Stormed out of family gathering am I the holiday wrecker

[stormedoutaibu]

DH and I are early 30s, DD is 2, on a family mini break away (staying in separate accommodation to in-laws who are DH parents sister along with naughty dog and aunties)
sister very anxious about dog and DD mixing (bit aggressive and unruly large frenchie about staffie sized so DH and I have to police very carefully) and has cried a few times about it today.
FIL rolled his eyes at me earlier for insisting my DH goes to grab DD beach shoes (I didn’t go as I’m 30’weeks pregnant in a heatwave)
MIL and FIL keep bickering

went to enjoy takeaway a their Airbnb. And my DD was sent away to dance in the lounge several rooms from where the adults were sat ‘to give the dog some peace’ and to ‘go and do it in the lounge cos of the dog’
i thought about it for 5 minutes or so and then left with my daughter as this offended me but I didn’t tell DH where I had gone but told MIL I was at a park within line of sight of the air bnb
they and my husband is acting like I’ve ruined everyone’s holiday and been the 4th reason that FIL has ever cried
all honesty I’ve had enough of the whole thing them bickering and the dog being priority over my toddler

@whynotwhatknot where are you getting the untrained dog from?
The vast majority of dogs would not be happy in a ordinary sized house room with a toddler dancing around.

The way you are relaying all this information is ridiculous OP, why not just say what happened from start to finish?? It's barely comprehensible.

It sounds like someone(who?) decided your "drunk" FIL should take the child into the other room to dance away from the dog, who was getting agitated and clawing your SIL, she then fell over near your FIL, she hurt her face and needed consoling and everyone blamed him, you then got the child, said you'd leave because of the dog, and stormed out to the park, without telling your dh what had happened, he went back in to get the toddler milk to see everyone going crazy, crying and carrying on etc and didn't even know what had happened, he had to be told you had left in a huff and is now annoyed at you for not letting him know what you were doing.

You also said he was taking ages to come with you so you just left, so did he know you were leaving or not? I can understand why your DH is really annoyed at you, I'd be pissed off if my DH got the hump and flounced off with my child to locations unknown, instead of getting me!

sent husband in to grab toddlers milk as not wanting to face in laws given the awful atmosphere all day and the reason I left.

My husband had to go back to get toddlers milk from their fridge and when he walked back in aunties were stressed in the courtyard and SIL crying. Then MIL and FIL crying and arguing upstairs

Gosh you all sound like incredibly hard work. Too many stressed out, emotional immature adults. Poor child and poor dog being around you all. They’ll be neurotic.

I’m sick to death of this too. The family dog always comes before my toddler. I’m fed up with it. I have a wonderful human child being put in second place for a smelly, snappy dog. I love animals but it drives me f…ing nuts. I hate when people put animals before children. It’s batshit.

I think a holiday which involves a 2 year old and a dog known to be aggressive and not great around children was always going to be unenjoyable for all concerned. But how strange to ask their grandchild to essentially go away because of the dog. Your SIL would do my head in as would tearful FIL.

I'm with you on this one, probably should have told your husband you were leaving though as I imagine that felt very awkward for him left with his family whilst MIL told him where you'd gone. I'm not surprised he's not happy about that.

I speak from a position of strength as a mum of two with a lovely SIL who is childless with two barky reactive doggies, which are her “babies”. I am extremely careful to give her dogs ranking with my kids - they get birthday presents, and treats when we visit them, they are mentioned in family Christmas cards. I recognise that for SIL those dogs are her outlet to be a mother, and that’s very important to her. If I treated them as “just dogs” it would be cruel given I know she’d have liked kids.

You are a lovely person, Caramelty!

I don’t like any of this: the dog, the drinking, the crying for no reason and the drama. It doesn’t sound like a good environment for a child or a restful environment for a pregnant woman and I would avoid holidaying with them again.

Agreed. My dogs are very well trained. They would be….perturbed by a small human flailing around though, 2 year olds are utterly manic and not everyone is entertained by Peppa Pig!
That said, I could absolutely keep them in “stay” and then remove them.

