Stormed out of family gathering am I the holiday wrecker

[stormedoutaibu]

DH and I are early 30s, DD is 2, on a family mini break away (staying in separate accommodation to in-laws who are DH parents sister along with naughty dog and aunties)
sister very anxious about dog and DD mixing (bit aggressive and unruly large frenchie about staffie sized so DH and I have to police very carefully) and has cried a few times about it today.
FIL rolled his eyes at me earlier for insisting my DH goes to grab DD beach shoes (I didn’t go as I’m 30’weeks pregnant in a heatwave)
MIL and FIL keep bickering

went to enjoy takeaway a their Airbnb. And my DD was sent away to dance in the lounge several rooms from where the adults were sat ‘to give the dog some peace’ and to ‘go and do it in the lounge cos of the dog’
i thought about it for 5 minutes or so and then left with my daughter as this offended me but I didn’t tell DH where I had gone but told MIL I was at a park within line of sight of the air bnb
they and my husband is acting like I’ve ruined everyone’s holiday and been the 4th reason that FIL has ever cried
all honesty I’ve had enough of the whole thing them bickering and the dog being priority over my toddler

Nope, as soon as someone says that my child needs to leave a room because of a dog then we'll both be leaving the room and not returning.

Yep, that is why I dont take my children there anymore. But apparently thats my fault they hardly see their grandsons, and not the dogs 😂

Sounds like they were all pissed.

All very dramatic.

It is a good call not to take your children there. When people say after a dog attack that there were no warning signs, that is rarely true. I would avoid these dogs as an adult.

@MrsSunshine2b incredibly dramatic

I'm just so glad I wasn't there....I've only got to Page 3 of this holiday nightmare and beginning to lose the will to live.

I love dogs but they are pets and ideally rank lower in family hierarchy.

One wonders if the dog was irritated by the cuteness overload of unbridled Peppa Pig dancing.🐕🐩

There are always warning signs, but they are often missed especially when not being properly supervised around children. My dog is never left alone with children, because children can be pretty mean to dogs, or if a dog has food aggression all it takes is for a child to come close enough to be perceived as a threat. My dog is always crated if I cant fully supervise. He has no food aggression or issues because i trained him right. I made sure there was no food aggression by regularly taking treats off him and giving them back, its so easy if you do that from day 1. Literally anyone can take a bone from between his jaws. My son has been giving commands since he was 3 and even now 8 years later he still does as hes told. I taught my kids how to be safe around dogs and how to respect them. But even then I never leave them alone together, and not because I dont trust my dog but because I dont trust kids when my back is turned 😂

Hi everyone, mine is a family problem
i live with my son who has severe learning difficulties, recently he has been quite ill
i I have 4 grown up children 2 boys 2 girls
My son has always worked since he left school, but now he’s ill he hasn’t worked for 4 months, he is now on UC but it’s less than half his wage he does get pip but this still doesn’t make up the difference
i think we have been ok whilst he worked but now (I’m on state pension) we are strugglinb
we we have always helped his siblings in the past if they had difficulties of any kind, as we should, but they do not visit him stating there busy with work and children, so he is very isolated and depressed I have told them all these things but to no avail, I must admit I have cried sometimes, I don’t know what to do now?

I think some are being unfair here.
Families are really difficult- trust me I know and can understand you protecting your nearest and dearest.
You are not in the wrong here.
You clearly have the right instincts in protecting your child; I’m not sorry to say, but bleep everyone else and continue to be your best version of yourself.
nothing but support from me, take care

Yeah so they are a nightmare …

That’s ridiculous sorry, and I’m a massive animal lover (I have more than 20 pets).

Don't go on holiday with in-laws again

It sounds like everyone except your DD is behaving badly, personally if I had a toddler and was pregnant I wouldn't dream of going on holiday with anyone who insisted on bringing a volatile large French bull terrier-you would never be able to relax for a second, mind you I think stomping off without telling your DH is you acting rather like a toddler-just be more selective who you holiday with.

[Facepalm] NEVER bring the vast majority of dogs anywhere near the child. The dogs wellbeing is not the priority here. The DOG stays away. In this scenario the dog is the one who should be removed, not the child. If the overemotional anthropomorphic owner can't manage without the dog, they need to go too. I just want parents to feel confident in asserting that a child comes before any animal no matter how needy (or is that the owner???!).

They sound like the kind of family that would fuck up any holiday or family event all by themselves.

They probably never meet and enjoy a quiet time.
Reduce contact. Individuals only never en mass.

Oh good god ! everyone sounds hot , bothered and stressed out .
French bulldogs can be very watchful and guard their owners so caution around the Frenchie is sensible.
If a small child were running round and enjoying themselves dancing around my own dog I’d probably put my dog in another room to be honest as that could get him excited , he’d start jumping to join in and while meaning no harm ..he could knock or bump a very small child .
Settled or quieter play would not bother him at all
I don’t have a French bulldog BTW I have another breed .
I have gone with my family to have a short break away ( it was a celebration) with husband’s family/ extended family.
That was interesting..we had the worst and longest journey to get there and as soon as arrived after 9 hours drive I was “ jumped on “ to he helping immediately with food prep .
One day it felt like 2 SILs and the MIL were in bloody competition with each other about who had done what etc ..drove me round the bend

Well if my husband was treating me like this I’d be telling him to fuck off his parents air bnb for the remainder of the holiday or packing my stuff and going home with DD! I’d tell the group that you’re not leaving because of what they’ve done but because their son/brother is treating his pregnant wife like crap… and I’d leave!

