To be annoyed at my friend ordering food for me?

[Imdunfer]

First occasion we agreed to meet friends at a restaurant and we turned up bang on time, to find that the husband had already ordered garlic pizza as a starter and expected us all to share it and not order starters of our own.

I particularly wanted a starter that's unique to that restaurant, and had been looking forward to it all day, and had to really stick to my guns as the husband tried to bully me into sharing the starter I didn't want.

I thought it was the husband and when we met without him there I asked what was going on with "Fred" ordering for us and she said it was just him. But it happened again recently so I'm not so sure.

Second occasion I was 10 minutes late to lunch with the wife but had texted ahead to apologise. This was the first time I have ever been late meeting her in 25 years. She had already ordered what I usually, but not always, eat and drink. It was 12.40, I hadn't made her desperately late getting lunch and she's not diabetic or anything else that would need her to eat at a particular time to within 10 minutes.

In both situations, the bill is split with each pair/ person paying half.

AIBU to be a bit annoyed? Is this some kind of weird power play, or what?
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If the bill is split equally (as I understood from the original post), were they trying to reduce the overall cost by ordering the cheaper options?

On the post I quoted the poster trying to convince OP that her from and DH ordered the garlic bread OP had never said she wanted out of concern for OPs own well-being. I think that’s considered gas lighting but don’t want to derail thread.

Got it! Thanks. @rookiemere
I love garlic bread, but that's not the point. I'd not be happy with someone ordering for me.

I'm reminded of going to a restaurant with a boyfriend. I loved a certain pudding there, so I asked him to make sure to leave room for a pudding. He refused to order one, so I was eating while he watched. It made me uncomfortable and ruined the evening for me.

First instance, just order your starter, someone else ordering doesn’t preclude you from ordering.
In the second instance, ask to cancel the order, even if it’s too late your friend will certainly get the message that her actions weren’t helpful and won’t do it again.

See, I think you were being a bit controlling in the situation with your boyfriend not ordering a dessert. Just because he doesn't want one (and didn't obey your instruction to leave room) doesn't mean he is responsible for ruining your evening.

I much prefer savoury to sweet food but have no issue if others want to order a dessert. If they feel uncomfortable, that's their issue.

@GoneGirl12345 , I wasn't controlling - he didn't have one, but it was me paying and the whole reason for going there was to have the pudding. Main course was nice but the pudding is a speciality.

There was no obeying to do. It was 'Ooh, lets go to [restaurant]. My treat because I want to have the [pudding]. If we go, you'll leave room for pud, won't you?', 'Yes, sure, the [pudding] sounds great.'
He could have ordered it, it wasn't a huge portion or anything.

I don't normally do puddings, but this one is the best.

Yes but do you not see that it is controlling to say your night waa ruined because he didn't have a pudding?

If a man said that about his gf or wife, that would be very alarming.

@GoneGirl12345 , it isn't controlling at all. His lack of manners ruined the evening.

He would do things like that fairly regularly. For example, if we were walking to a bar for pre-theatre drinks and nibbles, he'd dive into a burger joint and get himself a burger (I don't like burgers). Basically, it was the same as ordering for both of us, only I'd get nothing.

It is weird behaviour and you don’t have to put up with it. You did the right thing the first time and I would suggest going forward whenever you meet for something you remind her almost jokingly that she doesn’t have to order for you.

I mean I've been in situations where a friend is running late and I'll ask her if she wants me to order for her (if she knows what she wants) but I'd never do it without checking first.

This is one of those irritating threads where some posters say “why didn’t you say something” and others accuse her of making too much of a fuss!

OP, it sounds to me like you dealt with it fine!

The first one is weirder than the second, and you did the right thing is going ahead and ordering your preferred started, even if you felt forced into “insisting” (men like this always make you feel like you’re insisting on your basic boundaries).

The second one, you needed to say clearly that you weren’t happy about her ordering. And next time when you make a plan say, “you know I’m almost never late, but if you happen to get there before me, please don’t order on my behalf”.

I agree. I wouldn’t like someone telling me to hold back on savoury (my preference) to leave room for sweet food.

If the person is happy to sit and finish their drink or whatever whilst you eat pudding, what’s the problem?

The burger one is weird, but not the same as the pudding example.

It's not. I'd say the pudding one would be a bit like going somewhere to do something specific then declining that one thing.

The burger one was more he was hungry and didn't even think that I might have been hungry too.

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing , I wouldn’t like someone telling me to hold back on savoury (my preference) to leave room for sweet food.
The dessert menu ranged from hearty puddings to fruit salads, and the man had a hearty appetite, he could have ordered something tiny. It's down to manners.
Had it been a friend or relative, it would have been a non-event.

I can't believe this thread is still running!