To be annoyed at my friend ordering food for me?

[Imdunfer]

First occasion we agreed to meet friends at a restaurant and we turned up bang on time, to find that the husband had already ordered garlic pizza as a starter and expected us all to share it and not order starters of our own.

I particularly wanted a starter that's unique to that restaurant, and had been looking forward to it all day, and had to really stick to my guns as the husband tried to bully me into sharing the starter I didn't want.

I thought it was the husband and when we met without him there I asked what was going on with "Fred" ordering for us and she said it was just him. But it happened again recently so I'm not so sure.

Second occasion I was 10 minutes late to lunch with the wife but had texted ahead to apologise. This was the first time I have ever been late meeting her in 25 years. She had already ordered what I usually, but not always, eat and drink. It was 12.40, I hadn't made her desperately late getting lunch and she's not diabetic or anything else that would need her to eat at a particular time to within 10 minutes.

In both situations, the bill is split with each pair/ person paying half.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed? Is this some kind of weird power play, or what?
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I guess you either tell them firmly before the event that 'let's all order for ourselves' or you stop dining with them. It is weird though, and I wouldn't like this.

It is a bit odd, but it does sound like she was just trying to be helpful the second time round.

I would message her before you go to the restaurant saying you are going to order so and so, so if she must order early then at least she will get your order right!

Agree though, they shouldn’t be ordering on your behalf.

I wouldn’t like it either.

First one - a little strange. Second one, she may well have had something on that she didn’t tell yoi about

Just tell her. Don’t order for me! Let me decide what I want to eat. She sounds controlling.

Yes very strange and controlling!

Next time you make plans with them you need to text “Looking forward to seeing you! Oh and please don’t order anything for me, I’ll decide when I’m with you :-) “

That is quite controlling.

And enough of their "Oh, that's just how Fred is" - as if the poor lamb simply can't help choosing to ignore other people's obvious boundaries.

She definitely didn't, it's always me that says I need to get home after about 2 hours chatting.

Another time, just say very firmly in advance, ‘Please don’t order for me! I like to choose for myself.’

You need to be blunt about this.
'No I don't want to share the starter you ordered and decided everyone would eat.'
'No I don't need you to order for me, as an adult I'm perfectly capable of doing it myself'
Frankly I find them ordering for you controlling and rude.

In the 1st example, I don't understand why it was a big deal. I would have just said "garlic pizza bread sounds good, I'll try a bit and I'm also going to order the bruschetta as I really fancy that".

Why was it such a fuss?

Second example, if I really didn't want whatever she ordered for me, I'd have asked the waiter to cancel it and ordered what I wanted.

And yeah, just say, no need to order for me, thanks.

Very weird, never heard of this. You’re gonna have to say something

If you turned up on time they wouldn’t have the chance to order for you

You can't cancel an order that is already in preparation in the kitchen.

In the first example, why should I pander to someone else's ego (and this guy does have form for "teasing" (ie mental bullying), females and psychologically weaker men) by pretending to welcome stuff I don't want to eat or actually eat stuff I don't want to eat?

They could have texted her to ask. It’s weird end of. OP isn’t a child (even my children got to choose what they wanted).

The first time, we did, read the post? This is them, not me. I couldn't help the lunch date, I was stuck at a medical appointment that ran over. I have psychological problems with turning up late anywhere, it almost never happens. I spend a lot of time sitting in car parks and waiting rooms because I'm always early so as not to be late.

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I would just tell her next time when you agree to meeting up for food “please dont order for me this time, ill order for myself when i get there :)” and if they do it again just dont meet up when theres food involved.
the first time is very strange!

Be blunt with him if there’s a next time. He sounds an utter twat. And yes tell your friend not to order for you again, before her husband’s arrogance rubs off on her.

Why on earth don't you just say something. Why are you such a doormat?

Or immediate say to the waiter, has my food been cooked / started yet, because my friend accidentally ordered A and I'd actually like B. If he can't change it so be it, but at least you'd asked.

Next time I would text en route and say "I'm on my way, if you're there before me please don't order for me so that I can make my own choice. See you soon!"

Order your own food when you get there. Let the friend pay for the meal she ordered. Make it her problem. It won't happen again!

Sounds like you've not many real life problems if you really think this is an issue.

Not saying I agree with them ordering but being on time would sort it. They could text OP but they didn’t so OP has to do something to make sure it doesn’t happen

Exactly this!!