Stepson hit me & DH is in Australia

[midwifemayhem]

Posting here cos I honestly don’t know what else to do.

DH has 2 adopted DC from his ex, not biologically his but he raised them from young. DS is 17, just turned. His home life with his mum and her DH was chaotic. Constant rows, police involved a few times, clashed badly with her partner. Earlier this year he begged to come live with us and we said yes. Thought it’d give him a fresh start.

He’s doing a GCSE resit course at college but nothing else going on. Doesn’t work, doesn’t help round the house, walks around like he owns it. Leaves the kitchen a state, crumbs everywhere, dirty plates never cleared. Toilet constantly left in a disgusting state — doesn’t flush, tissue everywhere, seat up with piss on it. I’m not a maid.

He’s gay or bi, not totally clear as he won’t talk about it much, which is fine obviously, but he constantly has boys over. Mostly the same one who’s a bit older and always smells of weed. I’ve told him again and again not to bring people round when we’re out or asleep. He ignores me every time. They leave the place a tip — food everywhere, music on full blast, weed stink in every room. Last week I came back from a night shift and the back door was wide open and they were passed out on the sofa.

Every time I try to set a boundary I get attitude. Tells me to shut up, get out his face, swearing at me. DH is away in Australia with work. Been gone 2 weeks, back in 2 more. It’s 5am over there now so I can’t even call him.

Tonight I told him firmly that boy wasn’t allowed round anymore and that I’ve had enough of the mess and disrespect. He went off at me, full shouting match, then slapped me across the face. Not just a shove — an actual slap. Then stormed out. Hasn’t come back.

I’m sat here now shaking, door locked, don’t even know if I want him back in the house. I don’t feel safe and I don’t see how things can carry on like this.

What am I meant to do? I’ve only messaged DH briefly cos I didn’t want to wake him but I’ll have to tell him everything. He’ll be gutted but this isn’t working.

AIBU to say that’s it? I’ve tried and tried but he crossed a line tonight.

Phone your husband and wake him up

You can call your husband now

It's an emergency and worth waking your husband slightly early for

Do not let your step son back in the house.

After a former or current partner, the next most likely person to kill a woman over 35 is their son or step son.

So I don't wish to over dramatic, but you do need to take domestic violence from your son seriously.

Get your husband up now

Call the police.

Call the police ans then your dh.

1. Call police

1. Wake up your damn husband

1. Pack his bags and change the locks. You do NOT have to put up with domestic violence.

I wouldn’t give a flying fuck what time it is in Australia right now.

Call the police and report it.

Phone the police and report him for assault

Keep the door locked. And call the police. He needs to be charged with assault. It won't be popular on mn who will.pile on with cries of 'he MUST be ND so pda' which means you have to accept being abused/assaulted but no, you don't.

Consider calling the police.

does the door have a deadbolt on it or security chain? If so put that on. Ideally you want to be sure he isn’t going to come back and continue with more violence.

Police first

DH second

locks changed third

If you’re husband is in a hotel call reception and the call put through via the landline. That will wake him up properly.

YADNBU!

What a nightmare situation, and so unfair on you.
Keep the door locked, you do not have to put up with violence. He can go back to his mothers house.

Ring your DH immediately.

Do not let him back in.

I would not let him back in & tell him to go to his Mum’s. Your DH can speak to him when he gets back but you won’t be having any contact or letting him in the house for the next two weeks.

If there is any backlash from him on this boundary, you call the police.

Phone your husband and tell him everything. He needs to be in your corner and as a couple you need to be a united front as this is unacceptable. If your DH can’t speak to him and make him go back to his mums then your DH will need to call his ex and get him collected. This is absolutely not on. I’m so sorry, this is horrible hope you’re ok x

@midwifemayhem

Call your husband then his mum then double lock the doors. Police if necessary.

Forget your husband and call the police!! Now!! He just assaulted you! Get him arrested and make it very clear you do not want him back in your home.

You are definitely not being unreasonable. I think he’s outstayed his welcome for sure. He has to go - what an entitled arse!

Call your husband and the police, you need to make sure you are safe, you can't have him back in the house while you are alone.

So your DH has only had his son living with him for a few months and he’s gone to Australia for a month and just left you to it? Jesus.

I’d be calling the police and have this young waster arrested for assault. Keep that door locked OP.

If your DH disagrees he can get on a plane and come back.

Call the police and never let him under your roof again. DH can live elsewhere with him if needed.

Agree with the above. Police, than DH, and leave the door locked.

Get your husband up. Keep your door locked. Tell your husband he has to talk to his ex and sort something out.

I would call his mother or the police.
Is he attending any mental health team?.