practise anymore. We had a low-key christening for DD (2mo) at our local church - not mega religious, just more of a naming and welcome thing really. We chose her name together - it’s a bit modern but nothing out there. MIL smiled through gritted teeth at the time but didn’t say much.

Fast forward to now - she’s apparently gone and spoken to her priest (very traditional Catholic church she still goes to), and arranged for him to do a “proper” blessing in a couple of weeks. Only she’s told us she’ll be using DD’s middle name during it, because “it’s more suitable for a Christian child” and “closer to the saints”.

She says it’s not a big deal - that it’s just a personal thing between her and God and she’s not trying to change anything officially. But it feels really off to me. She’s literally taking it upon herself to get our daughter re-blessed with a different name because she doesn’t like the one we picked.

DH thinks it’s daft but harmless - says let her crack on, it’s just her being dramatic and it’s not like it’ll go on any documents. But I feel like it’s crossing a line? Like she’s trying to override us or pretend she’s the one naming our child? I don’t want this to turn into some weird power thing where she starts calling DD by her middle name and acting like that’s her “real” name.

Also worth saying - she didn’t even tell us until it was already arranged. Just dropped it in like an FYI on Sunday after church, said we’re “welcome to come” but it’s “mainly for the family and Father Liam”.

AIBU to think this is weird as hell and not ok? Or should I just ignore it and let her have her moment? It’s messing with my head more than it probably should.

As long as they use the Trinitarian formula i.e. baptising 'in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit', not just in the 'name of the Lord Jesus' for example.

She’s bonkers and it would be a big, fat, no from me. If your DH wouldn’t tell her, I’d do it myself. Agree speaking to Father Liam and putting him straight is a good start - hopefully he has no idea just how bonkers she is and wouldn’t want to get in the middle of this potential shit show… If he is up for continuing, just tell him no as well.

"No, Mary, that doesn't work for me, not happening" friendly smile.😬

Yes it was a proper christening with water and oil and all that, just not a massive do.
So the child was baptised into the CofE church. I'm not sure doing it again at a catholic church changes anything?

It seems like christenings are a bit like weddings. Atheists happy to do it in church because it's a British tradition, and then have a party. I have no problem with any of that, in fact I think it's great. We are not religious but I had my DC baptised because it meant a lot to my parents and I was happy to do that for them. The OP has already done this.
That woman is what gives MILs a bad name.

If the other parent agrees where's the harm?

I'd be telling her to get fucked and not letting her anywhere near my child unsupervised.

My MIL tries to pull stunts like this, dropping things in casually like it’s nothing major. You’ll get there and she’ll be having her own event! You’re not being paranoid OP, baby has had her christening already and doesn’t require another thank you MIL.

Fr Liam sounds dodgy as fuck. Even if he doesn't know about the first baptism which is possible (MIL should surely know ypu can't be baptized twice), he shouldn't be offering to do any blessing or whatever the hell it is without speaking to the parents.

When you phone him, if he says anything other than oh, I'm terribly sorry, I didn't realize the child has been baptized already, we can't baptize a child twice OR I'm sorry I didn't realize you hadn't consented to the blessing, ring or email the bishop's office.

Sometimes these priests in the "traditional" Catholic churches sail close to the wind as far as Canon Law is concerned. They interpret it how they want.

I would tell your husband that he needs to familiarise himself with the concept of hell if he doesn't sort out his lunatic mother pretty quickly.

Bloody hell - absolutely no, no, no!

Your daughter and your choice.

By all means, speak to Liam and tell him in no uncertain terms how you feel about this whole debacle. MIL got to choose how she wanted her children christened. She does not have any say in what happens with your child. 😡

Either Father Liam has no idea that your baby has already been baptised, or he thinks he'll just be blessing the baby in passing, almost like a greeting, and doesn't realise your MIL is making a big thing of it.

In my church it would be quite normal to say "My granny's sick - could you say a prayer for her?" "I've got a job interview coming up - could you pray for me?" "I've got a new grandchild - could you say a prayer for her?" I wonder if this is what Father Liam has agreed to do?