As both a mother and a dog owner this is my opinion :

If my DD was dancing to her favourite song and had only been doing so for a few minutes I would expect everyone to tolerate this for a couple of songs then distract her to another activity …. Evenings are adult time and people want to sit and talk without having loud music and kids screeching ‘lol at me’… if my DD was sent away because of an aggressive dog though I’d have left too… IMO the dog and child should NEVER be in the same room as each other… when you and SIL are in the same building the dog should either stay at home or be in a crate, SIL should then leave regularly to fuss the dog and walk it for its toileting needs…
What usually happens when you visit in a non holiday situation? Does SIL leave her dog home or bring it to family gatherings?

Right so as the dog owner who is is holding my dog back and getting all cut up
by by the lead being pulled against my bare legs….. of course this is a horrendous situation, she’s lost control of her dog, her dog is in a very dangerous high stressed situation, she’s getting angry/stressed/embarrassed and upset… your child’s behaviour (however cute and innocent) is winding her dog up more … everyone except you can see this… someone has suggested child is removed… suggested grandad took child because you’re 30 weeks pregnant and sat down… child then fell while in other room in Gdad?? Dad is fetching something while all this is happening?! You then get up because Dd is crying in other room settle her and either tell MIL you’re popping to park or announce you’re leaving because DD is upsetting dog (you’ve said you
did both)… Everyone is then upset because they know you’re annoyed….

im confused by the events as each post from you contradicts another… BUT

and I can’t state this enough -

YOUR CHILDREN ARE NOT SAFE AROUND THAT DOG!!

Do not ever put yourself or your children in the same building as that dog again!

If you go to SIL’s the dog is crated in another room… if she won’t do that you don’t go there with children!
If you’re meeting at the in laws then you tell in laws you’re not going unless the dog is left at SIL’s house or crated in another room… you shouldn’t have to watch dog like a hawk, and SIL shouldn’t have to be cut up trying to hold it back from the kids… the dog simply needs removing from the scenario!! Not just for
your sake but for the dogs sake… it’s clearly very distressing for the dog to be round your child and will be even worse when there’s a newborn cry hurting it’s senses!!

I think you need to set some boundaries now and use the holiday upset as perfect example. Say to MIL

: I’ve given what happened in wales (or wherever you were) lots of thought and I realise how stressful it was having DD and dog in the same environment. It wasn’t fair on SIL having to hold the dog back like she was but also wasn’t fair on a child being sent to another room away from her family… in order to protect both the dog and our 2 children I have (hopefully you can say we and husband is backing you now!!!) decided that we will not be coming anywhere where the dog is again. At least not until the children are much older! - If at any point MIL tries to interrupt ask her to hear you out … if she says SIL won’t leave dog at home, ask if maybe SIL would consider crating it then taking it out for walks and cuddles in one of the bedrooms..
We took our dogs to my parents one Christmas, my young niece and nephew were there so the dogs were crated in another room and I took them for several walks throughout the day… now I leave them home and just pop home half way through the day and give them a short walk so they can wee/poo…
I can see both sides, but since a
dog can be left at home with a few chews and toys and children can’t, your SIL needs to be the one compromising… or you visit on different days or DH goes alone.
You’re not saying dog can’t go to inlaws, you’re just saying while it’s there your children won’t be… remember to say it’s as much for the dogs benefit as your children’s!
Also as far as the law is concerned if that dog was to bite any of your children, you’d all be liable for neglect charges because you know it’s a dangerous dog to have around them!

Wanted to add my dogs aren’t aggressive at all, and are tiny. (Not staffy sized) and I still don’t bring them round my brothers
young children! Maybe once both are junior aged I will, but I don’t want my dogs licking them while they’re 5 & 7.

This is crazy. They all sound emotionally unstable. Tackinf a toddler to the park is the least controversial thing to do in the world, especially if you needed a breather yourself. I think you did the right thing unless you did some massive flounce out. Even then who cares? My only concern is how desperate you are for your husband's forgiveness. This is strange, you had had enough and made a decision to get away from an intense environment. Why that made your fil cry none of us know but it's irrelevant. Tell your husband that you understand his point of view but you will not be made to feel guilty over a very minor non incident. Moving forward do not engage in any of the drama from your history his family. You will need an internal boundary. You may even need to say to your husband I'm not prepared to get involved in your families drama. Then simply relax and live your life. Ultimately he might not be able to live like that but that's his choice. I guess based on all the tears that he's not adverse to the family pass time of being an amateur dramatic society dedicated to easy Ender's

Stop crying and apologising! What is the matter with you all?!

If someone had told fil it was ok and wasn't his fault dd fell could the whole pathetic saga been avoided?

Going forward, keep dd and the dog seperate. If the dog needs socialising/attention, dd can dance in another room or taken to the park or home. L

... posted too soon. If you are altogether socialising in pil's house then the dog can be crated in another room for periods so you can relax. Are you sure Fil isn't ill? Seems very emotional. Maybe leave holidaying together until dd older.

And tell dh to grow the fuck up

But you yourself said you stormed off. In the title of this post!

You come across as a very unreliable narrator and I wonder what the actual truth of the situation is.

Yes OP wrote "Stormed out of family gathering"