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Original poster

Friend pressuring me to have a baby

183 replies

Inthedark1 · 09/07/2025 14:16

Myself and DH have decided not to have kids. I have always been somewhat unsure and took a while to make a decision whereas he has been very sure. As I've grown older I've actually became more sure of I don't want them either - I grew up in a single parent home that struggled to make ends meet, I have never had a relationship with my father and was sexually abused by the main father type figure I had as a young teen.

I was away with a group of friends a few weeks ago and conversation somehow got on to this subject after a few drinks. They all have young kids and I felt pressured to go into the details I mentioned above as to why I don't want them and they didn't seem to think these were good reasons not to have kids. They all seem to think I'd be a great mother and that I am just against kids because DH is, it now has me doubting myself again. One of them has even followed up by text to try and discuss it again this week. Do these sound like valid reasons to make the decision to not want to have kids?! If so how would you respond to this sort of pressure?

OP posts:
MemorableTrenchcoat · 09/07/2025 14:19

You don't need any reasons to make the decision to not want kids. Tell your friend to mind her own business.

Gastons5dozenEggs · 09/07/2025 14:22

They're just jealous because you have all the time in the world and able to sleep!

Rolypoly27 · 09/07/2025 14:22

As a mum of a toddler who always wanted to be a mum:

Your friends are downright out of order. You absolutely are allowed to decide to have no children, you can still have a beautiful life with or without children. There is so much out there. Having young children is no excuse to put pressure on someone to also have kids. I can’t even believe that you explained to them and they told you the reasons aren’t good enough.

Makingpeace · 09/07/2025 14:24

You need better friends.

Your reasons to not have babies are your own, in the same way that their reasons to have babies are their own.

All are valid. All should be respected.

toastofthetown · 09/07/2025 14:27

You don’t need any reason to not want children other than you don’t want them. It’s your life and not your friend’s and why a friend wants to discuss it with you again is bonkers. I have a baby and my closest friend is childfree by choice and the idea that I would try to convince her on multiple occasions to have a baby is unfathomable. I wanted a baby and it’s hard work, god knows what it would be like if I had a baby because a friend doesn’t understand different people might make difference decisions.

Smittenkitchen · 09/07/2025 14:28

This is really odd behaviour on their part. I always felt very sure I wanted to have kids but I can't imagine trying to convince somebody else they did when they had clearly stated they didn't. It's one thing talking about it and asking about your thoughts and perspective in and interested and respectful way but trying to pressure you into changing your mind is very odd. You sound very sure about your decision so don't let them make you second guess yourself!

myheadsjustmush · 09/07/2025 14:28

Your body.
Your life.
Your marriage.
Your choice.

This is nothing to do with your friends whatsoever. Don't have children just because someone else thinks you should.

Rainbow321 · 09/07/2025 14:29

It's ultimately your decision on whether you want to become a mother , a partner that agrees is great or they may choose to end the relationship to have,a child if that is their wish .
A friends opinion on if you should have a child is just that , An opinion .
Smile and shut down the conversation .

Fancycheese · 09/07/2025 14:29

Tell the one that followed up with you that she should have more kids because it sounds like she has too much time on her hands. Truly bizarre behaviour. They need to mind their own business.

Sandmaennchen · 09/07/2025 14:30

Those aren’t friends!

I’m actually shocked that they don’t respect you and your partner’s opinion.

Vaxtable · 09/07/2025 14:31

I would respond along the lines of

i assume you think you are coming from a good place, however you are not. What we decide we are going to d about children is no one’s business but ours and you will have to trust me when I say I don’t want children. Please stop interfering in our business

RightOnTheEdge · 09/07/2025 14:31

Your friends are CFers! The one who texted you is totally overstepping!

Its absolutely none of their business why you don't want kids.
Do not try to explain or defend your decision any more.

Tell them firmly to butt out.

Original poster
Inthedark1 · 09/07/2025 14:32

Thanks all this has been helpful. There's been a few occasions that I've hung out with them and had the entire conversation be about kids/pregnancy and sometimes made to feel like my life will lack purpose because I won't have kids - maybe not intentionally on some occasions but I've always left their company doubting my decision (the one friend who's text me is the worst one). This is probably the first time there has been a direct conversation about it so think I need to just tell that friend to p*ss off lol!

