Feel uneasy with my partner’s suggestions on splitting food/toiletries costs

[Amber991]

Hi all, I am looking for some second opinions. I moved in with my partner a few months ago. All has been going well, but recently he has started saying we should have a fairer split of our food and toiletries bill, which we usually halve.

Every time we do our main weekly shop, he now goes item by item with the receipt and splits this out. But it goes to the length of him even taking into account if I have leftovers for lunch the next day, and putting a weighting towards this so I pay more. If he thinks I’ll have an extra pack of crisps from a multi pack, he will weight that.

I have a recent stomach issue which I’m seeing my Doctor about which means I’ve been going to the loo more than usual and have been really uncomfortable. So when he went through the receipt yesterday and there was loo roll, I had to pay more on the basis I’ve been using more.

I find this really OTT! Does anyone do similar in terms of the split or do you agree it’s strange?

Does he not eat more than you overall, what with being a man and all?
And how does he know that even with your stomach issues you’re using more loo roll?

He's a nut job, OP. Such a shame, but good job you found out now before you waste any more time trying to make sense of him.

Don't wait until he is visibly counting the crisps as you eat each one!

What an absolute freak. Where are MN users finding these people?

How unattractive and controlling…I couldn’t live like this !

Unbelievable behaviour. Either it’s a ‘partnership’ and you split 5050 or it’s not. He’s being incredibly petty. Toilet roll ffs.

I had an ex exactly like this!! I also paid half of my engagement ring. He headed for the hills when I became pregnant, and I suspect that cost was one of his chief motivating factors. He ensured that he didn’t set foot in the country my daughter and I moved back to (eventually - after some years of being uninvolved) so he wasn’t liable for maintenance. She’ll be 28 this year and wouldn’t know him from Adam.

As others have said, run!

And mine in washing powder, his jeans are deffo bigger than mine!

Seriously OP…. run!

Have it out with him it’s weird and controlling and I wouldn’t put up with it. If he doesn’t change run far away! Me and my ex didn’t share money but we would alternate weeks. Sometimes you got a cheap week and sometimes you didn’t! Unless one of us was wanting something over and above …ie he was bulking at the gym and eating loads of chicken it landed how it landed

I wouldn’t be surprised if your stomach issues come from the stress caused by living with this controlling man.

I couldn't live like that. I'd be reconsidering the relationship.

Unanimous vote...?
You move out.

He’s quibbling about toilet roll? It’s not like you’re throwing back the finest champagne when he makes do with own-brand coke! Get rid of him omg.

Me too…PDQ !!!

Mean with money, mean with love…

Imagine celebrating your golden wedding anniversary.

That’s the next fifty years of him dividing up every teensy tiny Little petty ridiculous thing in your life.
Cereal
Lunch meat
Cheese
Oatmeal
Laundry detergent
Cutting your sheets in half down the middle
Labeling every single towel
Marking the dishes
His and hers tea & coffee
Will he count the bread slices?

I wish you luck, @Amber991— you are certainly gonna need it. ❤️

He's weird and controlling. Get out now, and be thankful he won't be your problem any more.

Move out.

The sort of partner you need is one that when you have a poorly tummy comes home with extra quilted toilet paper without you asking.

He is being wildly, wildly unreasonable. This is not in the same universe, let along parish, as reasonable.

This isn't being frugal and sensible. This is being an outrageous skinflint and a selfish, unsupportive asshole. Already I see you go halves, despite the fact that he earns more than you. That is not outrageous, but sounds like what you're experiencing now is him testing the waters and showing you what he's really like.

I'd be having an absolutely come to jesus talk with him to explain that this is in no way acceptable - but privately I'd be developing a plan B to leave, because I don't think meanness with money is a personality trait that is likely to change.

It's very strange indeed, I've never before come across it. Is he worried about money at the moment, does he have debt? It could be his way of saying you need to tighten your belts but doesn't want to spell it out. If not it's just plain mean imo.

Sounds v stingy and strange. Sorry OP, is he financially controlling in other ways? I understand paying your way with household bills but 50/50 right down to who uses more toilet paper pays extra? How long have you been together, has he always been this way?

Never marry a tight fisted man! Dump him @Amber991 If you have children, he will do fuck-all in the house, or to 'help' with the children. Men like this are selfish as fuck, and usually selfish in bed. Urgh! I hate a stingy man. 😖

My husband has colitis (well had, as he has a stoma now), we go through shit tonnes of toilet roll. I'd be a millionaire if I asked him to pay me half.

Your boyfriends a cunt.

The way I would dump him so fast for this

Think long term. What happens when you go on maternity and can't work as having a child. What happens if you get sick long term and can't work. Do you really want to be with someone who bills you for toilet roll! Have a higher standard for yourself and leave this relationship. He is not your person. Being tight is so unattractive and major ick.