For refusing to let my 5 year old call my new boyfriend “Dad” after he suggested it?

[Analgesio]

Bit of a weird one maybe. Basically I’ve been seeing my bf for about 6 months, things have been going alright and he’s started spending more time at mine, staying over now and then etc. My DC (5) gets on with him but obvs still getting used to everything, which is fine and expected.

Anyway the other day bf said to me, completely out of the blue, that he thinks it would be “better for stability” if DC started calling him Dad. I just sort of blinked at him like what?? Told him absolutely not, way too soon and felt a bit ick tbh. My child has a dad (not hugely involved but still in the picture) and even if he wasn’t I still think it’s a bit much after 6 months.

Bf seemed a bit hurt by it which confused me tbh. Said he just wants to feel like he’s “part of the family” and that DC already acts like he’s the dad anyway. I don’t really agree with that at all, he’s friendly and helpful but we’re still in early days territory and I’m not comfortable with putting labels on things like that esp when DC is so young and impressionable.

Now I’m wondering if I was a bit harsh or if I should’ve handled it differently? But honestly it felt like a big red flag to me. I mentioned it to a mate and she reckons I should be flattered he wants to step up, which just made me question myself more.

AIBU to have said no or should I have been more open to it?

Why does that make sense. Am I discounted because I am a man and older. Do your own research on the topic. I married a woman with a 4 year old child. I met him right away. I adopted him and he calls me dad. We’ve been married for 45 years.

Not sure you like him that much and he’s “just there” and yet you’ve introduced your young child to him 🤔

I think you need to have a long look at your self OP as well as this chap

The lack of safeguarding awareness indicated that you were either a man or a woman who had made a risky decision herself.

It worked out for your stepchild. For many it doesn’t. I would always strongly advise all parents not to introduce a new partner for at least a year.

unlike you, I don’t need to google because I already have many years of training and experience in this area.

Trust us @BoomerAllTheWay

it makes sense

He is from the US

basically, he’s best ignored

what on earth is a 74 year old man from the US spending his days on mumsnet for?! A thread in itself

Gransnet that way ➡

Absolutely this with BELLS.

Well I suppose mansplaining and scolding women thousands of miles away is a hobby - not a great one granted 😂😂

Go on then. What are you looking for? 🙄

But this isn't about you and you adopted your son
The child already has a Dad the op can't
Just decide to push his Dad out becsuse she's found a shiny new "Dad"
He's just a boyfriend and a fairly new one at that

Half a century ago people were a lot more naive and trusting plus most people met their partners through their own community so were more familiar with them before they started dating.

Naivety and lack of due diligence is absolutely no excuse these days.

i was looking for this comment 😬.

Exactly why, you sus the guy out first over at least a year I’d say. Because sometimes as OP discovered, you need this time to figure each other out! Eg I thought it was a dream come true a guy I had a crush on asked me out but 6m in and he’d already clocked up a red flag charge!

Not fair on the kids either even if guy is perfectly safe. It can affect their mental health if they mistakenly start wondering if they’re the common denominator why there’s always a merry go round of potential ‘dads’.

Oh you spend your days here @BoomerAllTheWay

i think we’d all be grateful though if you didn’t!

golf?

Guess you’ve all had bad experiences and relationships with men, based on your fear and paranoia displayed here.

and if we didn’t already know @BoomerAllTheWay was a man….

Fear and paranoia - or understanding why safeguarding is important and prioritising kids over dick

Jeez you are being rude. Just ignore his posts if you want to.

Hopefully he’s shuffled off

Or maybe we aren’t all meek little barefoot Handmaids who believe that men are our lords and masters because it says so in the Bible!!!

Hallelujah shake that tambourine.

I’d say, based on what you’ve said, it’s extremely important that you bin this guy off.

The biggest red flag is you op. What mother has a boyfriend staying over after 6 months. This is how kids are exposed to all sorts of toxic relationships from their parents choices

So now you are thinking of ending the relationship, but your child has met him and he’s staying over. Can you not see how irresponsible you have been? Why you need to create a safe and stable environment for your child before bringing a boyfriend around?

Red flag

I would be getting away from this man. At absolute best his judgment is WAY off and I wouldn't want him around my child. At worst... Well there's no limit on how much worse things could be but he's really pushing boundaries here. And your friend is a fool.

I’d bet my house the Op is still with him.
Probably pregnant

Definitely not after 6 months. It's far far too soon and if you think about it, it's terrible for stability if the relationship doesn't work out. Your son will then have to go through all the confusion of having another new daddy to get used to if another bf is on the scene. You gave really good insight here and should stick to it. You are definitely not being unreasonable.