To make my 10yo pay for a broken lamp out of bday money?

[Articlesta]

Bit of a rant but curious what others would do.

DS (10) was mucking about in the living room on Sat after I’d told him to pack it in. He ended up knocking over a lamp that used to belong to my nan. Not worth loads or anything but sentimental. I was really upset.

He got £80 for his birthday last week so I took £30 of it to put towards a new lamp. Told him it’s what happens when you break stuff through messing about. He cried.

DH says I’m being mean and it’ll ruin his birthday memories or something daft. I think it’s a lesson? Actions = consequences? He wasn’t being malicious but he was warned.

AIBU? Would you have just let it go?

Not looking to get flamed but interested to know what others would do.

I'd not take 40% of his birthday money, that is too much IMO. Take a bit out of his next week's pocket money if you must. But surely a £10 would be more than enough to make your point?

As a side note, what are all the threads recently about taking children's birthday money?

I wouldn’t do this unless it’s repeated behaviour, maybe next time, if there is one?

I agree that actions needs consequences, and that he’d had a warning and disregarded you! I would maybe have talked to him about it and said ‘you will need to contribute to getting a new lamp. Would you prefer to save and contribute a certain amount each week until you’ve hit the target amount of whatever, or give it on one lump sum from birthday money’. Maybe this is what you did. Taking it automatically from his birthday stash feels a liiiiittle bit harsh, but I agree he should contribute towards a new one, he’ll learn a very valuable lesson! I also don’t know if he’s been driving you round the bend for ages and has form for this sort of thing and you are thoroughly fed up, in which case I understand!! No judgement either way :)

No I wouldn't do this for an accident even if he was messing about. Kids mess about. It is part of growing up. The people who gave that money did so in lieu of presents. Would you have sold actual presents? See how mean this sounds.

I wouldn’t do that .. although he was mucking about it was still an accident
I’d have sat him down and explained it meant a lot in the family due to the history and that he should take more care when indoors
I’d not take a penny of a 10 year olds birthday money

I’m sorry. But money won’t bring your sentimental lamp back. May be better to ask how he thinks he can make amends-this will mean more . I did this as a child-broke a precious vase. I spent 2 hours trying to glue it back together to say sorry. My mum still has it and was touched at my effort to make amends. Kids are clumsy. Their limbs grow longer than their nerve endings know!

YABU unless there's a massive back story of him breaking things every five minutes. I'd give him his money back - apologise and say you were angry, think of another way he can "earn" a new lamp (chores etc).

I wouldn't do it. Him seeing you being sad and upset about it would be punishment enough if he's a normal 10 year old (who can't stand seeing their mum sad).

Unless you are completely broke and really need him to pay for a new lamp I think it's a bit ott. It was an accident not something he maliciously did (in that case I would applaud you for taking some of his bday money).

It's more than a bit shit to take a childs birthday money for an accident. I'd imagine at his age he has pocket money and if so you could have used that as part punishment instead if you needed the money.

God thats so harsh!!

God that’s awful, that’s theft. If he offers to pay something towards it fair enough but to just help yourself to his money without his consent it’s wrong. It’s not like he has a regular income and that’s probably his life savings.
Would you actually put it towards a new lamp as it was only sentimental? Or did you want to get your nails done?

I don't think I'd take any birthday money. Someone has given that to him and they didn't intend for it to pay for your broken lamp, regardless of what happened. I would rather take pocket money. However, knowing that you're upset because the lamp belonged to your nan and was special to you is probably the main lesson.

Thanks all – some fair points tbh.

To answer – no, not repeat behaviour exactly, but he’s getting a bit cheeky lately and doesn’t always listen first time. I did warn him twice to calm down and stop throwing stuff about.

Maybe £30 was a bit steep – I didn’t really work it out as a percentage, just looked at the price of a similar lamp and thought he should chip in.

I don’t make a habit of docking his money, and he still has loads left plus we let him pick dinner that night and had cake again. Not like I ruined the whole day.

Bit odd how many posts there are lately about kids’ bday money tho 😂 is there something in the water?

Mean and unnecessary. He didn't do it on purpose.

I’d be pretty annoyed if I’d given one of the kids in my family birthday money only to find their parents took it to make a point. It’s harsh to him and not what it was intended for. Dock his pocket money if you must.

I think that's utterly cruel.

That is theft- totally unacceptable.

Op I lost my parents about 10 years apart in my early twenties and one very suddenly.
I have overwhelming sentimental items around which have been damaged or nearly and I have to say that's on me

Children's will be children and if I want to have precious un replaceable items around I have to accept that's on me and they may get damaged.

I think you should profusely apologise to your son, explain that you deeply loved granny and this lamp reminds you of her which is why you were so upset but no lamp is more precious than he is and your sorry..

YABVU (and mean).
Accidents are called accidents for a reason.

If he’s got form for breaking things, that’s different.

I wouldn’t do it. Accidents do happen and assuming he’s not generally completely destructive I’d be telling him how upset I am etc but not taking birthday money.

Hes a 10 year old child and your a parent throwing a tantrum over a poxy lamp.
If you carry on like this op when hes old enough to leave he wont come back.
And some parents wonder why kids grow up and go NC my mother included.

That’s unfair.
Accidents happen.

Give it back and say you’ve thought about it and decided you were being too harsh as it was sentimental and you were upset. He will appreciate it, and I’m sure you won’t feel like such a misery. It was an accident. He didn’t throws across the room in a tantrum.

It’s not really an accident if you’ve been asked, twice, to change the behaviour that led to it happening, is it?
to me, an accident would be if my child knocked my vase off the window sill whilst opening or closing a blind.
if she’d been dicking around throwing a balloon or something after I’d already asked her not to and it got knocked off then that’s not an accident - that’s a consequence of her not listening to me or using her head.