To make my 10yo pay for a broken lamp out of bday money?

[Articlesta]

Bit of a rant but curious what others would do.

DS (10) was mucking about in the living room on Sat after I’d told him to pack it in. He ended up knocking over a lamp that used to belong to my nan. Not worth loads or anything but sentimental. I was really upset.

He got £80 for his birthday last week so I took £30 of it to put towards a new lamp. Told him it’s what happens when you break stuff through messing about. He cried.

DH says I’m being mean and it’ll ruin his birthday memories or something daft. I think it’s a lesson? Actions = consequences? He wasn’t being malicious but he was warned.

AIBU? Would you have just let it go?

Not looking to get flamed but interested to know what others would do.

YANBU. things cost money and need to be replaced. he is 10, not 2

Bad parenting

Maybe £30 was a bit steep – I didn’t really work it out as a percentage, just looked at the price of a similar lamp and thought he should chip in.

If it's a sentimental lamp from your nan, then it is not replaceable.

The poor kid.

He's 10 not 18

No I wouldn't have done this. It was an accident and I don't think it's a good idea to punish for it. I wouldn't want my child growing up thinking that you can never make a mistake of any kind. Learn from it, yes but with an age appropriate discussion
, not a punishment.

I wouldn't want my child growing up thinking that you can never make a mistake of any kind.

Continuing to do something you have been told twice not to do isn't 'a mistake'.

Have you already taken it? Am unsure what lesson you’ll be giving them if you now return it? I can’t think what I would say to them in that situation. It was a pretty poor knee jerk reaction to an accident but we all do silly things in the moment.

I wouldn’t have taken birthday money but I would absolutely give him extra chores to ‘pay’ for his behaviour. At the end of the day, he was messing about, you told him twice to pack it in, he didn’t listen and then went on to break your lamp. He needs to learn that actions have consequences.
Hopefully he’ll listen to you in future.

But his birthday money and pocket money all just lump together into his money surely? He's not not getting pocket money for X months as a result of his birthday money is he. And it's no more theft than any instance of taking money from someone for something they owe. He's 10, not 3. He'd been told twice to stop throwing things about. Why shouldn't he have some real consequences? I teach teens; so many of them and their parents are utterly incredulous when sanctions are imposed..judging from this thread I can see why.

I didnt say no sanctions. I said no to touching his money, which was a gift. I think there are other ways to let him know he failed badly here.

I think this is such an over reaction. He's 10! And it was an accident.

Jesus Christ

If it was me I would give the money back .It seems mean to take it from him.

I’d do the same if he was warned, OP, and especially since it’s a sentimental item.
If it had been genuinely accidentally broken, and not because he was repeatedly dicking about after warnings, that would be a different matter.

I agree that there should be consequences because he was told to stop. I wouldn’t take money off him that was gifted. Surely chores up to a certain value that you deem sufficient would be better. I don’t think essentially taking presents off him is a good idea.

No it wasn't. It was an entirely foreseeable and avoidable consequence. There is a middle ground between deliberately smashing something and a genuinely unavoidable accident and this was in it. 10 is definitely old enough to appreciate this having been told twice. A quiet talking too will make zero difference to a kid who didn't listen to two instances of instruction. Consequences need to actually have a demonstrable impact. If he has to sacrifice a purchase he'd have made maybe then he will actually think

Nope

Only if he did on purpose

If I was your husband I’d give him £40 and say your mothers a mean fucker and that’s why I’m divorcing her 😝
Obviously I’m joking but damn, taking his birthday money because a ten year old acted like a ten year old? Kids will be kids and all that. Yes it’s annoying a sentimental item was broken but shit happens. Bloody hate to live in your house!!

That thought occurred to me too. I’d have done the same. There’s no way I’d have let my bloke get away with this - fortunately it would never occur to him.

If I was your husband I’d give him £40 and say your mothers a mean fucker and that’s why I’m divorcing her 😝
Obviously I’m joking

Joking about a man encouraging his son to disrespect a woman?

She doesn’t deserve respect. It has to be earned.

I think it's refreshing for a parent to be teaching their child a consequence. He should certainly learn to respect property in future. I'm definitely too soft with my kids and they are walking all over me. 😂

This. 💯👍

@HonoriaBulstrode
i did say i was joking. Blimey. I’m married to the most respectful man alive but I would expect him to have a word if I was twattish enough to take birthday money off my 10 year old son because he broke a lamp.

Wow. Mum imposes a decent consequence that he might actually learn from (to respect other people's possessions and do as he is bloody told) and she doesn't deserve respect. Ok. I reiterate my earlier comment that this thread explains a lot about the reactions of kids in schools when faced with consequences.

He was defiant, and continued even though he was warned. So he cried- he learnt a lesson! Actions have consequences and he learnt the hard way. £10 would have been enough, though.