DH expects me to seduce him

[Hereagain334]

DH and I are trying for a baby (40's so will be almost impossible). I have blood tests, scans, fertility appointments etc...he doesn't even have to wank into a pot. I have PCOS so realise I'm up against it and won't likely succeed. He knows all this. My AIBU is that he doesn't want ANY pressure about having sex with me during my most fertile days. I've gently tried to explain some days are better than others for getting pregnant but he responded by accusing me of putting pressure on him. When asked how I should go about it he said I should 'come and seduce him' when I'm at my most fertile and that he didn't want to know when that was!!
I'm so shocked I can't even articulate a response so am worried I'm being hysterical. But I'm so fucking angry I doubt I'll sleep with the twat again.

You are not a woman. You can't be. Your rampant misogyny is giving you away.

This is pretty normal. It's because they can feel the pressure of performance as such and it can lead to them failing to get an erection or ejaculate.

My husband said similar in IVF. He's a lovely man, very unselfish and an equal parent to our now children in all respects. IVF is emotionally hard on both parties. A competition of "well it's worse for the woman" can lead to lack of empathy between two people who are going through something differently but together.

OP I know you're feeling awful over all this but it really doesn't sound like you like your partner or that you think well of him. Maybe that's reasonable and maybe that's not. But either way I don't think you should be actively trying to have kids with someone you think quite badly of.

monitoring ovulation gets pretty tiresome after a while . Then there is all the waiting around monitoring for pms vs pregnancy symptoms, praying your period doesn’t arrive and being upset when it does . Men have it easy they don’t have all that to deal with at least, though I’m sure it is stressful for them in its own way.

It will happen when it's good and ready. Can't force it. That's all I'm saying. Bullying just doesn't work. Patience.

So he struggles at the best of times and the pressure of ttc is only making it worse ?

he is your life partner not a random why is coming onto him a little some sort of offence?

I'd say this is also a eyeppener for what hes dealing with....

Sometimes infertility is a blessing thay saves a child from a bad situation.
Like a shit home life..

Tell it like it is 👊

You are speaking in such a derogatory way about someone you want to have a baby with?

And rude to people who are trying to give her some good advice

Yuck

Are you both ready to be parents? He doesn’t sound fully on board and you sound like an angry potty mouth

On what basis can you actually say that.l? Just because he doesn’t want sex whenever the op demands it? TTC doesn’t give any woman the right to cohesively control their partner and I guarantee if the sexes were reversed he would be called manipulative and abusive.

He no doubt could have worded it better but is he actually trying to tell you he’s nervous about not being able to perform?

I’m not going to lie, when I was ttc I went full clinical, ovulation sticks, vitamins for both of us etc. Imagine my shock to find out that yelling “I have a faint line on an ovulation stick” did not result in immediate sex but instead my normally totally reliable DH found that a total turn off…! (And yes he was desperate for a baby and is a fab Dad).

I think ttc can be really hard for everyone. Maybe work together to see how you can increase your chances of having good sex at the right moments? If he needs a bit of lingerie every now and then I’d do it if that’s going to help!

I agree. No way this is a woman unless they’re around 90-100 years old and were a stereotypical 1950s housewife…

And the misandry on this thread is equally rampant. Yet more examples of total hypocrisy and double standards when it comes to demanding sex. No one, regardless of the reason, has any right to demand sex whenever they want it and if you think that’s misogynistic then I suggest you look up the proper definition. The op does not appear to like her partner very much and is coming across to me as using him for one thing.

Trans?

You sound really miserable and unhappy with him OP so I don't know why you're trying. Why not get a divorce instead? That's what it sounds like you'd prefer.

You're being selfish and unrealistic. Google the pressure on men of trying to conceive. It is a real thing. And has broken marriages. Men are not robots. They can't just 'get it up and go' on command. Same as women can't. Women need foreplay and to be in the mood. Why is it you think men are any different? How would you feel if your husband entered the room and said I'm ready for sex, turn over, brace yourself. That's it. Nothing. No foreplay, nothing.

That's what you're doing to your husband. He is not going to be able to 'perform', so you won't get what you want. You're being self-defeating in the way you're treating him like shit. You're treating him like a robot and a means to get what you want....pregnant. You're not even treating him like a human being! It's not right when men treat women like that. It's not right either when women treat men like that. Either stop using him as an object for your goal and start seeing him as a human being, or divorce him and let him find a woman who sees him as a human and treats him like one. He'd be better off without you tbh, you sound horrible and nasty and selfish.

OP, post this again in the day time. You’ll get more balanced replies.

We had a a longer time than we would have liked ttc number 2. It is helpful to both of you to try and keep the sex enjoyable and spontaneous but reality is, sometimes you will have to do it when neither of you are in the mood and it will take a bit to get going for both od you. If he’s not on board with this, does he even want a child or is he just going along with you? Fwiw, when we eventually conceived dc2, I’m confident that it was one of the ‘needs must cos of ovulation’ times.

Whilst it’s nice to keep some of the spontaneity, Asking you to put on a performance each and every time and asking to be kept completely in the dark about when you are fertile is pretty pathetic. TTC is a team effort, or should be, why should you bear all the emotional burden? I hope he at least reciprocates in making sure you enjoy it, something tells me he won’t.