Contact Father Liam and find out what he thinks he's agreed to do.

What denomination was your child baptised into? I don’t see the point of doing that if you’re not religious.

Aside from that your MIL is bonkers. Just say no.

This is so nuts!! If your child is baptised CoE then the Catholic priest will not be wanting to perform another baptism - you can’t have both unless you’re Henry VIII 😂
Decent compromise (that your partner should communicate) would be to agree to go to mass with MIL and family on Sunday and for Fr Liam to say a prayer or bless your baby. Using their ACTUAL name. But not another baptism. Absolutely bonkers!

She organised it and had the nerve to say that you're welcome to come?

Hell no.

Pleased to see your update. Start as you mean to go on with this woman and have boundaries of steel. Also start working on your dh problem (his inability to see that she’s being controlling and not harmless) now before she tries to divide and conquer the pair of you.

Your husband is a twat for even allowing his mother to think this is ok and for not shutting her down immediately.

‘DH says I should just ignore it’ ok that’s what you do then. You and your baby will be staying with your family that weekend and your phone will be off. Let him handle his cuckoo mother.

Some of these replies have had me properly cackling — thanks again for the reality check, it really does help.

To clarify a few things:

• I don’t think MIL sees this as a full baptism — more like a blessing or dedication. But she is calling it a “proper” one and acting like ours doesn’t count, which is offensive tbh. Especially since she was literally at DD’s christening and smiled her way through it. If she thought it was all for show, why bother?
• She tends to use DD’s middle name a lot already, even though we only use her full name occasionally and otherwise just her first name. So yes I can totally see her leaning into that after this little “event” as if it’s somehow been divinely validated.
• DH isn’t awful, just a bit of a conflict dodger when it comes to his mum. He was raised in that whole “just let her crack on” dynamic. He’s not religious either but seems to think this is just one of her “mad little things” and not worth kicking off over. I’ve tried explaining that I don’t care if she wants to pray over a teddy in private, but she doesn’t get to drag our child into her fantasies about holy renaming ceremonies.
• And yes I am planning to speak to Father Liam. If he’s any sort of sensible priest, I reckon he’ll be mortified once he realises he’s been drawn into all this without parental consent. Not sure if she’s spun him a story about it being agreed or what.

I’m not going to let her rewrite DD’s name or identity. If it’s all just “symbolic” and “no big deal” like she says, then she can symbolically not do it.

As a catholic, a mother, grandmother and MIL. There is no way I would agree to this. If you let her do this you are making a rod for your own back.

Not OK, do not allow it and ask your other half for his back up

Yep. This smells fishy.

I would correct her every time she uses the middle name instead of the first name you have chosen for her.
Every fucking time.

It is a baptism or a blessing? Apart from the oddness of this (I’m a practicing Catholic. Very traditional - Sunday Mass etc)
Its not entirely clear what you MIL is doing.
Personally I’d call the priest and find out what exactly she has planned

'it’s “mainly for the family '

and YOU are the child's mother YOU carried her YOU delivered her

make sure YOUR child is nowhere near that witch at any point during the weekend it is due to happen

and your husband needs to grow some back bone - quickly

Hell would freeze over before my MIL had my dd christened / baptised

Please don’t allow your MIL to do this.
as names can be changed after baptism, but as your baby has already been baptised this shouldn’t apply, but you never know.

AI Overview

In the UK, a child's birth certificate can be updated to reflect a name change resulting from baptism, provided the baptism occurred within 12 months of the birth registration. To do this, you'll need to obtain a "Certificate of name given in baptism" from the church where the baptism took place and submit it to the register office where the birth was originally registered. The new name will then be added to the birth register, and you can obtain a new birth certificate reflecting the change.

I was eye rolling but thinking just smile and wave until i got to bit about you being welcome to come but really just for family...are you not family. I wouldn't be going...and if im not going my baby isnt either