Adult children didn’t come down to meet their cousins baby

[AdEmRoJaAn]

Hi all, I have 5 children, DS are 25 and 22, DDs are 24, 19 and 17.

This weekend all 5 of them are staying at home as Friday night was my husbands birthday party.

Today my niece brought her 5 day old baby girl to come and meet us. My youngest 3 came downstairs and chatted, held baby etc. but my eldest 2 didn’t. DD is going through a break up and claims she was too tired as she didn’t really sleep last night and she doesn’t really like holding babies. DS said he just doesn’t get the hype but apologised. They were here for 3 hours so hardly like they didn’t have plenty of time to pop in.

AIBU to be absolutely raging that they were so bloody rude?

Rude and uncaring.

Their reasons are pathetic. So what if they aren't interested in babies, that's not the point.

And in THREE HOURS none of them even came down for a cup of tea?

I would be disappointed in them. And tell them they were rude.

It really isn’t. For many twenty somethings, the idea that you would voluntarily restrict your life like that at such a young age is baffling.

OP, I think your annoyance is coming out of the fact that your adult, independently-living children were back at home for a couple of nights, so in your head, they’ve slotted back into a younger role in your head, and you feel their behaviour reflects on you as their parent, the way it did when they were 12.

You don’t mention whether this cousin is someone any of them are close to? I have first cousins I wouldn’t recognise on the street, and cousins I was very close to in childhood, but grew apart from in my teens because of, basically, class differences.

Id let it go.

I'd be furious, it's really rude. Not hard to say hello for 4 minutes

Perhaps they've got no interest in their cousin?

Incredibly rude of them. As kids we had to greet guests even if it’s just a minute.

I mean DD has had an abortion but this was over a year ago and not related to the break up at all.
She is in the pits of a break up right now so I understand she’s sad and not the most sociable but it would have been nice for her to come and say hi. DD is very distant from most of the family, other than her dad and DS1.
DS1 just doesn’t like babies apparently.

The abortion could be why - being over a year ago doesn't mean she's ok with it, isn't hurting, hasn't got conflicted feelings. I would give her some grace here.

Having had babies and knowing how special,beautiful, amazing you think your first baby is I would always make a point of going to admire it and have a little cuddle.

Remind them of it when they have their first.

They don't live there

It's rude to just stay upstairs when a family member comes to visit, even if they didn't have th baby.

It doesn't matter, you still show basic manners and come and say hello.

Does DS1 like his cousin? He’s old enough to be able to that he’s not comfortable holding babies but still say hi to his cousin if they get on.

For your DD it might be the cousin and baby highlight the fact that her life in the last year or so hasn’t gone to plan and it might be a bit raw for her.

Are they close to their cousin? I don’t have any and I have only met DH’s cousins once

This would have been me in my teens I remember hiding away in my room if we had visitors even family. I became very socially awkward at that age and my teen dd is now the same. by my early/mid twenties I had grew out of this phase and became too nosey to stay out of they way and had gained massively in confidence around people. I still wasn't particularly interested in babies though at that age. As a parent I think we can feel awkward and that our dc are rude when they hide away like this but I think many teens early 20s are like this. they'll grow out of it.

Not particularly. DS1 and DD1 both think they are above my side of the family tbh.

Nope, it's fine. They weren't rude, they were just disinterested. It's not rude to avoid babies or visitors, it's rude if you spend time with them and are, actually, rude to them. Disinterest is not rudeness.

I have no interest in babies either.
Some families seem to think just because they love being around family the kids will as well.
Thats not true though i dont like being around family humming and cooing over something i have no interest in.
Or making pointless conversations with family that i don't click with.
I dont really like any of my cousins or wider family my mother adores them.
And thinks we should all be the same.
But its just not me.
I like peace and quiet books and storms they are loud love techno and gossiping.

When I read your thread title I thought “come down” was going to be referring to travelling, and I was going to say YABU.

But since actually you just meant come down from their rooms, then yes, I think it’s very rude. People will justify it as “not everyone is a baby person” but even if you forget the baby, I think it’s rude not to come and say hi to your cousin. I have nearly 20 cousins, some I barely know, and I would still stick my head round the door to say hi if they were in the same house.

I think your daughter is going through a lot right now, an abortion and a relationship breakup. She’s obviously made the effort to visit for her dad’s birthday. Maybe a new baby and her cousins happiness was too much for her just at the moment.
I think I’d save raging for another time Op, maybe have a chat with her and see how she’s feeling.
It’s not polite for either of them to not say a quick hello but I wouldn’t ruin a birthday weekend raging .

Make it clear they don’t get to do that in your home.

Tell them you’re sad they have so little manners.

It would have taken moments to show respect for you and kindness to their cousin. .

I don’t pressure my dc nor judge other peoples dc if they are needing some down time. I can’t stand the fakeness of dc being wheeled out or pretending to care. When you have been crying all night or feel overwhelmed you are entitled to some peace until you feel better. Just because their mother had arranged to have guests doesn’t mean they have to perform.

Let them relax in their family home.

Yes, this. It's up to them. You cannot "rage" at them because of this, it's not up to you to tell them how to socialise anymore.

Also, have you thought there might perhaps be something underlying? Maybe they don't get on with this cousin as well as you think they do. Maybe seeing a newborn would be triggering to them? You just don't know.

But either way, they're adults with their own homes.

I agree.

If they think they are above their cousin maybe just as well they didn’t pop down to see her. Assume they aren’t your step children

Your ooor dd has just had a bloody abortion - you are being very insensitive op. To say the least.