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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Adult children didn’t come down to meet their cousins baby

470 replies

AdEmRoJaAn · 06/07/2025 12:24

Hi all, I have 5 children, DS are 25 and 22, DDs are 24, 19 and 17.

This weekend all 5 of them are staying at home as Friday night was my husbands birthday party.

Today my niece brought her 5 day old baby girl to come and meet us. My youngest 3 came downstairs and chatted, held baby etc. but my eldest 2 didn’t. DD is going through a break up and claims she was too tired as she didn’t really sleep last night and she doesn’t really like holding babies. DS said he just doesn’t get the hype but apologised. They were here for 3 hours so hardly like they didn’t have plenty of time to pop in.

AIBU to be absolutely raging that they were so bloody rude?

OP posts:
PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 06/07/2025 12:26

You had guests for 3 hours and they stayed in their rooms the whole time?!

yup. Unacceptable. If they want to do that then grand, do it in their own house. They’re 24 and 25. I would give them a sept 1st deadline to be in their own place.

Original poster
AdEmRoJaAn · 06/07/2025 12:27

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 06/07/2025 12:26

You had guests for 3 hours and they stayed in their rooms the whole time?!

yup. Unacceptable. If they want to do that then grand, do it in their own house. They’re 24 and 25. I would give them a sept 1st deadline to be in their own place.

They all have their own places, well the eldest 3 do. They are just staying with us for the weekend as it was my husbands birthday.

OP posts:
Createausername1970 · 06/07/2025 12:29

It was a bit rude, and I would tell them, but I don't think I would be "raging" about it.

They are adults and their relationship with their cousins is theirs to navigate.

Moonnstars · 06/07/2025 12:31

Not everyone is into babies. I would let it go.

Poopeepoopee · 06/07/2025 12:33

It's up to adults to facilitate relationships with other adults.

Not sure why this would even be on your radar to be honest.

toastofthetown · 06/07/2025 12:33

I thought you were going to say your children just didn’t come around and I was going to say that’s fine. Some people aren’t interested in extended family and if they don’t want to come over that’s fine. It’s very weird to not come downstairs to say hi to their cousin when she was there for three hours. When I was a child we always had to say hello and goodbye to guests because that was polite. We didn’t have to hang around for hours with my parents friends though. Didn’t they want to see their cousin and how she’s doing after having a baby, even if they weren’t interesting in the baby. If they don’t want to hold the baby they don’t have to, multiple people have said to me they don’t like holding babies and I’m not offended. Especially when they’re so young a lot of parents wouldn’t necessarily want a round of pass the baby

AgnesX · 06/07/2025 12:35

They should have come and said hello to their cousin, that's basic good manners but to the baby, not so much. 20 somethings, in the main, have little to no interest in baby chat.

yoghurtontoast · 06/07/2025 12:35

No sorry I don’t see the problem. Just because they live there doesn’t mean they should have to entertain. DD probs didn’t want to go out if she’s going through a shitty time - give her a break. How would your guest have known they were even at home? I have a young baby and hated feeling like it was pass the parcel with her when she was tiny. A newborn has no need to be held by loads of people who aren’t its caregivers.

yoghurtontoast · 06/07/2025 12:35

AgnesX · 06/07/2025 12:35

They should have come and said hello to their cousin, that's basic good manners but to the baby, not so much. 20 somethings, in the main, have little to no interest in baby chat.

This is crazy to me as a 20 something with a baby- it’s like the prime time to have babies 😂

ClimbingMountKilimounjaro · 06/07/2025 12:37

Regardless of meeting the baby, it’s incredibly rude to hide away in a bedroom when there are guests downstairs. They should have popped in to say hello and left if they weren’t interested in your niece or the baby.

