Page 9 | DH expects me to seduce him

Hereagain334 · 2025-07-14T02:15:41+00:00

DH and I are trying for a baby (40's so will be almost impossible). I have blood tests, scans, fertility appointments etc...he doesn't even have to wank into a pot. I have PCOS so realise I'm up against it and won't likely succeed. He knows all this. My AIBU is that he doesn't want ANY pressure about having sex with me during my most fertile days. I've gently tried to explain some days are better than others for getting pregnant but he responded by accusing me of putting pressure on him. When asked how I should go about it he said I should 'come and seduce him' when I'm at my most fertile and that he didn't want to know when that was!! I'm so shocked I can't even articulate a response so am worried I'm being hysterical. But I'm so fucking angry I doubt I'll sleep with the twat again.

MsDDxx · 15/07/2025 14:44

HarkerandBarker · 14/07/2025 03:58

Give and take? 😂😂😂

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Are you drunk?

MsDDxx · 15/07/2025 14:56

Hereagain334 · 14/07/2025 08:00

He was tested in 2016 - we've been to talk to the GP and he didn't think DH needed to get retested - just me to check my cycle (and an unexpected diagnosis of PCOS)

That’s bad advice from your GP. He needs to speak to a proper fertility consultant. He’ll certainly need testing after 9 years. Sperm quality can change over a matter of months.

INeedAnotherName · 15/07/2025 15:14

Hereagain334 · 15/07/2025 14:39

It's the seriousness of ttc that has made me look at our relationship as a whole. And as a pp said - if things are going good everything is rosy. The second it starts getting tough he acts like a sulking entitled brat as I try and muddle through to fix things. Massive red flag if you add a baby to the mix which I won't do now sadly. What I do and where I go from here I'll have to work out myself. The least I can do is try and get some relief for the PCOS.

Maybe I'm being unreasonable but I thought we'd be great parents - financially secure
Money doesn't make good parents at all but having this personality makes a bad one which is why I said he wouldn't make a decent father. If he can't cope with life when it isn't centering him then he's going to struggle putting a child or the family unit first, and that is a cruel thing to put upon a child who had no choice in their parents. You have a choice in providing a good or bad father for your offspring, so a very minimum choice would be not to choose a sulker.

Original poster

Hereagain334 · 15/07/2025 15:36

INeedAnotherName · 15/07/2025 15:14

Maybe I'm being unreasonable but I thought we'd be great parents - financially secure
Money doesn't make good parents at all but having this personality makes a bad one which is why I said he wouldn't make a decent father. If he can't cope with life when it isn't centering him then he's going to struggle putting a child or the family unit first, and that is a cruel thing to put upon a child who had no choice in their parents. You have a choice in providing a good or bad father for your offspring, so a very minimum choice would be not to choose a sulker.

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100%. Can't be doing with sulking!

OP posts:

MumWifeOther · 15/07/2025 17:22

Hereagain334 · 15/07/2025 13:42

Maybe I'm being unreasonable but I thought we'd be great parents - financially secure (as long as one of us works - I could go part time even as the higher earner), little business on the side for me also. His enthusiasm in the beginning really made me believe it was possible but then the reality hit that I have some issues that need to be fixed and its going to take effort on both parts. That was a month ago and we haven't slept together since! I'm not a prude but it's hard to feel desired when he'd rather get pissed than get down and dirty. Our sex life was the polar opposite a year ago and I don't know what has changed! I can't help thinking I'm to blame for my stupid ovaries having problems and this has turned him off. Should have kept that quiet in retrospect...

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I reckon this is a classic case of him not feeling “man” enough. I’ll probably get flamed for saying it but men really need to provide and protect. It sounds very much like you don’t need him at all and he knows it. Your whole dynamic needs to change but most likely it won’t, so you probably need to go your seperate ways. To be honest, when I said to seduce him I thought there was a bit more equilibrium in the relationship but realistically, there isn’t. I wouldn’t be turned on for a man I was providing for.

