Feel uneasy with my partner’s suggestions on splitting food/toiletries costs

[Amber991]

Hi all, I am looking for some second opinions. I moved in with my partner a few months ago. All has been going well, but recently he has started saying we should have a fairer split of our food and toiletries bill, which we usually halve.

Every time we do our main weekly shop, he now goes item by item with the receipt and splits this out. But it goes to the length of him even taking into account if I have leftovers for lunch the next day, and putting a weighting towards this so I pay more. If he thinks I’ll have an extra pack of crisps from a multi pack, he will weight that.

I have a recent stomach issue which I’m seeing my Doctor about which means I’ve been going to the loo more than usual and have been really uncomfortable. So when he went through the receipt yesterday and there was loo roll, I had to pay more on the basis I’ve been using more.

I find this really OTT! Does anyone do similar in terms of the split or do you agree it’s strange?

They weren’t poor, it was in Waitrose and they clearly had money.

Well also, he didn't say "we can't afford it", he said, in essence "we're not getting it because I don't benefit from it, even though you do". And it was a jar of jam, a simple pleasure if ever there was one, not an exotic holiday or car.

This is what women are generally guarding against when they avoid men who show signs of stinginess. They don't want to fleece anyone, they just don't want to end up with a mean, petty twat who sees the entire relationship as adversarial and transactional and thinks he's been somehow cuckolded if his wife has some jam or a packet of crisps. I know I said it already but it bears repeating... they're shit in bed too.

I'd leave

Tight with money, tight with love. He is not and will not be a supportive partner in life.

This is ridiculous.

My partner and I put the same amount into a kitty each month for food shopping, which I then do (we split our chores evenly and thats one of mine), some weeks I might throw a deodorant in there for myself, other weeks he wants his specific expensive protein cereal bars that come in at a fiver a box. Over time though it balances it out and I wouldn't dream of working it out by line item. How stingy.

I have a recent stomach issue which I’m seeing my Doctor about which means I’ve been going to the loo more than usual and have been really uncomfortable. So when he went through the receipt yesterday and there was loo roll, I had to pay more on the basis I’ve been using more.

I guarantee your stomach issue (caused by anxiety from living with a nutcase) will go away very shortly after you boot the idiot out of your life and regain peace of mind.
[if the post is serious which I still doubt)

This is what women are generally guarding against when they avoid men who show signs of stinginess. They don't want to fleece anyone, they just don't want to end up with a mean, petty twat who sees the entire relationship as adversarial and transactional and thinks he's been somehow cuckolded if his wife has some jam or a packet of crisps. I know I said it already but it bears repeating... they're shit in bed too.

Exactly as @ThatCyanCat said. Because they can't think outside of themselves and consider others, even their life partner - whose purpose is to serve their needs. It's all part of the same self-obsessed personality disorder.

This is awful. Please leave.

As mentioned on a previous thread just recently ,
nothing gives me the ick like a tight man, I’d be gone like a shot ! Toilet roll, gotta be a joke 🙄

My vag would have zipped shut the moment he suggested I pay more for loo roll because I have a stomach issue. He doesn’t care about you in the slightest, get rid.

Memories of telling the school caretaker that we needed loo roll in the women's toilet and he said 'I don't know what you women do with it, you go through so much!'. We offered to tell him, as well as saying that we tend not to have stained zip areas in our trousers!

Move back out. As soon as you can.

Move out.
This is your life with a mean ugly man.
This is who he really is.

Yeah cos he'll probably start negotiating over who pays for the condoms.

Surely you date to figure things out. He's a twat. Job done.

@Amber991 gtf out! This is batshit
wonder what he will control next .
How much washing powder you use as you have a bra and he doesn’t.

Hi Jade

Run. Really far and really fast.

How trapped are you with this parasite? Terrible partner. Can you move out?

He’s not your partner. Stop kidding yourself. He’s a flatmate that you are having sex with.

You have two options. Either you enjoy having sex with your flatmate and you continue this arrangement but start buying your own individual groceries, etc like flatmates do. Or you want to have a boyfriend, and this man is not your boyfriend so you need to move on and find someone else.

Does he time your showers or count how many times you flush the toilet to divide the water bill? Does he time how long you use your hairdryer? If he doesn’t already do that, that’s the next step. Your choice if you want to live like that or not.

Please do not buy a house or have children with this man. I have so many friends financially abused by their husbands when they leave for maternity, go part time to care for their children etc. I am certain he would do this!

Red flags waving all over the place here! A healthy relationship is a partnership of equals. So you each pay an equal proportion of your net salary towards the outgoings. Whoever earns more will pay more, but the proportion of your net salary will be equal. This is what my husband and I did when we first moved in together and it worked perfectly. You cannot be quibbling over bags of crisps and loo roll. There’s no future for any relationship if you sweat the small stuff! Here endeth the lesson of someone who has been with their other half for nearly 35 years! Good luck.

How do you even manage to have sex with this tight fisted prick? Sorry, I couldn't even look at him without feeling resentful over this. I don't care if he was the "nicest" man in the world, I would run far and fast away from him - I'd rather be single (and have been for over ten years) than deal with someone like this.

Trully ick inducing

The worst thing is, his behaviour tells you he is not willing to take care of and look after you like a normal loving person would. Number of toilet sheets you used is at the forefront of his mind not the fact that you are ill.

He sounds quite cold and calculated, like you are a factor affecting his balance sheet, not a person to love and share life with.

This would be the death of any feelings if i were you.

I don't think the OP is coming back