To be annoyed at my friend ordering food for me?

[Imdunfer]

First occasion we agreed to meet friends at a restaurant and we turned up bang on time, to find that the husband had already ordered garlic pizza as a starter and expected us all to share it and not order starters of our own.

I particularly wanted a starter that's unique to that restaurant, and had been looking forward to it all day, and had to really stick to my guns as the husband tried to bully me into sharing the starter I didn't want.

I thought it was the husband and when we met without him there I asked what was going on with "Fred" ordering for us and she said it was just him. But it happened again recently so I'm not so sure.

Second occasion I was 10 minutes late to lunch with the wife but had texted ahead to apologise. This was the first time I have ever been late meeting her in 25 years. She had already ordered what I usually, but not always, eat and drink. It was 12.40, I hadn't made her desperately late getting lunch and she's not diabetic or anything else that would need her to eat at a particular time to within 10 minutes.

In both situations, the bill is split with each pair/ person paying half.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed? Is this some kind of weird power play, or what?
.

Did you call the waiter over and ask to add X dish to the starters?

I'd call the waiter over and cancel the order! This would really irk me! I'm fussy and have to consider what i fancy, so it would piss me royally off! Next time you meet them send an instruction not to order for you

garlic pizza is effectively like ordering bread so would not concern me - as long as he did not say you could no longer have the starter you wanted.

ordering your lunch is weird but you've known her for 25 years so she prob thought she was helping you - I find it more weird that after 25 years of friendship you don't just tell her not to repeat you post on an international forum ... I mean 25 years that's huge! You must be close like family by now.

Get there earlier next time and order food for them. See how normal they think it is then 🤷🏻‍♀️

I've always HATED the "Oh, that's just how Fred is" thing. It's almost always used to excuse shitty behaviour.

Have you never been late to anything, ever?
I get annoyed by lateness too but it was ten minutes and OP has explained the first time in decades.

Why are people focusing on that in some desperate way of blaming op? Its one if the most annoying features on mn.

No matter how late someone has been I've never suggested ordering for them without asking them what they want!
If I was so incredibly hungry I literally couldn't wait another few minutes the most I'd do is order for myself.

I think this is the best advice so far.

Don't make other people's choices your problem, leave them to it and do your own thing

But if he doesn't respect friends' boundaries, he probably doesn't respect his wife's either.

It sounds like a weird thing they do in their family and hasn’t occurred to them is not common. Did you say anything to her the second time? In future, I would tell her directly not to order for you if you are late.

I've had people in the past, well not people, men, order very expensive wine when I just wanted the house wine and then expected everyone to pay for it. It's not on.

Might there be a confusion over getting there 'on time'? might they think the agreement is to arrive before the stated time so that food ordering can be done at the stated time?

"I get annoyed by lateness too but it was ten minutes and OP has explained the first time in decades."

Exactly. If a friend is 20 to 30 minutes late, I send them a photo of the menu so we can potentially order for them if necessary. 10 minutes is nothing.

Very strange behaviour.
Can't fathom a person ordering for another person without being asked.
Spell it out NOT to do it for you before you agree to meet.
I consider such behaviour rude and presumptuous.

This would annoy the crap out of me. The act is choosing what to order is a big part of the joy of eating out.

Actually they’re not American are they? I heard that in America there’s a thing of letting men order for you. Ugh

🤨

Surely you are capable of recognising that adults can sometimes run late for things? OP states this was a one off.

Do you always order for people you meet too?

I’d be saying ‘no thanks’ to the food they ordered and let them pay for it. You order and pay for what you actually want.

well the first time you say "thanks but I will have xxx for starter, you call the server and order what you want.
The second time this
WildfirePonie · Today 09:47
"Order your own food when you get there. Let the friend pay for the meal she ordered. Make it her problem. It won't happen again!"

I don't understand the diabetic comment, it doesn't make people weird/rude.

Type 1 runs in my family and no one orders for others. There are time when people have to get something urgently but its only for themselves. Its also usually a drink in an emergency as food takes too long. Showing up 10 minute late and seeing someone has had a drink is not strange though.

If blood sugar drops drastically a sugar drink is usually only a minute or so away but food in a restaurant could take 10 minutes or an hour. Also they carry things like dextro for absolute emergencies.

I would never order for a friend, maybe for my kids but not even my DH (I would check what he wants first).

I would bloody hate that. I would have said firmly "oh that's not what I wanted" and ordered my own starter and pointedly not had any of the one I hadn't chosen.

I even hate it when someone tries to give my order to the waiter. My husband used to do that (his ex wife used to like him to order as she "felt like a lady" <boak>) which I firmly objected to. I'm a grown adult and I can speak for myself.

Occasionally someone might mean to be helpful, particularly if you're running late. I've ordered for a friend in that situation but only after I've texted her and given her the menu options so she can let me know what she wants. Everyone has a mobile phone these days, it's not difficult!

Your friends seem controlling.

where did you hear that?

A relative ordered for me once. They were senior and paying so I sucked it up but I was still an adult (in my 20s), thirty years later I can still feel irritated by it.

Yes that’s odd and would grate on me too Op!!
I think you just have to be clear before hand that ordering is part of the fun for you. Then go deaf to their protests and go ahead and order what you really want.

Hi @Imdunfer
YABU - this is a non issue. You make a request, as friend and adult, that they dont order for you because you dont know what you fancy eating/want to look at the options. End of story?

I can't see how these people are friends if you are (mentally) bullied by him and you can't ask your friend to either order hers, hang on and wait (or at least phone/text you for your preference!)

It is all very odd