You did absolutely the right thing op. I would’ve done the same. Your lovely dd banished because of some bloody dog. This is thicko parents pandering to their daughter and your dumb DH falling in line with well established family dynamics.

They’ve all lost perspective.

But good for you, op. The only sane one of the group. Advocate for your dd and don’t put up with insulting shit. Now or ever. Yanbu.

@Screamingabdabz So you think someone is thick if they do not let a child do whatever they want around a dog?

Omg!

Sounds like the drama filled family parties that I endured all my life until I went NC years ago.

Narcissistic mother and (probably) ADHD father was not a good mix.

Beat thing I ever did was go NC. Saved all that confusion and distress for my own DC.

YANBU
You did the right thing OP.

Seriously consider going NC like I have, that's my advice.

for some reason people always argue on holiday whether it’s friends together or family

This is why my husband and I never holidayed with family or freinds!! It is a recipie for disaster. Tell your husband to 'have your back in future' and make it clear you will not be having any more holidays with them again.

Yes.
Especially when it's family.

Fgs, can't people put their grandkids/ nieces and nephews before a dog?
It's so annoying...

why does it have to be a competition?

Just leave early. Sounds excruciating

They made it a competion, they turfed the grandchild out and kept the dog in.

Who does that?

you’re about to have another baby, and then this sort of holiday will be really tricky. So hopefully it’ll be the last one. Doesn’t mean you don’t all love each other, just means you don’t holiday well together. And that’s fine! You just have little hols with your own family for the next few years.

And I think tbh that some grandparents like the idea of going away with their small grandkids but don’t get how much work it’ll be. You can’t really want to go on holiday with a toddler and then expect them not to do things like fall over, dance to peppa etc. (people saying they don’t want a toddler dancing near them on holiday… ok fine. Don’t go on holiday with one then. It’s her holiday too. They don’t all sit there doing crayons like angels while the adults drink.)

you don’t have to all fall out over this. Speak honestly and gently to each other. You can say it was a hard time but you’re glad you gave it a whirl. Just a bit too overwhelming for everyone at this stage.

The in laws are thickos for just pandering to the dog-mum dd instead of the real mum dil.

No. The dog is removed, should not be brought into a room with a child. It's not about the bloody dog's wellbeing, innocent or not, it's the child's. A dog like that is a risk and should not be on a family holiday; or at least kept away from any children all the time. No compomise, children FIRST.

I can relate to this. My mum has a beagle dog, and through spoiling her and a lack of proper training has resulted in a God awful nasty little devil dog that basically runs the whole house. She has several young grandchildren who visit often including my 2 sons, if the dog chews one of the kids toys its the kids fault for leaving it there. If the dog snatches food from their hands its the kids fault for having food near the dog, the bastard thing went to grab food from my 9 month old nephew a few months ago while he was sat in his pram and when my mom put her hand out to stop her she went for her and took a chunk out her hand, when my brother intervened she attacked him too. Rather than invest in training or take it seriously they promised to crate her when there is food around. That lasted a week. I have not set foot in that house since.
They always prioritise the dog over the kids and thats how the dog has turned out. Meanwhile I have an 8year old XL bully who is well trained, and soft as a bag of kittens, he has never snarled, bitten, or snatched from anyone let alone a child. And they say they dont like visiting us because our dog scares them 😂😂😂

Sounds like your in laws wanted a break from having to constantly supervise the interaction between your DD and the dog, they were putting their own needs ahead of your daughters.

I would take this as a reminder to keep them at arms length and NEVER agree to holiday with them again.

I think your DH inherited the flair for drama and emotional manipulation from his family.

stay firm.
i would read him a riot act for not consoling 30 weeks pregnant YOU when you cried

Keep your mouth shut. Swallow hard. Smile nicely and be apologetic. And NEVER go on holiday with them again.

@properjob Only the most docile dog is okay with a toddler dancing around in an ordinary sized living room. Its not a dog like that, it is almost any dog. It is frightening for most dogs.

You can remove the dog or remove the toddler. But its not acceptable to expect a dog to be in the same living room as a dancing toddler.

@Neverlookback32 A dog that snatches food like that is dangerous.