Stormed out of family gathering am I the holiday wrecker

[stormedoutaibu]

DH and I are early 30s, DD is 2, on a family mini break away (staying in separate accommodation to in-laws who are DH parents sister along with naughty dog and aunties)
sister very anxious about dog and DD mixing (bit aggressive and unruly large frenchie about staffie sized so DH and I have to police very carefully) and has cried a few times about it today.
FIL rolled his eyes at me earlier for insisting my DH goes to grab DD beach shoes (I didn’t go as I’m 30’weeks pregnant in a heatwave)
MIL and FIL keep bickering

went to enjoy takeaway a their Airbnb. And my DD was sent away to dance in the lounge several rooms from where the adults were sat ‘to give the dog some peace’ and to ‘go and do it in the lounge cos of the dog’
i thought about it for 5 minutes or so and then left with my daughter as this offended me but I didn’t tell DH where I had gone but told MIL I was at a park within line of sight of the air bnb
they and my husband is acting like I’ve ruined everyone’s holiday and been the 4th reason that FIL has ever cried
all honesty I’ve had enough of the whole thing them bickering and the dog being priority over my toddler

I see, that makes more sense and I’m no longer trying to turn you into the villain in my head; god op it sounds like this holiday was a horrible mistake.

and yes your dh is being unreasonable

I suggest let the dust settle and tomorrow tell dh you don’t want the holiday to be ruined, can he ask everyone to put yesterday behind them as if all got a bit alcohol-sodden and overly emotional, and try to have a calm and uneventful day?

I hope you can get some rest and respite from the heat without them thinking you are shunning them/ being a moody cow.

Tomorrow we are going home they wanted to meet us again but I need a day away from them all which I had already decided by lunchtime today and started to tell the more diplomatic aunties then to let them down gently

Tomorrow is luckily the last day but for me it’s how I move forward sadly

You were wrong - and childish - to leave without telling people.

In the end, there is your version of events and their version of events. If your behaviour was enough to make a grown man cry then is there something you’re not telling us? None of the events you’ve described sound that bad. It does suggest that you were harder work and over the holiday than you’re letting on here.

But saying that, I have very little patience with Other People’s Dogs so I sympathise on that matter.

Going on holiday with other people is always about patience and compromise and this heat was never going to help the frayed nerves.

In your shoes, I would probably apologise for not telling people you had left and do my best to smooth things over and restore the peace. But I like an easy life. But I do appreciate that the standard Mumsnet party line is to kick off and demand that your DH goes NC and cuts off his family.

Even from the first post, I did find it very odd you didn’t tell your husband directly that you were taking your child to the park. Even sending him a text would have worked.

dogs and toddlers don’t mix. Your SIL is right to be nervous. You should be as well.

I really can’t tell what was going on with the child moving to another room. Did they want the child to be unsupervised in a random, non childproofed Airbnb? That seems bizarre.

Never go on holiday with extended family. Stick to you, DH and DC. It is so much easier and rewarding.

I’d rather never have a holiday if the alternative was one with extended family.

No they all knew we were leaving the issue is mt husband didn’t know we had left he was taking ages to come with me and I had to get away as tbh after my daughter being sent away I was offended

as for the hard work comment it’s been me comforting SIL when she has cried/ sticking up for her and making her feel better

aside from that I have kept out of their bickering and I haven’t insisted on anything tbh I have overlooked a lot of bad behaviour including FIL rolling his eyes at me for minor issue that has nothing to do with him and was a conversation between DH and I

I do want to restore the peace and in time it will be fine but I badly want my husbands forgiveness/understanding and way he has reacted as if I’m the bad person here and I genuinely don’t think it’s me that’s the problem

Husband had my bag in which was my phone as he insisted I can’t carry anything. He was miles away back in the house chatting so I told MIL where I was going only 20 metres or so to a lovely small little local park

yes I’m very cautious over the dog

no they wanted DD to go wirh drunk grandad away from my line of vision so as not to bother the frenchie by her dancing which would have been other side of the courtyard so a good 3-4 metres away from said dog who was on a lead with owner (SIL)

but it means the world to him to be here with his family and so I do it for him

That’s an admirable attitude OP, if you can be consistent with it.
But you didn’t really demonstrate your understanding of him being stuck in the middle when you told them (not him) that DD was clearly upsetting the dog so you were going to the park. I think you went off in a huff after delivering that passive aggressive remark but aren’t prepared to admit that bit.

Everybody needs to get their feelings out in the open in a calm and positive sort of way before things deteriorate further. Maybe in the morning.

