For refusing to let my 5 year old call my new boyfriend “Dad” after he suggested it?

[Analgesio]

Bit of a weird one maybe. Basically I’ve been seeing my bf for about 6 months, things have been going alright and he’s started spending more time at mine, staying over now and then etc. My DC (5) gets on with him but obvs still getting used to everything, which is fine and expected.

Anyway the other day bf said to me, completely out of the blue, that he thinks it would be “better for stability” if DC started calling him Dad. I just sort of blinked at him like what?? Told him absolutely not, way too soon and felt a bit ick tbh. My child has a dad (not hugely involved but still in the picture) and even if he wasn’t I still think it’s a bit much after 6 months.

Bf seemed a bit hurt by it which confused me tbh. Said he just wants to feel like he’s “part of the family” and that DC already acts like he’s the dad anyway. I don’t really agree with that at all, he’s friendly and helpful but we’re still in early days territory and I’m not comfortable with putting labels on things like that esp when DC is so young and impressionable.

Now I’m wondering if I was a bit harsh or if I should’ve handled it differently? But honestly it felt like a big red flag to me. I mentioned it to a mate and she reckons I should be flattered he wants to step up, which just made me question myself more.

AIBU to have said no or should I have been more open to it?

Red flag if you ask me

Well obviously not he has a Dad he doesn't need another one.

I wouldn’t be happy about that at all, way too soon.

No you weren't too harsh that's a total red flag. Seems he's far too keen to get his feet under the table.

This.

That is really weird op. I think I wouldn’t be able to come back from that personally

I can’t believe you’ve introduced him to your kid so soon. 6months is nothing.

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

You are not unreasonable. You might think of an alternative like Pop or something fun and better than that, but it’s too early days yet. You have no idea where this relationship is going to go, yet.

Is he trying to point score over your son’s real dad?

Could this be a bit of “love bombing?” Take care of your boundaries now and always. 🚩🚩🚩

40 years after he met my mum, my step-dad is still Dave!

6 months in is crazy. If you're together a long time, get married, have another child or whatever then maybe.
But a boyfriend of 6 months standing? No bloody way.

She shouldn't even be thinking o an alternative, he's not his Dad he never will be just call him by his name.

Big red flag. Huge.
Keep your wits about you with this one, he's getting far too comfortable. Are there other ways he's started trying to dominate?

Run. Flee. Do not look back. This dude is displaying narcissistic tendencies (so marvellous he deserves to be called Dad - erm fuck no!!!).

Heed the large flags a waving.

You said ‘things are going alright’ with him (in other words not great/luke warm). I don’t think you’re that into him and this serves as a final reason not to continue the relationship. Your son does not need to be calling your boyfriend of 6 months Dad, especially when he has a real Dad!

This is absolutely a dumpable offence. I couldn't continue with someone who was so woefully misinformed about his role in my child's life.

6 months in is very early to be meeting your child anyway, and wanting to be called Dad? 😮

🚩!

Absolutely not. I've been stepmum to two sets of children, and son has had 2 stepdads (as in long term living together relationships that sadly did not work out) and the kids have kept to first names. He's not his dad, trying to pretend that or asking him to use that name would be very confusing or even upsetting for your son.

The only time I've known a stepparent take on the parent title is when they've come in at baby or toddler stage, the actual parent has no involvement, and they do genuinely become that child's 100% parent.

V odd of him. Be careful with this one.

Hell no. It was very wrong of him to suggest it. Big red flag.

No it's not a reasonable request from your new boyfriend. 1. You've been with the fella 6 months so relationship is still very new and 2. He's not the kids Dad, kid already has a Dad. I'd get it if you'd been with the guy quite a few years and Dad was nowhere to be seen at all and he was going to be adopting your son then maybe if that is what your son wanted.

Be careful about letting this man spend more time with your child.

It sounds like he's trying to control you and your DS and this may well just be the start.

This is a huge red flag and I'd be rethinking this relationship if I were you. He sounds manipulative and it doesn't bode well.

Your friend needs to raise her bar of acceptable behaviour around children.

Huge, huge, red flag. I would examine the rest of his behaviour too, because I wouldn’t be surprised if there are other red flags that you might not have noticed. Frankly, I think you introduced them too early, and after that comment, I’d break up with him anyway.

Why has he been sleeping over with your 5yo after such a short period of time?

This is absolutely creepy.

My name for him would be my ex boyfriend! Dump.

Agreeing with everyone else:

• 6 months is very early for even having met your DC, never mind regularly staying over
• its far too soon for DC to even be having some kind of nickname for him
• the fact that your boyfriend suggested this, not your DC, suggests he’s either incredibly naive/immature or is already trying to manipulate/control and get his feet under the table

basically, chuck this one back, and next time, leave it a good while longer before introducing to DC.