to think people with nice parents have no clue what toxic parents are like?

[pppaper]

I keep seeing people say things like “I wish I still had my mum or dad around” or “You’ll regret it when they’re gone” and honestly it really gets to me. It’s said like it is a set truth. Like if you don’t feel that way about your parents there’s something wrong with you.

But some of us didn’t get loving supportive parents. Some of us got toxic manipulative ones who made our lives miserable and who we’re still trying to recover from. I get that people who had decent relationships with their parents feel that loss and I’m not saying they shouldn’t. But it’s frustrating when they assume everyone had the same experience.

It feels like people with nice parents just can’t imagine anything else. It’s always family is everything and you’ll regret cutting them off and never any space to say actually no this person hurt me over and over and I have every right to protect myself.

I won’t miss them when they’re gone. Maybe I already spent years grieving the parents I never had.

OP you're right that some people don't get it. But I am a bit concerned by your examples:
I keep seeing people say things like “I wish I still had my mum or dad around” or “You’ll regret it when they’re gone” and honestly it really gets to me. It’s said like it is a set truth. Like if you don’t feel that way about your parents there’s something wrong with you.

I absolutely DO still wish I had my mum around. Because I know she was NOT toxic. I was lucky. I had a loving mum who had her faults, but was overall a good person who did a good job as a parent. If I say to someone, as I did just the other day, "I wish we still had my mum as I know she would have loved all these dance shows that DD does and would have been the most insanely proud granny", that doesn't mean I expect you to feel the same about your mum. And if you take a comment like that in that way, theN I think you are misunderstanding.

Obviously, completely different if someone says, "Oh, I know you'll miss your mum when she's gone - you should appreciate her while you have" or something. That's just rude and demonstrates a total lack of understanding of your situation.

Hen please do not cone on a thread about peopld feeling isolated and told they're over reacting from shit toxic parent with ‘people are imperfect’ wankery and THEN when challenged start moaning aboyg itger shot things that can happen to people regardless of toxic oarents.

Growing up in a toxic household only compounds the usual shit that is encountered in adult life.

You sound like lone of those shit toxic parents or the people who blunder into the space bemoaning adult children being ungrateful for at least surviving toxic shif parents.

Bog off

What are you on about I have teens and am not a shit parent, I followed gentle parenting with them and have confronted scary shit parents. How do you parent your children? You have completely not understood my point which was that factually, statistically I don't know anybody with 'regular' parents, there is some toxicity one or the other, it seems common place in my group of friends and peers.

When I speak of things happening to people in adult life it isn't just everyday 'shit'. My point was that I find it quite bold of you to assign labels of luck when you know fuck all about someone on the internet.

I can contribute what I like to a thread and absolutely will it is a public forum.

You jumped on a thread about the impact t of sous ties denial of the impact of toxic oarents by SAYINV that people (oarents) are not perfect and suggesting peole accept it.

If you don’t like the heat in this kitchen where people have been truly harmed by their toxic families, shut up telling said people they just need to see that parents aren’t perfect and get the hell out.

simples 🤷🏻‍♀️🙂

Where do I suggest people accept parents aren't perfect, I didn't post that, you are just making things up to suit your narrative. I wish you luck.

Could you two take it to PMs? Or get a room or something?

Yes and very hard to love and care for them when old and vulnerable wheh you weren’t loved and cared for properly when you were young and vulnerable xxx

❤️

I've grown up with rather a large number of parents via adoption, fostering, step and biological parents. Only one of them was good and I still miss her.

When I was younger I wasn't as good at dodging being interrogated about Christmas etc. The happy and unimaginative used to really not get it that it was better in practise to be alone, however much I longed for the situation to be different. Occasionally I'd be driven to trying to explain.

What was obvious was that they could kind of glimpse that being strangled or having knives waved at you was not a home you wanted to spend Christmas in. What they couldn't get was that a home where you were unwelcome and disliked was actually just as bad.

Just because two people have the name of 'parents' doesn't mean they have to take you in, welcome you and love you and people from happy or even mixed happy/flawed families very often just don't get that the icy-cold families are as damaging as the terrifying ones, assuming you survive at all.

I‘m and Adolescents Social worker and I can 💯 assure you that some parents love their children more than others, and are not only better parents but better people.
How those that are lacking or deficit, however, got to be that way is another question..

I agree with this -( and non related adults in parenting roles are a down right clear n present danger )

You're right, Fred and Rose West really did do their best.

This. And if you think the Wests were the only ones who got off on cruelly mutilating children, at this point the only compassionate thing you can do is keep quiet.