Coffeeishot · 06/07/2025 12:38

Yes they should have imo came and at least said hello, at least.

helpfulperson · 06/07/2025 12:39

yoghurtontoast · 06/07/2025 12:35

No sorry I don’t see the problem. Just because they live there doesn’t mean they should have to entertain. DD probs didn’t want to go out if she’s going through a shitty time - give her a break. How would your guest have known they were even at home? I have a young baby and hated feeling like it was pass the parcel with her when she was tiny. A newborn has no need to be held by loads of people who aren’t its caregivers.

Edited

They weren't expected to entertain. They were expected to pop down, say Hi and could they go back upstairs.

This is part of why the concept of a village is disappearing because people no longer seem willing to put themselves out even a tiny bit to keep connections and relationships with others.

toastofthetown · 06/07/2025 12:39

Moonnstars · 06/07/2025 12:31

Not everyone is into babies. I would let it go.

It’s not just about being into babies, but giving birth and being a new mum is a huge change. Even if I had no interest in seeing and holding the baby, if I cared about my cousin I’d want to see her and see how she’s doing.

Morgenrot25 · 06/07/2025 12:40

Not everyone loves babies OP.

NuffSaidSam · 06/07/2025 12:41

I'd let DD off. It's hard if you're in the midst of a break-up to come and look at someone's else's happy ever after and look happy about it.

And DS apologised.

Be mildly annoyed if you want. 'Absolutely raging' is a ridiculous overreaction.

Coffeeishot · 06/07/2025 12:42

@Helpfulperson I agree with you, this woman is their family not some random stranger, adults saying oh "i am to sad" or I "don't like babies" need to have a word with themselves.

GlobalFish · 06/07/2025 12:42

Yet another post where people intentionally mis-read the OP to try and find something to criticise.

Yes, OP, they were extremely rude. When you are a guest in someone's house, you do not stay in your room for the entirety of a multi-hour visit with another guest.

New baby isn't the point, it being their cousin isn't the point.

I'd say they'd only potentially have an excuse if it were a point of contention in some way (i.e. the father of the baby is DD's ex or DD is TTC and it's not going well, big falling out with the cousin, etc). But, simply not bothering to come downstairs for several hours in someone else's house is plain rude.

They don't have to like babies - it's completely irrelevant. I don't really like 60yo, overweight bald men but I wouldn't hide in a bedroom at my mum's house when my uncle David is over. I don't like spotty 14yo boys but I don't hide in my mum's house when her neighbour and her teenage son pop over.

ItsPersonal · 06/07/2025 12:42

I would be very embarrassed if my young adult children did this. They know that when we have guests that they need just to come down, smile and say a quick hello. No excuse for rudeness. Social skills are important.

RitaFires · 06/07/2025 12:42

I would have expected them to say hi briefly even if they then just headed back to their rooms afterwards.

pizzaHeart · 06/07/2025 12:43

ClimbingMountKilimounjaro · 06/07/2025 12:37

Regardless of meeting the baby, it’s incredibly rude to hide away in a bedroom when there are guests downstairs. They should have popped in to say hello and left if they weren’t interested in your niece or the baby.

This ^

ShanghaiDiva · 06/07/2025 12:44

Yes, it’s extremely rude. I would be disappointed if my children behaved in this way.

InterestedDad37 · 06/07/2025 12:45

Yep, basic good manners imho 👍

minnienono · 06/07/2025 12:45

It is rude not to pop into the living room and say hi to their cousin, the baby aside! (Unless some big falling out). I’m wondering with your dd there may be more to it though, you say break up issues but could she have got pregnant and had an abortion for instance? Not out of the realms of possibility as to why seeing a baby would be painful

ShanghaiDiva · 06/07/2025 12:46

Morgenrot25 · 06/07/2025 12:40

Not everyone loves babies OP.

Irrelevant. It’s rude to ignore visitors and would only require a few minutes of conversation.

tumblingdowntherabbithole · 06/07/2025 12:46

They were incredibly rude. I have no interest in babies either but I would still spend time with my cousin.