Feel uneasy with my partner’s suggestions on splitting food/toiletries costs

[Amber991]

Hi all, I am looking for some second opinions. I moved in with my partner a few months ago. All has been going well, but recently he has started saying we should have a fairer split of our food and toiletries bill, which we usually halve.

Every time we do our main weekly shop, he now goes item by item with the receipt and splits this out. But it goes to the length of him even taking into account if I have leftovers for lunch the next day, and putting a weighting towards this so I pay more. If he thinks I’ll have an extra pack of crisps from a multi pack, he will weight that.

I have a recent stomach issue which I’m seeing my Doctor about which means I’ve been going to the loo more than usual and have been really uncomfortable. So when he went through the receipt yesterday and there was loo roll, I had to pay more on the basis I’ve been using more.

I find this really OTT! Does anyone do similar in terms of the split or do you agree it’s strange?

Is money an issue? Sounds v controlling and tight and definitely not a ‘partnership’

Run. If you ever marry he’s going to count the peas you eat.

OMG Toilet paper counting?! How humiliating. 😱
Probably time to reconsider the relationship.

No, he earns well (I do too but less than him) but struggles with spending and prefers to save

This sounds really controlling. I’m sorry but I could not live my life like this.

OMG! Get rid of this one OP! It will only get worse! No one who loves you will quibble about you using more toilet roll when you have an upset stomach!! What a tight arse he is!

I was never even likes that when a student. I was the poorest outbof all of us. This would give me the ick

Fully nutty. Like say its true you used more loo roll does he begrudge you a clean bum?

I dont think money is the issue. Tbh thos level of tightness would make me rethink the relationship its controlling and odd

I would be moving back out, pronto

I could not have sex with a man like this so on that basis it would be time to leave

Run.

Well he's fucking insane.

The Mumsnet consensus will always be "household money". I am a complete split finance relationship, literally everything. I bought the past two shops which contained probably more high value items for my partner than me and he will do the next couple. If we go together we will split it at the checkout so it's roughly 50 50 with any expensive items that are person eg I like expensive wine my partner doesn't drink, going on my shop. And even I think this is positively fucking bonkers.

I don't think you will be able to talk him down from this and I'd consider leaving. Again. I want to reiterate, I say this as a completely split finances relationship.

The tight arse comment might account for the shite coming out of his mouth rather than the other end😂

I'd tell him to go fuck himself, split up and try to find a man who's not going to police my toilet roll use.

Tell him you're thinking about moving out because of the mad money management situation. See if he backs down. If not, start looking for somewhere. This isn't a long term manageable situation.

Accounting for who is eating what food is petty, keeping track of loo roll is unhinged.

OP he sounds tight and controlling. Neither are good qualities for a healthy relationship. Time for you to think whether you want to live like this going forward. He'll get worse if you ever go on Mat leave. I'd get out NOW if I was you.

Have you spoken to him and pointed out that it’s incredibly petty, time consuming and not a way to run a joint household? Have you started charging for anything you help him with?

I’d be moving straight out again TBH.

You wonder if it’s OTT ?

I hope you have somewhere to stay when you pack your bags and leave.

Nerr.err run for the hills. He's not going to be supportive in pregnancy, illness, pets etc

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

I wouldn't be staying in this relationship and would be moving out asap.
It would be understandable if you were adding a load of make up to the shopping basket and expecting him to go halves on that but to be watching how much loo roll you use is OTT. He doesn't sound like a partner and sees it all as a financial transaction. I would not be wanting to stay with him as I wouldn't ever be able to enjoy myself as I assume he is like this if you go out and would want to split the bill!

I know a couple like this. She pays for the lightbulb in the living room lamp because she reads books in there. And for the battery in the kitchen clock because she uses the clock in there and he wears a watch. They are friends of my parents and in their seventies but it’s always been like this. Obviously this is no way to live your life.

He's already financially controlling you. Huge red flags, it won't be long before he tries to control other aspects of you life
B

This is not normal. Do not accept this shitty behaviour.