DH expects me to seduce him

[Hereagain334]

DH and I are trying for a baby (40's so will be almost impossible). I have blood tests, scans, fertility appointments etc...he doesn't even have to wank into a pot. I have PCOS so realise I'm up against it and won't likely succeed. He knows all this. My AIBU is that he doesn't want ANY pressure about having sex with me during my most fertile days. I've gently tried to explain some days are better than others for getting pregnant but he responded by accusing me of putting pressure on him. When asked how I should go about it he said I should 'come and seduce him' when I'm at my most fertile and that he didn't want to know when that was!!
I'm so shocked I can't even articulate a response so am worried I'm being hysterical. But I'm so fucking angry I doubt I'll sleep with the twat again.

At least I have met the occasional man who qualifies as a decent human being…

Does he find it impossible to 'perform' if he's under pressure? If so don't tell him when the right time is, but be obviously keen, I don't think a pole dance in the bedroom or excessive seduction is necessary, might even have the opposite effect if he has performance nerves.

Or he's really not keen on having a baby with you, most men jump at sex anytime it's on offer.

I think you need to get a life tbh. You've commented on this thread a stupid amount and added very little of value.

Are you bored? Or triggered somehow by this thread? Sick of seeing your name

Thing is, a line on an ovulation stick isn’t the biggest turn on for women either.

You do the turning on after the decision I guess!

I’ve never heard of a man (no underlying issues) having trouble with the cup, So why would he have more trouble with his wife?

I get it after several rounds, when it’s starting to disappoint. But early on?

I’d feel disappointed too, OP.

What if he took responsibility for reading up on vitamins and making super healthy meals as his contribution? Slightly off the wall, but would that help you feel less alone?

Do you like this man? This is not how I would write about my DH. Do you want a baby with your DH or do you want a baby? As others have said most men are really easy to seduce and if it helps keep things moving - why not?

I agree that not having children is valid but we really do need to get rid of our children should be seen and not heard attitude.

Hideous isn’t it.
Don’t post at night tho, it’s crawling with them.

Hereagain334

*Why the fuck should I have to seduce him??? He's taking on zero mental load/responsibility! But whinges about pressure. And loves to boast how he'll 'knock me up'... yet is pretty much incapable.’

op you sound so angry and to be honest like you hate him. Do you love him? While I agree what he says is probably irritating when as women we know sex is high on man’s agenda, assuming he should just be ready doesn’t sound great either. And most men surely take on a percentage of the load/ responsibility/ worry, just not the amount that’s needed, they’re not just sperm donors

It doesn’t sound like he’s very giving does it. Or considerate. Or helpful. Why do you want a baby with him? If he can’t be bothered to create it with enthusiasm and care for you why is he suddenly going to be man of the year caring for baby?
Sorry that’s frank but he sounds selfish.

Im just thinking if it was reversed and men had a certain window of the month when their sperm was potent. Just imagining DP looking at me solemnly saying "we need to have sex tonight, my sperm is on". It just kinda repulses me.
Hes saying just come onto him when youre fertile and it makes perfect sense.

However your parting shot of "...which he struggles to produce at the best of times" makes me think there's more layers in this relationship. It sounds like you've reached breaking point with him. Have you considered breaking up and using a donor?

Most men would drop their pants for a shag.
(my long life experience tells me that).

If he wants the baby you have to make the effort!

Doesn’t bode well for a loving home to bring children into.

Speaking of seeing people as human, perhaps husband needs a little more empathy around the fact that OP is going through what will potentially be one of the most difficult experiences of her life, and just leaving her to it (fertility treatment).

Neither are without fault - as is almost always the case in relationships - and as in my longer post above, it sounds like they have a lot to work on before thinking about bringing a baby into this.

Agree ,he sounds like a dick
My fanny would of slammed shut had my DH said that to me
We have DC and every time my DH jokingly said there was no trying for a baby .it was ..shall we have a baby ,bam , pregnant.
But had he of come out with what yours said ,yuk ..no trying no baby .
He doesn't want to be part of the process,he wants no responsibility,
Does he actually want children..I would of assumed not if mine had been like this .
Sounds like a complete man child

^^
I understand it’s pressuring to TTC but for goodness sake all he needs to do is have sex. You’ve got all the medical appts, body tracking etc to do. I’d also be annoyed about having another thing added to the list ….but truthfully would have me questioning if he really wants a child and also how he would cope when/if you have a child. It’s not a good sign that he can’t even pull his finger out for something that is pretty good fun and easy to do!

@Hereagain334

Nothing screams romance like “this is your responsibility you selfish twat”. If it doesn’t spring to action for that, I don’t know what will work.

In the nicest way possible op, you are being completely unreasonable. Duty sex or functional sex is the worst. It’s high pressure, high stakes and not at all fun. I’m not surprised your husband is struggling. It’s also a lot harder (or not) for him, as he has to be able to maintain an erection. So being turned on and not feeling it’s his duty, is probably a fair request.

He's asked you not to tell him it’s ovulation time. He doesn’t want sex to be a job on the list with cleaning the bathroom. He wants you to seduce him. I doubt he means all singing and dancing, but sometimes all I need to do is send my husband a cheeky message or wear some fancy knickers under a tight pair of jeans and he’s good to go. Basically it sounds like he wants to know you actually want to have sex with him because you fancy him and enjoy it.