Adult children didn’t come down to meet their cousins baby

[AdEmRoJaAn]

Hi all, I have 5 children, DS are 25 and 22, DDs are 24, 19 and 17.

This weekend all 5 of them are staying at home as Friday night was my husbands birthday party.

Today my niece brought her 5 day old baby girl to come and meet us. My youngest 3 came downstairs and chatted, held baby etc. but my eldest 2 didn’t. DD is going through a break up and claims she was too tired as she didn’t really sleep last night and she doesn’t really like holding babies. DS said he just doesn’t get the hype but apologised. They were here for 3 hours so hardly like they didn’t have plenty of time to pop in.

AIBU to be absolutely raging that they were so bloody rude?

They were a bit rude and I’d have been embarassed if my adult child did that. I think the one who had just had a break up can just about get away with it. The other one should have popped their head in, said “aww, cute” even if they didn’t mean it.

I think the not everyone loves babies thing is a cop out. The cousin/new mum was there too, it’s not like the newborn would care.

DS said he was going to sit with her

It says it there

It wasn't embarrassing for me or for them. They were very supportive. The same as I have been when they've cried

Because thankfully I don't work with such heartless people as some on this thread. But with people with actual empathy who understand life is hard

Crying, which harms no one, is not the same as punching someone

Punching someone physically affects another person in a way crying doesn't. Shouting in frustration is a better analogy, and yes I do think snapping is ok sometimes

I'm imagining some posters households to be like this:

The doorbell rings and they all rush to the door to line up like the Von Trapp kids

One has to pause the important meeting they are in on Teams "sorry, we have guests and I must greet them"

One drags their coughing, spluttering sick ass downstairs to share their germs

Because Guests take all priority

And for other posters, if their cousin came round with her new baby they’d be rushing down the stairs to see her and give her a hug and congratulate her and meet the child, and probably they’d have presents for her too. Because it’s FAMILY. Not because it’s A GUEST and they’re obliged. Believe it or not some people love their families ;)

I love my cousins

I wouldn't:
Pause an important work conversation
Fake a smile when I was emotional
Bring my germs to them

As they love me, I would assume they also don't expect me to pause my life to come running to them either

Yes it’s very rude of them not to come down and say hello.
If this happened in my house and they hadn’t come down within the first half hour I’d have either popped up and told them not to be so rude, or text them.

It gets me how people think “some people aren’t interested in babies” is a good excuse to spend three entire hours ignoring one who’s been brought to the house to meet the family for the first time. I’m trying to imagine someone using a similar excuse for other groups of people. “Your auntie’s just come by with their new foreign exchange student. Come down and say hello, will you?” “No, I’m not interested in foreigners.”

That actually happened to me lol! I was the foreign exchange student in question. The country was the Netherlands. My host mother took me to meet her aunt who couldn't have cared less and wouldn't come downstairs. I thought it was absolutely hilarious.

I did read it ta. She said the eldest didnt get the hype about babies/just doesnt like babies apparently/not interested in babies (so very much about not liking babies)
2nd eldest had an abortion over a year ago which wasnt connected to current breakup upset. Eldest was comforting 2nd eldest over breakup. 2nd eldest is very upset and wallowing in it.
None of that is sufficient to pop downstairs for five minutes and say "Sorry Cousin Im not really in the mood to be sociable right now but congrats on your beautiful baby. Apologies but Im going to go back upstairs and feel sad" Job done. Cousin and baby not ignored, mother pleased that her eldest were not rude.
As I said in my first comment I bet they both appeared for food/dads birthday meal.

Ooops I forgot to tag @TheRadiatorLadySings

Wow empathy bypass. Having an abortion a year ago could still leave her raw about being around babies now and even if not, she was in distress about the breakup sometimes, social niceties are not the most important thing

This three things are not all the same.

As for “pause my life”, how self-important and self-centred is that? 5 minutes to pop down, say hi and congrats to cousin?

You’re right - that’s 5 minutes if your life you won’t get back.

But all 3 are reasons why you might not "just pop down"

But according to PP, it doesn't matter. You must pop down. Regardless of how you feel.

Which is making the other person, the person who isn't even visiting you, the centre of the universe. It's making them more important than you.

Guests don't pop round to see everyone in the house as a normal course, unless it's been arranged with everyone. The eldest 2 weren't even supposed to still be there so there was no plan for it to be a visit to see everyone.

Yeah they’re all reasons but not all those reasons were in play, were they? So I’m not sure why you’ve lobbed in a work call, for example.

Guests might not come round to see everyone, but that’s not the same as everyone who happens to be in popping in to say hello. The OP expecting her visiting children to do that is hardly making her guest the centre of the universe.

The lack of very basic manners and social skills (that I would expect a child to be aware, let alone an adult) of some posters on this thread is astonishing.

This ,word for word …it’s basic manners ,that so many MN posters are lacking !

One of them was a reason. That's all that matters

She had a reason.

Expecting people to pause their own lives for you is rude.

It would have been nice if your son and daughter could have put their woes behind them for ten minutes if only to make their cousin feel the joy of her baby being cooed over, but this is not the worst case of thoughtlessness I've ever heard of. At least your other 3 showed good manners. 3 out of 5 isn't bad. But it's funny - your 2 oldest are the ones that sound like they might still have some maturing to do.

Bloody ridiculous to expect adults to socialise when they don't want to socialise. And ridiculous to expect kids to too, to be honest.

They didn't want to pop and say hello, neither were in the mood. Neither invited the cousin round themselves, neither are responsible for the cousin or their feelings. Heck, on top of that, it doesnt even sound like the cousin came expecting to see them - because they didn't even know they'd be there! Even without that it's weird for them to socialise when they don't want, even weirder with that fact.

They're not rude just because they didn't feel like socialising and didn't go say hello to a cousin they don't care about with a baby they're not bothered about.

Mumsnet is totally flipped to think it's somehow rude or wrong for people to not socialise when they demand they do. It's weird to want to control people like that. People calling the eldest kids childish - it's childish to play weird etiquette games that mean nothing and no one actually cares about (unless they have super boring lives with nothing bigger to worry about I guess?).

Lesve people alone, they're allowed to not want to be sociable at the drop of your fancy hat. Wow. You're the rude one (and that goes for everyone in this thread who are bashing the eldest kids).

Tbh is sounds reasonable eldest DS had no interest and didnt think about it. DD is having a hard time and maybe couldnt face it.

Woulda been better if they had, but I understand their reasons and id let it go