OP posts:
SuchiRolls · 09/07/2025 14:32

How entitled do you have to be to even think you’re entitled to an opinion on wether a friend wants to have children or not to start with, let alone to voice it and in front of a whole group of people. If this were me, I’d be reviewing the friendship altogether. Someone that thinks it’s ok to project their insecurities on you and in such a public forum, is in my opinion not a friend at all. It’s no one’s business but yours.

I wouldn’t even ask someone if they wanted children, because it doesn’t affect me. If they raised the topic themselves and wanted to discuss, fair enough, but to outright call you out for something that’s literally none of their business?! I’m astounded!

Makingpeace · 09/07/2025 14:34

Inthedark1 · 09/07/2025 14:32

Thanks all this has been helpful. There's been a few occasions that I've hung out with them and had the entire conversation be about kids/pregnancy and sometimes made to feel like my life will lack purpose because I won't have kids - maybe not intentionally on some occasions but I've always left their company doubting my decision (the one friend who's text me is the worst one). This is probably the first time there has been a direct conversation about it so think I need to just tell that friend to p*ss off lol!

This is probably the first time there has been a direct conversation about it so think I need to just tell that friend to pss off lol!*

Yep, I would!

Firefly1987 · 09/07/2025 14:35

To someone who wants kids no (perfectly valid) reason would ever be enough not to have them. I mean people bring kids into the most terrible circumstances, it's because they're usually selfish and thinking about themselves not the kid. I can guarantee you've put a lot more thought into NOT having kids than they ever did into having them! And that's a very good thing. They just want you to have them as they have nothing to talk about but babies.

Mumofteenandtween · 09/07/2025 14:35

I actually think it should be the other way around. That people should not have kids unless they have a genuine reason to have them.

In my case I have always wanted kids - almost in the way that I have always wanted oxygen - it was always more of a need than a want. And I have them and I am really glad. They are fab. But sometimes it has been really hard. I can’t imagine dealing with it when I was ambiguous about having them in the first place.

RainbowBagels · 09/07/2025 14:38

Definitely tell her to piss off. If she doesn't, just keep badgering her about why she had kids and dismiss every reason as a bad one. (Go on about climate change and AI taking all the jobs maybe!)

TennisLady · 09/07/2025 14:38

Agree with what everyone has said but just to try and think why your friends are being this way, and the fact we only have your side of the story, are they maybe concerned your partners point of view and feeling so strongly about it is influencing you to think that way, and they’re worried you’ll regret that later? How do they view your partner?

ChaToilLeam · 09/07/2025 14:39

Shut that shit down right away! Why do they think their opinion even matters? It would be a laughable reason to bring a child into the world. They just want everyone to be in the same club as them.

I have loads of friends with kids and none of them have ever tried to pressure me, in fact one said: stay the way you are, you really wouldn’t like it. 😆

Original poster
Inthedark1 · 09/07/2025 14:40

Firefly1987 · 09/07/2025 14:35

To someone who wants kids no (perfectly valid) reason would ever be enough not to have them. I mean people bring kids into the most terrible circumstances, it's because they're usually selfish and thinking about themselves not the kid. I can guarantee you've put a lot more thought into NOT having kids than they ever did into having them! And that's a very good thing. They just want you to have them as they have nothing to talk about but babies.

Haha that is probably true. The friend I'm mentioning said I should have a baby even if DH doesn't want one so not sure her moral compass is very strong, I probably shouldn't be letting it bother me this much!

OP posts:
Agapornis · 09/07/2025 14:42
Beach Drinking GIF by BBC

Respond to them through the medium of GIFs of all the things they're missing out on. Make them jealous 😎

I'd make new friends. In my experience more active hobbies (like sports) have a lot of happily childfree people in their 30s looking for new friends.

MyMilchick · 09/07/2025 14:42

You don't need valid reasons to convince anyone why you're not having a child! Tell them mind their own business

Purplecatshopaholic · 09/07/2025 14:42

I used to get this. Always from ‘friends’ who were jealous of my free time, extra disposable income, nice holidays, etc. Ignore. It’s really rude of them to go on about it, it’s none of their business.

junkmaail · 09/07/2025 14:43

Your friend sounds batshit! Who on earth follows up with text like this! It’s absolutely nothing to do with them. Your reasons are your own and are as valid as anyone else’s.