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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Stormed out of family gathering am I the holiday wrecker

372 replies

stormedoutaibu · 13/07/2025 00:24

DH and I are early 30s, DD is 2, on a family mini break away (staying in separate accommodation to in-laws who are DH parents sister along with naughty dog and aunties)
sister very anxious about dog and DD mixing (bit aggressive and unruly large frenchie about staffie sized so DH and I have to police very carefully) and has cried a few times about it today.
FIL rolled his eyes at me earlier for insisting my DH goes to grab DD beach shoes (I didn’t go as I’m 30’weeks pregnant in a heatwave)
MIL and FIL keep bickering

went to enjoy takeaway a their Airbnb. And my DD was sent away to dance in the lounge several rooms from where the adults were sat ‘to give the dog some peace’ and to ‘go and do it in the lounge cos of the dog’
i thought about it for 5 minutes or so and then left with my daughter as this offended me but I didn’t tell DH where I had gone but told MIL I was at a park within line of sight of the air bnb
they and my husband is acting like I’ve ruined everyone’s holiday and been the 4th reason that FIL has ever cried
all honesty I’ve had enough of the whole thing them bickering and the dog being priority over my toddler

OP posts:
WilfredsPies · 13/07/2025 00:57

I think your DD sounds the most adult out of you all. This thing with your FiL crying is absolutely pathetic. What’s going on with his hormones if this is enough to bring him to tears? And the sister crying too? They both need to see their GP. And if you told your MiL that you were taking DD to the park and she didn’t have a melt down at the time, then what’s the issue now?

You think your DD comes before the dog and they think the dog comes before your DD. This isn’t a new thing, is it? Why would you go anywhere with them?
And why aren’t you telling your husband that he and his family are being utterly ridiculous if they think you taking your DD to the nearest park has ruined their holiday, and they all need to grow the fuck up. Ask him where their emotional resilience is because their toddler like behaviour is ruining your trip. And then never go away with them ever again.

BedtimeWorries889 · 13/07/2025 02:02

Holidaying with family is hard. A toddler, an unruly dog, a pregnant mum, bickering grandparents, emotional auntie....

You haven't ruined anything, they sound annoying as hell, but you should probably lower your expectations. Have some days out with DH and DD alone, get some distance so you can survive this.

This is not a holiday. It's my idea of hell.

nomas · 13/07/2025 02:19

Tell them they need to take the dog out because you won’t be taking dd.

And make this the last holiday with them ever.

JustSawJohnny · 13/07/2025 02:52

FIL cried because you took DD to the park?

Charliecatpaws · 13/07/2025 03:19

Who are the 25% who think you are being unreasonable? Your Dd is far more important than a bloody dog. Your in-laws are bat shit

Original poster
stormedoutaibu · 13/07/2025 03:26

Issue was I didn’t tell my husband directly I was leaving I told MIL so he had to ‘search for me’ as she didn’t relay this info to DH straight

sadly my husband seems to be feeling wounded and in the middle and is upset with me and they are backtracking saying I got the wrong end of the stick and sent her to play in another room cos of space, which is absolutely not true as there was enough space for a less than 1 metre child to dance unless they thought she would be doing the entire flash dance accross the place

I think me leaving has ended up being the straw that broke the camels back for a lot of their issues but I am being blamed now :( by DH

OP posts:
Original poster
stormedoutaibu · 13/07/2025 03:27

SIL very sensitive about dog as dog is her baby due to not meeting anyone and having her own children yet; for the this she has my sympathy but I can’t have my actual child be herded around to appease a dog

OP posts:
GizzyDillespie · 13/07/2025 03:28

This is why I like to go 9n holiday on my own.

Original poster
stormedoutaibu · 13/07/2025 03:31

GizzyDillespie · 13/07/2025 03:28

This is why I like to go 9n holiday on my own.

This is me and I have declined to go with them before but I thought I would give it a chance
had a really bad time recently too tbh and needed to rest so I’m annoyed at myself for going as me DH and DD could have gone on our own
but it means the world to him to be here with his family and so I do it for him

OP posts:
Qoopwhooping · 13/07/2025 03:34

That dog sounds like a fucking nightmare and I love dogs.

What a shit show for you. You’ll be tired and hot and bothered and no one seems to care. You need to take away from this, never to go on holiday ever again, with the in-laws. They are a bunch of idiots.

CarlaLemarchant · 13/07/2025 03:36

I can’t understand at what point your FIL started crying and why. When did you storm out? Your OP makes it sound like your leaving was all very calm and civil but would your FIL version of events be?

Original poster
stormedoutaibu · 13/07/2025 03:36

WilfredsPies · 13/07/2025 00:57

I think your DD sounds the most adult out of you all. This thing with your FiL crying is absolutely pathetic. What’s going on with his hormones if this is enough to bring him to tears? And the sister crying too? They both need to see their GP. And if you told your MiL that you were taking DD to the park and she didn’t have a melt down at the time, then what’s the issue now?

