Adult children didn’t come down to meet their cousins baby

[AdEmRoJaAn]

Hi all, I have 5 children, DS are 25 and 22, DDs are 24, 19 and 17.

This weekend all 5 of them are staying at home as Friday night was my husbands birthday party.

Today my niece brought her 5 day old baby girl to come and meet us. My youngest 3 came downstairs and chatted, held baby etc. but my eldest 2 didn’t. DD is going through a break up and claims she was too tired as she didn’t really sleep last night and she doesn’t really like holding babies. DS said he just doesn’t get the hype but apologised. They were here for 3 hours so hardly like they didn’t have plenty of time to pop in.

AIBU to be absolutely raging that they were so bloody rude?

Ds clearly used his sister’s situation to get out of saying hello to the cousin.

All of these "but he was supporting his sister" comments are hilariously naive. Her being in tears (for three whole hours apparently) served as the perfect excuse for him to be rude and not say hello too.

We can only go on the info we have. And some people can get very upset and cry for long periods.

What a compelling response! Well, I’m convinced. Someone please alert the dictionaries - @Batbrown has redefined a word and all her measly subjects must comply 😂😂😂🙄

Words means what they mean whether you like it or not.

It is a bit rude but not worth raging over plus your son apologised and your daughter explained why she acted as she did. It would have been polite to have spent a few minutes saying hello but it is not WW3 stuff

No wonder you’re having martial issues if that’s your attitude.

ok, tongue in cheek don’t come across well then! Talk to her young adult kids then

I agree it’s quite impolite and probably a bit hurtful to your niece. I would be embarrassed if my children (adult or otherwise) didn’t pop down to say hello or goodbye . Like others have said I wouldn’t expect them to stay for long or hold the baby even but at least a ‘hello’ and ‘congratulations’. not a major issue though and wouldn’t hold on to it for too long

If I was told this I just wouldn't stay with my parents again and book a hotel for future birthdays.

It's unreasonable to tell adults who they should socialise with. And it's their family home, they should be able to take some down time when they feel the need to.

It's not a matter of taking two minutes out of your day. it's a matter of not being able to interact conventionally when you're truly in agony.

If the daughter had come down, but had been unable to control her tears in front of the relatives, that might have aroused complaints as well.

I have occasionally been a guest of people whose partners or grown-up children are so engrossed in computer games or scrolling their phones that they don't bother to come and say hello. I do find that a bit rude. But this is in a totally different category.

Perfectly reasonable to tell adult relatives who are acting like selfish arseholes in your home that they're acting like selfish arseholes.

Agree,that’s exactly what @AdEmRoJaAn needs to hear. She was selfish and manipulative

See, I think OP is being selfish expecting her crying, distressed daughter to suck it up because it suits her.

Oh I know. I was being charitable..

Agree
@AdEmRoJaAn needs to stop stage managing her children to make her look good

What a strange take on the situation.

Good grief, OP! You are asking for consideration from your children, even in spite of what they are going through. If you want that, you might try showing some yourself. Lead by example and all that.

In what way? The daughter was distressed any crying. But her mum thinks it’s more important she comes down to see her cousin? That’s self-centred.

I have twenty-eight first cousins, and I’ve seen all of their children at least a couple of times in their lives. On my dad’s side, I see my cousins’ children at least twice a year. (Can’t remember all their names, but they’re at the same family gatherings.) The thought of a cousin’s baby being a relative so “distant” that s/he’s of absolutely no interest whatsoever is wild to me.

But even if the mother of the baby was someone I’d never met before, I still wouldn’t be in the same house for three hours completely ignoring her presence if I were in OP’s son’s position. (I give the daughter a pass.)

He didn’t have to support her for every single minute of three entire hours.

Maybe he thought his sister was more important than cousin he’s clearly not even close to?

Nobody’s saying otherwise.

So they normally live in their own places? Which kinda makes them guests in yours. Even more reason for them to not hide away. Extremely rude of them. Whether they like babies or not. They ignored their cousin as well as her baby.

I bet they managed to make their way downstairs when food was available.

If you read OPs update, it wasn’t remotely about not liking babies. Her daughter had an abortion a year ago. She had just broken up with her bf and was crying upstairs while her brother comforted her.

Not everyone likes babies. DSis is childless by choice. We took my daughter's newborn to see his great great grandmother. When we got there my cousins, my dad and my sister were there. One cousin adores babies and happily gave him a cwtch. She then offer him to DSis who backed off so quickly she nearly ended up in the understairs cupboard.

It would never occur to her to come downstairs to see a baby.

She sounds rude and lacking in social skills.

Edited to add - it’s not necessarily about coming to see the baby. How about coming to see her cousin (in the OP’s example)?