To be annoyed at my friend ordering food for me?

[Imdunfer]

First occasion we agreed to meet friends at a restaurant and we turned up bang on time, to find that the husband had already ordered garlic pizza as a starter and expected us all to share it and not order starters of our own.

I particularly wanted a starter that's unique to that restaurant, and had been looking forward to it all day, and had to really stick to my guns as the husband tried to bully me into sharing the starter I didn't want.

I thought it was the husband and when we met without him there I asked what was going on with "Fred" ordering for us and she said it was just him. But it happened again recently so I'm not so sure.

Second occasion I was 10 minutes late to lunch with the wife but had texted ahead to apologise. This was the first time I have ever been late meeting her in 25 years. She had already ordered what I usually, but not always, eat and drink. It was 12.40, I hadn't made her desperately late getting lunch and she's not diabetic or anything else that would need her to eat at a particular time to within 10 minutes.

In both situations, the bill is split with each pair/ person paying half.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed? Is this some kind of weird power play, or what?
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You could say that about loads of posts on Mumsnet. What sort of problems meet your criteria for posting on here?

But OP said he did, he tried to block her getting what she wanted because he wanted her to pay for quarter of his chosen starter.

They’d already done it though. Next time (if there is one) OP can say not to do it.

Ten minutes late is nothing. It's really rude to order food for other people without checking what they want. And as OP has said, her friend wasn't on a tight schedule. The friend and particularly the husband are overbearing and controlling.

Even if I actually wanted what they had ordered this would annoy me so much I wouldn't want to eat it!
No one has ever ordered for me, it's not normal whether you're late or not.

I’d hate that!!

In the first example, why should I pander to someone else's ego (and this guy does have form for "teasing" (ie mental bullying), females and psychologically weaker men) by pretending to welcome stuff I don't want to eat or actually eat stuff I don't want to eat?

You shouldn’t. And just say that. Just say “oh I don’t fancy the garlic bread, I’m getting xxx” and then just don’t pay your share of the garlic bread (if he asks you to when the bill comes, say “no, I didn’t order or eat it, not sure why I’d pay for it”) and just pay for your own food.

I think people are being a bit harsh here. It is not normal to meet a guy who behaves like this. This is not an OP issue. This guy is controlling and as OP said psychologically bullies others. I guarantee most, ordinary polite people would genuinely have an issue with standing up to someone like this in a nice public setting like a restaurant when presented with a scenario like this. Most of us are hardwired to keep the peace and these types are very adept at manipulating others into feeling they are the ones being 'unreasonable' and 'causing drama'. From what you describe, OP I'd probably fade them both. Her as well as she is choosing to be with someone who sounds openly nasty and you will increasingly find that they come as a pair.
N.B. I am an introvert with a VERY low tolerance for other people impinging on me

Are you actually saying this is somehow OPs fault?

@Coconutter24

oh get a grip, she was late by ten minute for the first time in 25 years. Her mate isn’t gonna keel over if she doesn’t get food in her gob ten minutes later than she thought she would.

@Shellyash ,but you have. Take a long hard look at yourself, and ask yourself if your reply to OP was helpful.

is this some kind of weird power play, or what?

Only on mumsnet

OP, let me guess, you know quite a few narcissists?.

@BunnyLake yes and at that very time, tell them! Now a non-issue? 😄

Would annoy me too - If I am late meeting someone I have sometimes said ‘if you want to order coffees while I park up, I’ll have a cappucino’ or offered to get an order in if the other person is late, but I’d never do it without being asked/checking first.

In your case I’d state very clearly when arranging to meet up - pls do NOT order for us ahead of our arrival. We will choose when we get there.

Read the post, I did. Doormat I certainly am not 🤣
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All over the western world traditionally men ordered, but I think that's probably because they were paying. Very rude to order for someone AND expect them to pay for it.
Until very recently, when a wine was ordered in some countries on the continent, the waiter would ask the man to taste it. Now they go to whoever gave the order.

You can cancel an order in most places.

And I wasn't suggesting you pander to him. Just say that you're ordering something you like too. If you don't like the garlic pizza bread, fair enough. I would have eaten that and my own starter but I'm a piggy!

I get that. But, in this example, a garlic bread for the table is hardly going to break the bank.

But, if it would do so, then yes make a fuss.

So why meet up with this obnoxious man at all? What's the point?

First time op was on time and they insisted on ordering garlic bread to share which op was not keen on.

I would never order something for a friend 10 minutes late. Would you?

He tried to block me because his chosen shading starter was already on the table and he didn't want to wait for me to order mine and wait for it to be cooked, he wanted to crack on and order mains.

I refused, had the starter I wanted and have not eaten a restaurant meal with him again and never will.

His wife is a very supportive friend, I would forgive her more than this.

It's not a man - woman thing. My female friend ordered dessert fir us to share when I nipped to the loo. Self centred people exist in both gender.

Well.... I lost my sister very young, very unexpected 2 years ago, and since then my perspective on trivial matters have made me reevaluate what matters and what doesn't. I would love for her to order me food even if I hadn't expected her to. But no longer possible.

Tell you friend you don't want them to order for you.

I wonder if you even have the slightest idea how offensive this comment is?

You have absolutely no idea what issues are going on in my life that I use Mumsnet to distract me from.