You think your DD comes before the dog and they think the dog comes before your DD. This isn’t a new thing, is it? Why would you go anywhere with them?
And why aren’t you telling your husband that he and his family are being utterly ridiculous if they think you taking your DD to the nearest park has ruined their holiday, and they all need to grow the fuck up. Ask him where their emotional resilience is because their toddler like behaviour is ruining your trip. And then never go away with them ever again.

Thank you for being supportive here and it really is all a bit ridiculous but I have been made to feel like I am the issue and the drama queen here

OP posts:
Original poster
stormedoutaibu · 13/07/2025 03:39

CarlaLemarchant · 13/07/2025 03:36

I can’t understand at what point your FIL started crying and why. When did you storm out? Your OP makes it sound like your leaving was all very calm and civil but would your FIL version of events be?

My toddler fell next to him and she cried so he was blaming himself and they were blaming him for letting her fall and they thought that was the issue I left

My husband had to go back to get toddlers milk from their fridge and when he walked back in aunties were stressed in the courtyard and SIL crying. Then MIL and FIL crying and arguing upstairs

OP posts:
CarlaLemarchant · 13/07/2025 03:42

stormedoutaibu · 13/07/2025 03:39

My toddler fell next to him and she cried so he was blaming himself and they were blaming him for letting her fall and they thought that was the issue I left

My husband had to go back to get toddlers milk from their fridge and when he walked back in aunties were stressed in the courtyard and SIL crying. Then MIL and FIL crying and arguing upstairs

Show quote history

Sounds horrific. Were they all pissed by any chance?

Original poster
stormedoutaibu · 13/07/2025 03:45

CarlaLemarchant · 13/07/2025 03:42

Sounds horrific. Were they all pissed by any chance?

Show quote history

Aside from SIL not fully drunk but really on their way

OP posts:
HeyWiggle · 13/07/2025 03:47

a small child dancing around makes me feel dizzy and a bit overwhelmed. It’s not personal, it’s just too much activity when I’m sat quietly trying to relax. Can’t see the issue with being asked to dance in another room. I hope you didn’t leave in a strop.

However complete over reaction from your DH! He’s being very dramatic about you nipping off to the park.

Caramelty · 13/07/2025 03:47

Of COURSE your dh is stuck in the middle - he is the one who is supposed to be brokering a good holiday between his family and you. You need to be calm and rational and give him a chance to gently sort it all out.

We can’t really know without hearing the ILs side of the story. It sounds like your FIL thinks you’re a drama queen, and your mil is a bit of a stirrer. Poor SIL sounds like she has some issues to sort out and perhaps she hadn’t thought through what going on holiday with her brother’s family would be like.

Maybe SIL is crying because you are making something of a drama out of your pregnancy and the treatment of your toddler. Whilst she is stuck childless, with a dog that can’t be around kids.

I speak from a position of strength as a mum of two with a lovely SIL who is childless with two barky reactive doggies, which are her “babies”. I am extremely careful to give her dogs ranking with my kids - they get birthday presents, and treats when we visit them, they are mentioned in family Christmas cards. I recognise that for SIL those dogs are her outlet to be a mother, and that’s very important to her. If I treated them as “just dogs” it would be cruel given I know she’d have liked kids.

HeyWiggle · 13/07/2025 03:50

Sounds a stressful holiday. Just happily tell them you’re popping to the park for a few hours or to the beach and have some 1:1 quality time away from the chaos. The more space you have the better you’ll manage the bickering

Mumtobabyhavoc · 13/07/2025 03:51

stormedoutaibu · 13/07/2025 03:26

Issue was I didn’t tell my husband directly I was leaving I told MIL so he had to ‘search for me’ as she didn’t relay this info to DH straight

sadly my husband seems to be feeling wounded and in the middle and is upset with me and they are backtracking saying I got the wrong end of the stick and sent her to play in another room cos of space, which is absolutely not true as there was enough space for a less than 1 metre child to dance unless they thought she would be doing the entire flash dance accross the place

I think me leaving has ended up being the straw that broke the camels back for a lot of their issues but I am being blamed now :( by DH

It's a good time to lay it all out. I'd seize the opportunity.

Original poster
stormedoutaibu · 13/07/2025 03:53

HeyWiggle · 13/07/2025 03:47

a small child dancing around makes me feel dizzy and a bit overwhelmed. It’s not personal, it’s just too much activity when I’m sat quietly trying to relax. Can’t see the issue with being asked to dance in another room. I hope you didn’t leave in a strop.

However complete over reaction from your DH! He’s being very dramatic about you nipping off to the park.

They have made comments they don’t see enough of DD. We were about 30 mins from leaving anyway and literally she is the cutest thing in the world dancing to a peppa pig song (she also loves any music tbh) but that’s just me

OP posts:
Caramelty · 13/07/2025 03:56

So your dd fell over; cried. You swept in to comfort dc and (inadvertently made granddad feel bad.

Dh went to get milk presumably to help settle the crying child, which took how long - a few minutes?

And in that short space of time you stormed out of the house with a crying child without even waiting for dh and saying, “you know what dh, dc is getting cabin fever I’m going to head over to the park for a while - do you think anyone else would fancy a walk too?”

