OP, I completely get where you’re coming from. There’s so much pressure out there to have kids, like it’s just what everyone’s supposed to do. But life isn’t that simple, is it? You’ve been through a lot—growing up with money being tight, not really having a dad around, and dealing with some tough stuff that no one should have to go through. Of course that’s going to shape how you feel about having kids. It’s not about being negative or making excuses, it’s just being real about your own life and what you want.
To be honest, one of the lads at football is in the same boat. He and his wife decided ages ago that kids weren’t for them. He used to get the odd comment—stuff like, “You’ll change your mind,” or, “You don’t know what you’re missing.” But he never made a big thing of it, just shrugged it off and said, “It’s not for us.” Now, no one cares. He’s still out with us every week, still gets invited to everything, and you can tell he’s happy. It’s just not a big deal anymore.
If your mates bring it up again, you don’t have to go into all the details if you don’t want to. You could just say, “Look, I know you all mean well, but I’ve thought about this a lot and I’m happy with how things are. I’d appreciate it if we could just leave it at that.” If they keep pushing, it’s perfectly fine to say, “Honestly, can we just drop it? I’m good with my decision.”
At the end of the day, you don’t owe anyone an explanation. There’s no rulebook for life—what matters is that you and your partner are happy. People might not get it straight away, but they usually come round. Just stick to what feels right for you.