To be annoyed at my friend ordering food for me?

[Imdunfer]

First occasion we agreed to meet friends at a restaurant and we turned up bang on time, to find that the husband had already ordered garlic pizza as a starter and expected us all to share it and not order starters of our own.

I particularly wanted a starter that's unique to that restaurant, and had been looking forward to it all day, and had to really stick to my guns as the husband tried to bully me into sharing the starter I didn't want.

I thought it was the husband and when we met without him there I asked what was going on with "Fred" ordering for us and she said it was just him. But it happened again recently so I'm not so sure.

Second occasion I was 10 minutes late to lunch with the wife but had texted ahead to apologise. This was the first time I have ever been late meeting her in 25 years. She had already ordered what I usually, but not always, eat and drink. It was 12.40, I hadn't made her desperately late getting lunch and she's not diabetic or anything else that would need her to eat at a particular time to within 10 minutes.

In both situations, the bill is split with each pair/ person paying half.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed? Is this some kind of weird power play, or what?
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why be this aggressive? what a terrible way to start a communal meal. What's wrong with ' sorry I'm going to be 10 mins late. I will order when I get there'.

Agreed, it sounds so painful, I wonder why they even bother!

It really is this simple!

Yeah, I think some posters have watched that ‘lamb cutlets, rare’, scene in Titanic too many times and thought (a) it was really reflective of practices of the time rather than showing the Cal character to be a controlling knobber, and (b) that it was set in the 1980s throughout. Baffling.

Spot on. I find the sheer rudeness of ordering for someone else without their permission to do so astonishing.

Your posts - yours and Omblomov’s - are the truly baffling ones, as I’m sure other posters will have explained by the time I press ‘post’ on this.

The lack of reading and contextual comprehension on the AIBU board is a wondrous social phenomenon.

The only vaguely acceptable reason for this man’s rudeness is if the bill is usually split equally and you have a history of ordering expensive dishes. How is the bill usually split OP ?

odd - especially the husband ordering when you didnt know them well.

A friend of 25 years - I wouldnt be that fussed, but can only imagine it happening if we were eating before going on to something - why not just order a sharing plate or their own starter if you're running late & they are hungry?

With one friend one of us will choose the wine if the other can't be contacted - generally if on the tube, but usually message on red or white.

But twice in 25 years - I doubt she remembers the first occasion - and if her partner has a habit of doing this on her behalf, less weird of her to do it for you.

Yes, that would annoy me. I’d just insist on the starter I wanted though.

On my sisters hen do (at pizza express) i went to the toilet when they took dessert orders and my mum ordered me banoffee pie and I was really pissed off cos I didn't want that!

And that's very sad and no doubt feels terribly unfair given her youth - I'm sorry.
So, now think, if you had posted on MN about something relatively trivial, by comparison, to the loss of your sister, how would you feel if someone posted "Sounds like you've not many real life problems if you really think this is an issue."
This sort of comment is unhelpful and unkind. None of knows each other and making snarky generalisations about the lives of people you don't know from Eve is pointless.

Because she DID say something at the time and the other husband argued back, and she stuck to her guns??

Well that’s sad, but irrelevant.

If you feel upset by posters having “trivial” issues, this is not the place to be.

Whose the "we"? I don't, but then I've bothered to read OP's posts. I've also read the poll result to date which is 89% think OP's right.

Which is precisely what OP did.

I wonder why your mum didn't just ask the waiter to come back in a minute or so when you were back? I find this ordering for someone else really weird - and really rude.

Oooh. An exciting new theory enters the ring!

I wouldn’t be happy either if someone ordered me bloody banoffee pie. I’d have to give the monstrosity away and have a corn on the cob, messily and noisily, next to the banoffee-pie-orderering miscreant.

Posts like this absolutely baffle me.

You come on here and berate the OP erroneously.

Read her words.

how is that at all relevant?

Yes but that's why I said that a bread for the table will rarely break the bank. Assuming the bill is split equally.

Anyway, the guy sounds like a knob, not arguing with that.

I don’t understand- the few times I’m late my friend has texted me asking if I want her to order and I either said no thanks not sure what I want or yea please the usual. If it was just garlic bread I would have said no thanks I’ll get my own and just not have eaten it. Not sure why you felt you couldn’t order more food. Husband and friend are v odd and rude for ordering your food without asking.

If they do it again then turn round and walk out of the restaurant leaving them with the bill. You've told them enough times not to order for you, they don't listen so it's on them.

If there's a nnetter reading this and recognising the behaviour as her own, well then stop being a controlling arsehole like your husband.

First example - I would understand if they said sorry we were starving and ordered a starter for 2 of them fine but to expect u to pay/share is odd. Second example also odd are you someone who ponders a menu for an age and then orders same thing? I have a friend who does this (not uncommon for waiters to have to come 2 or 3 times) before he orders a similar dish every time and it's annoying

That is weird to force anyone to eat something. Why did your husband say everyone must have garlic pizza? Was he saying to order something else would be too expensive? Are you on a very tight budget? He sounds awful for doing that.

Your mate might have meant well as it was your regular order, and knows you less well than your husband, so I'd say there's more of an excuse for her doing it. I would've simply said straight away 'oh, I didn't want that, I'll just quickly grab the waiter..' then ask to change it before it came out.

Don't let either of them do it again. I think for certain meals, like my family when we go to the Pakistani restaurant, one of us orders all the starters for the table. But that's because we usually get one of every meat dish.

Otherwise ordering for someone else without asking what they want is bad manners.