Feel uneasy with my partner’s suggestions on splitting food/toiletries costs

[Amber991]

Hi all, I am looking for some second opinions. I moved in with my partner a few months ago. All has been going well, but recently he has started saying we should have a fairer split of our food and toiletries bill, which we usually halve.

Every time we do our main weekly shop, he now goes item by item with the receipt and splits this out. But it goes to the length of him even taking into account if I have leftovers for lunch the next day, and putting a weighting towards this so I pay more. If he thinks I’ll have an extra pack of crisps from a multi pack, he will weight that.

I have a recent stomach issue which I’m seeing my Doctor about which means I’ve been going to the loo more than usual and have been really uncomfortable. So when he went through the receipt yesterday and there was loo roll, I had to pay more on the basis I’ve been using more.

I find this really OTT! Does anyone do similar in terms of the split or do you agree it’s strange?

Massive ick 🚩

Surely you already use twice as much loo roll due to being a woman? Or is this just utter bullshit.

You have different approaches to money. He is not someone you want to waste spend your life with.

Picture this, you stay together. In 5 years time you become unwell and can't work, or decide to have children. You end up claiming PIP, UC or relying on mat pay.

Is he going to make you pay exactly 50%? Pay him back because you had an extra slice of pizza? Do you really think he will go from counting up the toilet rolls to stepping up and supporting you?

If he isn't happy covering you for a fraction more food or TP, then what will he do when you think the kids need new shoes, or want to go to a toddler group on mat leave?

Put him back. He is being ridiculous and clearly he isn't ready for the push and pull of a committed relationship.

Red flags.

Get out while you can.

End it

Cheap with money, cheap with love. You know he's shit in bed too.

Crikey, whatever you do, don't have a baby with this one.

Unbelievable!

Reddist of red flags.

Not normal . He should supporting you when poorly, not penalising you. This is stingyness to the highest degree. Not good news. Sorry, (actually not sorry) but ditch him.

Ick.

There’s being careful with money then there’s being a stingy bastard. How is that a partnership?

I would dump and move on.

Absolutely not. What a miserable way to live.

My ex husband was like this. We had to shop with separate baskets at the supermarket as he lived on pot noodles and frozen breaded chicken and said he wasn't paying half the cost of 'my' food which was fresh salmon and vegetables, despite the fact that i was happy to cook for both of us. If he bought a loaf of bread on the way home from work and it was £1.40, he'd stand there with hand stretched out asking for 70p. I couldn't get rid of him quick enough. He's a Director in the Civil service would you believe?

I look back on that time and realise what a crazy way to live it was. I also feel very sorry for his new wife.

This, this level of financial tightness would give me the instant ick.

I knew a couple like this. They divorced !

Sounds like the type of crap we did as students when every penny counted, not a partnership!

is he good and generous in bed? I have never met a tightwad who is sexually competent.

that aside, I mean, come on! How ridiculous. I’d tell him no thanks, that approach won’t work for me. Why does he get to choose how the money situation works? It should be a mutually agreed solution and this is clearly batshit.

He sounds downright mean. It's not being careful it's being tight.

I'd start to rethink your relationship. Have the conversation but make it clear that it's unattractive and just not in. Personally I wouldn't bother with the conversation, I'd just make my plans to go. Or better, get him to go.

For the second time tonight I'm putting a post in my top 5 batshit things ive read on MN!! @Amber991 this is seriously not normal and I wouldn't be entertaining this, im all for being fair but this is just ridiculous

Run for the hills

That is ridiculously controlling, and in no way a partnership. Get out. And for the love of god don't have children with him.

I would move out, but not before I told him how his tightness, and fussiness, especially over toilet paper, when you have a health condition are both off putting and unattractive.
I really detest men like this. In fact it makes me shudder.

Massive ick

Huge red flag
Move back out - he sounds petty and controlling

It's a bit concerning that you have to ask if this behaviour is OTT, I'm not sure what your past relationships have been like but this is mad! You're meant to be a couple, a team etc, and he's acting like this?!!