Given you are suffering so much with your pregnancy and the heat that you’re not able to fetch a pair of shoes or a bottle of milk… no wonder dh thought you were reacting to the situation. I am also surprised now to discover that you left because your dd was prevented from dancing near the dog/adults.

Is there a chance you are being a bit of a mumzilla?

Original poster
stormedoutaibu · 13/07/2025 03:58

Caramelty · 13/07/2025 03:47

Of COURSE your dh is stuck in the middle - he is the one who is supposed to be brokering a good holiday between his family and you. You need to be calm and rational and give him a chance to gently sort it all out.

We can’t really know without hearing the ILs side of the story. It sounds like your FIL thinks you’re a drama queen, and your mil is a bit of a stirrer. Poor SIL sounds like she has some issues to sort out and perhaps she hadn’t thought through what going on holiday with her brother’s family would be like.

Maybe SIL is crying because you are making something of a drama out of your pregnancy and the treatment of your toddler. Whilst she is stuck childless, with a dog that can’t be around kids.

I speak from a position of strength as a mum of two with a lovely SIL who is childless with two barky reactive doggies, which are her “babies”. I am extremely careful to give her dogs ranking with my kids - they get birthday presents, and treats when we visit them, they are mentioned in family Christmas cards. I recognise that for SIL those dogs are her outlet to be a mother, and that’s very important to her. If I treated them as “just dogs” it would be cruel given I know she’d have liked kids.

SIL is only 30 so has plenty of time to meet someone and start this process of her own family but I understand in the meantime she is worried she won’t.

I always give lots of fuss to her dog.

no amount of apology has made my husband come around to me at all sadly he is really annoyed and upset with me as he is blaming me for the shock of seeing his father cry which he has only ever seen when grandparents died etc etc

wouldn’t comfort me when I (after hearing I’m being seen as the bad person here) burst into tears myself

OP posts:
Caramelty · 13/07/2025 04:02

Also - if your child had already fallen over once, it sounds like it may be true that this wasn’t a safe or sensible space for your dd to be twirling and jigging.

And if someone played the peppa pig song right after my dinner I would also be thinking “ohhhhh god noooooo not more of this”. My in-laws dote on my dc. There is absolutely zero chance that they would tolerate dc dancing next to the dining area or where we were having a quiet after-dinner drink. I can hear mil in my head now “if you’re going to be bopping around you’ll do it somewhere else please!” She wouldn’t mean it unkindly but she has a thing about learning to behave nicely in company (which is actually really good practice for when you want to take them to a restaurant and not have them running all over the place!)

Original poster
stormedoutaibu · 13/07/2025 04:04

Caramelty · 13/07/2025 03:56

So your dd fell over; cried. You swept in to comfort dc and (inadvertently made granddad feel bad.

Dh went to get milk presumably to help settle the crying child, which took how long - a few minutes?

And in that short space of time you stormed out of the house with a crying child without even waiting for dh and saying, “you know what dh, dc is getting cabin fever I’m going to head over to the park for a while - do you think anyone else would fancy a walk too?”

Given you are suffering so much with your pregnancy and the heat that you’re not able to fetch a pair of shoes or a bottle of milk… no wonder dh thought you were reacting to the situation. I am also surprised now to discover that you left because your dd was prevented from dancing near the dog/adults.

Is there a chance you are being a bit of a mumzilla?

thank you for playing devils advocate here but sorry you have got the wrong end of the stick here comforted her as she had whacked her cheek on a wooden chair

DH was in the courtyard with the grownups when this happened he didn’t go to get milk
she had calmed down before I left, my parting words to them were ‘clearly DD is bothering dog I’m going now’ (obviously a lot friendlier) DH didn’t hear what I’d said

not able to fetch shoes as it was a 20 minute walk up very steep hill to the place we are staying and too much in the heat for me when in 3rd trimester

sent husband in to grab toddlers milk as not wanting to face in laws given the awful atmosphere all day and the reason I left

im a pretty laid back DIL and mum, I let them give her sugar, play a bit rough with her and until recently let SIL plaster my toddler all over her TikTok (I’ve had to stop this now)

OP posts:
Original poster
stormedoutaibu · 13/07/2025 04:08

Caramelty · 13/07/2025 04:02

Also - if your child had already fallen over once, it sounds like it may be true that this wasn’t a safe or sensible space for your dd to be twirling and jigging.

And if someone played the peppa pig song right after my dinner I would also be thinking “ohhhhh god noooooo not more of this”. My in-laws dote on my dc. There is absolutely zero chance that they would tolerate dc dancing next to the dining area or where we were having a quiet after-dinner drink. I can hear mil in my head now “if you’re going to be bopping around you’ll do it somewhere else please!” She wouldn’t mean it unkindly but she has a thing about learning to behave nicely in company (which is actually really good practice for when you want to take them to a restaurant and not have them running all over the place!)

The child fell over in the lounge once she had been sent away

my child at 2.5 eats with cutlery stays at the table the whole time and eats any adult food she is given, her table manners are pretty awesome for a child of her age along with her social skills
I don’t think 5-10 mins of her dancing to some music and enjoying the company and attention of the adults is such a biggie IMO

OP posts: