Stormed out of family gathering am I the holiday wrecker

[stormedoutaibu]

DH and I are early 30s, DD is 2, on a family mini break away (staying in separate accommodation to in-laws who are DH parents sister along with naughty dog and aunties)
sister very anxious about dog and DD mixing (bit aggressive and unruly large frenchie about staffie sized so DH and I have to police very carefully) and has cried a few times about it today.
FIL rolled his eyes at me earlier for insisting my DH goes to grab DD beach shoes (I didn’t go as I’m 30’weeks pregnant in a heatwave)
MIL and FIL keep bickering

went to enjoy takeaway a their Airbnb. And my DD was sent away to dance in the lounge several rooms from where the adults were sat ‘to give the dog some peace’ and to ‘go and do it in the lounge cos of the dog’
i thought about it for 5 minutes or so and then left with my daughter as this offended me but I didn’t tell DH where I had gone but told MIL I was at a park within line of sight of the air bnb
they and my husband is acting like I’ve ruined everyone’s holiday and been the 4th reason that FIL has ever cried
all honesty I’ve had enough of the whole thing them bickering and the dog being priority over my toddler

Because everything is OPs perception. I’m sure the other adults would tell a different story.

@TheRedGoose The comments which suggested essentially that the dog is SILs “child” so OP needs to tread carefully by implying her daughter’s wellbeing and participation should be prioritised.

IMO in this situation the child should have been prioritised for attending the holiday and the dog should have been left in boarding if children make him anxious. It’s mad to take a toddler and an anxious dog away together to stay in the same accommodation for an extended period.

So is he still mad at you or have you worked out?

1. Train the dog properly FFS.

Where I live there are too many people that have no recall ability over their dogs and the dog is a PITA when it goes charging up to other people and the owner is stood there trying and failing to call them back in a pathetic whiny voice.

It’s not reasonable to expect the toddler to “behave” around the dog anymore than it is to expect an anxious dog to “behave” around a toddler that is behaving as toddlers naturally do. I’ve had both an anxious dog and a 2 year old (not at the same time) and can tell you they really wouldn’t have been able to co-exist. Eventually the dog will pass away or child will grow to an age where they can understand how to behave around the dog but in the meanwhile taking them both on holiday in one accommodation is not realistic.

Absolutely agree, can't believe the level of spite and nastiness directed at a toddler for liking peppa pig and dancing, and her dm for thinking she was cute!

That in a joint rental for holiday that the sil and her dog were the priority and it's the 2 yo who should leave the shared living space?!

Okay I never had an issue. You pre-empt situations. Which was happening when grandad went with toddler to dance in another room.

@asrl78 I did train my dear old departed dog. It did not stop young kids running up to him in public and throwing their arms about his neck and snuggling into his face. I would just roar leave the dog alone. And the parents thought I was horrible.
My dog was very docile. But if a child hurt him by accident, I could not guarantee he would not react.

Don't worry. I suspect OP and her DD will never be invited on another family holiday.

Why on earth would she want to be?!

Agree definitely about pre-empting — I just think given the age of the child it’s not realistic to think every situation can be managed when both child and dog are sharing accommodation and the dog is off lead in the house with the child. It’s asking for an accident.

I mean this sincerely. Anyone who puts an animal above a child is not someone you want to associate yourself with. I'd have nothing more to do with anyone who did that let alone her supposed grandparents. Your fil needs to get a grip of himself.

It all sounds a bit ridiculous tbh

@WorkItUpYourBangle Managing a situation so a dog does not get upset, is putting both the child and dog equally first.

@PretendToBeToastWithMe No one holds onto a lead properly all the time in a house 24/7. I think a lead CAN be more dangerous in this circumstance as it gives people false confidence that nothing can go wrong.

I love my parents. I love my in laws. We spend a fair amount of time together. We have never gone on holiday together because I want to continue loving them and spending time with them. All this nonsense seems to happen whenever families go away together. Who needs the drama?

all relative isn’t it? I don’t care for holiday drama nor am voting on the original post but the Toddler is important to her parents (as it should be) and the unruly spoilt dog is important to in laws. (Their prerogative)

I thought I read that they were in separate accommodation? People keep implying tempers are frayed because everyone is in the same house.

Yes, I agree which is why I think it’s not realistic for an anxious dog and a 2 year old to share holiday accommodation. One or the other needed to be left home. Obviously the dog (IMO).

Why does the child have to be the one to move and not the dog?

Sorry but you are a drama queen and so are the rest of them.

A relative saying, DD can you do your dancing in the other room? is really not a big deal. At all. Certainly not worth huffing off over. & toddlers do bother dogs. It isn’t “prioritising the dog” to ask that the toddler gives the dog peace.

& everyone else was also ridiculous for crying about all the other crap they were crying about. What a huge fuss over absolutely nothing.

I think you're all being dramatic.

I think your inlaws are drinking to much and have issues.

I think your being ridiculous. You got offended because your daughter was asked to dance in a different room for the dog. You perceived that the prioritised the dog over your child. FFS. Your kid shouldn't be disturbing the animal and was probably safer away from the dog.

I think holidaying together sounds like a shit show. You are all dramatic arseholes. You H needs to catch a fucking grip as well. You went to the park not Mongolia and you told someone you were going.

Everyone needs some space, less booze and more meditation.

Why does the dog have to be the one to move and not the child? Why does it matter? Presumably she’d have more space to dance in the other room. Life is going to be so long and hard for someone who sees something like this as a huge slight. It’s a suggestion that keeps everyone safe and happy.

I assumed the child moved because the sister who has the dog was still eating. The child was not.

Maybe not. But an anxious dog can probably not be left in kennels. So either the sister with dog, or OP with her DD stays at home.

Most dogs could be left with a home boarder but yes I agree it’s very difficult to have an anxious dog (as someone who had one!)

they sound like pathetic drunks-and an untrained dog on top of that-not good your dh hasnt got your back

you wont be seeing them alot with a new baby i gather