Laura95167 · 15/07/2025 17:26

Im his defence the pressure may stop him cough rising to the occasion or completing his mission..

Its not unreasonable to want some passion or romance in the baby making. Assuming sex is about more than just having a baby and you love and fancy him id do it. You might enjoy it more too.

BackThen8878 · 15/07/2025 17:40

Your updates unfortunately make him sound like he would be a terrible father. Parenthood is extremely stressful. Very demanding and selfless, a lot of sleep deprivation on and off for at least a year or two. You'd be doing the hard work and what you need is a supportive partner.

Can you imagine what a terrible father and ex husband he will be?

A baby deserves much much better.

DogsandDungarees · 15/07/2025 18:18

I personally disagree, why should women have to protect men from any of the pressure when the pressure unfortunately is there ! Because she will still know what the fertile days are and the low chance if she doesn’t follow them. It’s a partnership and if they both want a baby they should share the pressure of this

Original poster

Hereagain334 · 15/07/2025 18:30

I am not going to pursue pregnancy now with him - it's too risky and unfair if it miraculously succeeds. I've tried to be sexy and relaxed to take the pressure off despite feeling I shouldn't have to and he'd rather pass out so bigger problems seem to be surfacing at the moment.

OP posts:

Doorwayss · 15/07/2025 18:31

OP, sounds like a loser who love bombed you.
He's not father material.
Get out of this.
Don't inflict a waster on a child.
You will bitterly regret it.

Doorwayss · 15/07/2025 18:32

How long are you married? Get legal advice.

Laura95167 · 15/07/2025 18:40

Hereagain334 · 15/07/2025 18:30

I am not going to pursue pregnancy now with him - it's too risky and unfair if it miraculously succeeds. I've tried to be sexy and relaxed to take the pressure off despite feeling I shouldn't have to and he'd rather pass out so bigger problems seem to be surfacing at the moment.

Sorry to hear it but sounds the right decision sadly x

Barnbrack · 15/07/2025 19:00

Poppins21 · 15/07/2025 05:32

Sorry for how hard your journey is and I appreciate it’s not the same for everyone.

That was my point the journey isn’t the same for every person. I didn’t get your question though- did I realise it would only be 3 months?

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No my point is the first few months when the expectation is that all is well is all lingerie and no birth control and great fun. That goes down the pan when you're facing age, PCOS, endometriosis or miscarriage. I have 2 kids and that journey is my past but EVERYONE is having fun he first few months until they realise there's an issue. You had a 3 month journey so never experienced how that'd deteriorates against loss and negative tests

BackThen8878 · 15/07/2025 19:45

DogsandDungarees · 15/07/2025 18:18

I personally disagree, why should women have to protect men from any of the pressure when the pressure unfortunately is there ! Because she will still know what the fertile days are and the low chance if she doesn’t follow them. It’s a partnership and if they both want a baby they should share the pressure of this

I completely agree with this. What he is saying is he is absolving himself of all the stress and responsibility and it's OP's responsibility to make it fun for him. If he were a real loving husband, he would ALSO make the effort. Takes two to have sex and make a baby. Why is it on the OP to seduce him and take on the stress of it all and just grin and bear it?

Nah. He's a shit.

Poppins21 · 15/07/2025 19:49

Barnbrack · 15/07/2025 19:00

No my point is the first few months when the expectation is that all is well is all lingerie and no birth control and great fun. That goes down the pan when you're facing age, PCOS, endometriosis or miscarriage. I have 2 kids and that journey is my past but EVERYONE is having fun he first few months until they realise there's an issue. You had a 3 month journey so never experienced how that'd deteriorates against loss and negative tests

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I agree I didn’t have any of the stress and heartbreak but my point was for many people conception is a straight forward process so not a “serious business” as described. But to be fair, I think there are many more issues in the OPs situation than fertility and it now seems she is leaving him.

SENNeeds2 · 16/07/2025 01:26

It might be easier to buy some urine sample type pots and a turkey baster