In this seemingly chaotic situation, my feelings would be:-
I would like my husband to agree with me that our DD should stay with her family in the same room as them and it should be the dog, not her, given peace and quiet in the other room.
I would like my husband to agree with me that all family members who cried were over-reacting and a bit daft, probably due to alcohol.
I would like my husband to agree with me that we should have some holiday days doing our own thing just the three of us to give everybody space from dancing dear daughter duties and to give us space from dear dog and over emotional, bickering, tipsy in-laws

Lastly, I would acknowledge that I could have waited a few minutes for DH to come back before calmly deciding together, to go for a walk to the park with DD in order to relieve the mounting emotional tension and avoid tears before bed time.

I think it will all be better in the morning anyway OP. They will have sobered up.

Sounds like they’re not too fussed about seeing their granddaughter/niece and would rather prioritise an ill-trained dog. Their priority should be training the dog so that perhaps in future these trips can happen. Until then, I’d refuse to do any more of them. The in-laws sound a bloody nightmare. I’d also be less than impressed if me and toddler were sent several rooms away because of a dog. Although it doesn’t sound as though the dog is particularly safe for toddler to be around anyway.

This sounds all a bit Sharon and the wasp. Have you been on the sherry? 😂

No they have though
Im pregnant

I'm sure that there's a lot more to it, but asking a toddler to pop into a different room to have a dance feels like such a non event for the extent it bothered you. Presumably she'd had lots of love and attention during the holiday. If she'd been ignored the whole time and this was the final straw I get it, but it sounds like this whole thing has been blown out of proportion.

I would be telling dh to not be so ridiculous though. Telling you off like a child for popping to a park is unacceptable. It wasn't like you drove off drunk.

Pop the peppa music on and have a bop with dd. Let them all sober up and forget about it.

It is just you.

Look, a toddler can be the cutest thing you have ever seen, and you love them to bits, but when they are dancing in your space after an exhausting weekend with family, it's just way too much.

Your dd is more important than a bloody dog. Eff the lot of them. You’re spot on.

They wanted your DD away from the Dog to give it a break.

You did that.

whats wrong with what you did that made FIL cry

Dogs are not babies. Repeat ad Infinitum.
anyone who thinks they are is mentally disturbed.

I think the dog is a bit of a red herring.

SIL is stressed and miserable; is your pregnancy a bit triggering for her?

PIL are stressed and fighting.

Everyone's overtired.

I suspect the dog was a bit of an excuse to move your toddler away.

It sounds like a trip to the park was the sensible thing to do, though.

The mystery for me in this is the “frenchie the size of a Staffie”. If it’s unruly then I wouldn’t my small child dancing round near it, and I can see why it might need a break. And I really don’t see why the dog shouldn’t SOMETIMES be the priority.And, to be fair, why the adults shouldn’t SOMETIMES have a break from Peppa Pig!!

Of course your daughter comes first but the statement that she go to the other room to 'give the dog a break' makes me wonder if she'd been pestering the dog a lot? If so, you're unreasonable for allowing her to do that. Otherwise, if the dog needed a break, then the dog could have gone to the other room.

I think everyone over-reacted here.

Holidaying with family can be trying. I try to avoid it but refuse to get involved with any drama if it happens. Like my mother bursting into tears and storming off because she doesn't like my pov on something minor. I just let her go and ignore it.

It's also not reasonable to expect everyone to find your DD dancing as adorable as you do. As an aunt I'll smile and watch and say nice things for a few minutes, then it's not interesting anymore.

The park was 20 metres away? That's within talking distance. They were 3-4 metres away in the courtyard, that's less than my living room and I live in a very small
house....

Your husband sounds a complete drama llama! “The fourth time he has seen his father cry” sounds like something a teenager would say. Who on earth is keeping count of the man’s crying episodes?! What about him crying has shocked him to the core?! Sounds like grandad was pissed and being absolutely pathetic to be reduced to tears by normal family life. I wouldn’t be apologising, you’ve done nothing wrong and continuing to grovel makes it sound like you’ve done something awful rather than just remove yourself from a ridiculous situation. Go home, don’t go on holiday with them again and tell your husband he’s being a plonker!

They sound unhinged, pissed and unhinged. You and your DD sound great, you must be exhausted 30 weeks pregnant and spending time with a bunch of idiots, you deserve a medal.

I agree. Your in-laws need to go and see a GP.

Around the time my grandfather was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s he would randomly start crying. Anything could set him off. We all ignored it. It wasn’t even a question of entertaining it.

Your father in law is either manipulative or there is something wrong with him medically.

This is not a holiday for you. You’re pregnant in a heatwave. You should be sitting uber the aircon somewhere and not worrying about a dog.

Why are you playing peppa pig and letting your dd dance when people are trying to enjoy a meal?