To be annoyed at my friend ordering food for me?

[Imdunfer]

First occasion we agreed to meet friends at a restaurant and we turned up bang on time, to find that the husband had already ordered garlic pizza as a starter and expected us all to share it and not order starters of our own.

I particularly wanted a starter that's unique to that restaurant, and had been looking forward to it all day, and had to really stick to my guns as the husband tried to bully me into sharing the starter I didn't want.

I thought it was the husband and when we met without him there I asked what was going on with "Fred" ordering for us and she said it was just him. But it happened again recently so I'm not so sure.

Second occasion I was 10 minutes late to lunch with the wife but had texted ahead to apologise. This was the first time I have ever been late meeting her in 25 years. She had already ordered what I usually, but not always, eat and drink. It was 12.40, I hadn't made her desperately late getting lunch and she's not diabetic or anything else that would need her to eat at a particular time to within 10 minutes.

In both situations, the bill is split with each pair/ person paying half.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed? Is this some kind of weird power play, or what?
.

Next time you meet up with her, tell her in advance that she is not to order for you.

Im sure she at least meant well, you were unexpectedly late, which is unusual for you given you said youre normally early and she picked something you regularly eat.

Probably she meant to do something nice. I would say that in the vast majority of situations, what someone does is meant kindly rather than maliciously. So id assume her intention was good and just ask her not to do it again.

I have read her words thanks.
Yes, she spoke up the first time because she wanted a specific starter but she doesn’t say that she did the second time.
After the first time, If it happened again, why wouldn’t OP state that she’d rather order her own going forward?

I would never do this for a friend unless they were massively late and even then I'd ask what they'd like

nor has anyone done it to me

Its rude and controlling

Ordering for you is really, really weird and even if it was something I wanted at that point I’d have chosen something different just to make the point!

I have a friend like this, I’ve found the best strategy is to also order what I like so they end up for example with a massive garlic bread or an extra main they order to share all for themself.
It took me a few meals out before I got this plan. The tip is to absolutely don’t eat even a tiny bit of the massive garlic bread or acknowledge how massive it is. Act as if the person wanted all of it and that is why they ordered it.

Agree. If my friend was running late if message and ask if they wanted me to order. Otherwise I’d just order a drink and tell the server we’d order when she arrived.

That’s normal surely?

YABU for being habitually late, shows such disrespect for the time of other people.

How on earth did you get to OP being habitually late? Have you read any of their posts?

YABU for not being able to read the OPs posts and making up nonsense about being habitually late.

Show such lack of comprehension.

All you needed to do was tell a server that you want your order your starter please. No need to even discuss with the bloke at all really.

I’ve only ever seen people choose and order for others when I’ve been in another country and the host has invited and pays for everyone. I found that odd but understandable and happened with a few people out there.

Here if a friend was running more than a few minutes late I might ask if they want us to order for them or someone might say I’m running late can your order x for me.

Who even orders a starter then only orders mains when the starter is on the table?
Do you mean that they arrived early and wanted garlic bread straight away, telling the server that they’d order mains when you arrived? If you still wanted your own starter, you should have just ordered it but tell the server to send out the mains when they’re ready. It’s all a bit odd to me. TBH, when I go for meals as a group, we all decide if we want a starter and go with the majority.

Absolutely wouldn't have someone order food for me and as for the husband ordering and saying everyone should share his order. He can seriously FRO. Just no way. I would only say it once too. It's aragant and rude unless you have been asked by the other person.

Did your friend know how late you were going to be? Was she being pressured by waiting staff to order? Was she ravenously hungry? Do you always (last 8 times you have eaten together) have the same order? She may have been trying to be helpful but next time you're meeting up ask her not to order for you - or get there first and order for her.

Just order another starter- the one you want.
Then split the bill accordingly

I'm very sorry for your loss. Maybe the best thing for you to do is to stay off social media platforms where people will post about situations and problems that you think are trivial and unimportant in light of your sister's untimely death. That is perfectly understandable.

What you can't and shouldn't do is try and police and control what other people find upsetting and annoying and reprimand them for posting for advice and support.

Right with you @Imdunfer I don't drive and I have mobility difficulties, plus a tendency to overestimate how long it'll take me to get anywhere. My horror of being late means I hardly ever leave the house without my Kindle or a book, because I know I'll have acres of time. But I won't make an issue out of someone else being ten minutes behind schedule, let alone stomp their boundaries the way your friend did. Her DH's behaviour was even more unacceptable, bearing in mind you were on time on that occasion. How well does he know you? I've known my DH for most of my adult life and if he took that high-handed attitude with me, I'd be down his throat like a Roman candle!

The conversation must be so stilted
No one comes away feeling invigorated by an enjoyable couple of hours spent with friends I suspect

Tbf @AngelicKaty you always think the Op is “right”, will never have a bad word said against them, and then very often the thread in question goes pfffft because turns out all made up shit!

I think if you say oh, I really don't fancy that today, so Im going to just order for myself instead.
Don't pay for what you didn't order

Sometimes you get pressurised to order once you sit at a table, I know you can say I'm waiting for a friend but it can get awkward after 10 minutes. And if you order later the food arrives staggered. The first case maybe the guy was hungry and wanted to order something quickly and assumed he had ordered something most people would eat, no reason not to order something else as well when you arrived, were the starters all sharing size?

Have you just made it up about OP being habitually late? It's the opposite. OP says that it was the first and only time she had ever been late. It was only 10 minutes anyway. No reasonable person would make a fuss about that.

No

I did have a friend abroad who ordered for us, initially I was annoyed but she was right as she knew the food better.

Here though, I’d be furious. FIL/BIL on several occasions ordered me drinks that I don’t like. (Including alcohol when I wasn’t drinking), and then were annoyed when i went and ordered I wanted instead. It’s just rude.

Like you say Op wasn’t late she was there when ordering so she should of opened her mouth and said what she wanted 🤷‍♀️