Adult children didn’t come down to meet their cousins baby

[AdEmRoJaAn]

Hi all, I have 5 children, DS are 25 and 22, DDs are 24, 19 and 17.

This weekend all 5 of them are staying at home as Friday night was my husbands birthday party.

Today my niece brought her 5 day old baby girl to come and meet us. My youngest 3 came downstairs and chatted, held baby etc. but my eldest 2 didn’t. DD is going through a break up and claims she was too tired as she didn’t really sleep last night and she doesn’t really like holding babies. DS said he just doesn’t get the hype but apologised. They were here for 3 hours so hardly like they didn’t have plenty of time to pop in.

AIBU to be absolutely raging that they were so bloody rude?

Well I'm glad they have each other. It reads like you care more about how perceived rudeness looks to your relative, than your daughter being devastated by a breakup and abortion.

Well that puts a different slant on things.
your poor DD. Lovely of your DS to sit with her.

A bit odd that your eldest two think they are a bit "above" your side of the family. Are these their full blood relatives? I'd understand if its a step cousin they aren't actually related to.

This changes things surely - was your DD supposed to be able to just stop crying and come and have a nice chat all blotchy faced with someone she doesn’t get on with? At least your son was sitting with her and she gets a bit of comfort from someone. I think crying in bed to the extent of needing someone to sit with her is a reasonable excuse and not something to get angry about

Rude behaviour on their part.

@GlobalFish thank you! Finally some sense on this thread.

How can you have visitors in the house who are your relatives and not come downstairs because you are tired / sad about a break up?

Manners are vanishing in this world.

But if you were dealing with a traumatic break up and a recent-ish termination? And your sibling wanted to stay with you because you were crying in bed? I’d say that takes precedence over being polite to a relative visiting with a new baby.

Because the daughter was busy crying her eyes out and her brother was sitting with her!

That puts rather a different complexion on things.

Not got much sympathy for your DD, then? FFS.

Shockingly poor behaviour from you, OP. Your daughter is devastated and your son was comforting her. That was more important than the cousin. At least he has his priorities straight; you just seem concerned about how you look to your extended family.

Is this cousin older than they are? If she’s older and in a different life stage then it’s not terribly unusual for them to not be interested. Or if she’s the same age but er, making different choices (having a baby very young instead of going to uni, for example). There are five of them. Not uncommon to not be close to cousins when you already have so many siblings.

It seems you misread the post. They aren’t a guest are they, it’s their childhood home.

Lovely to hear they are close. Aren’t you happy your DS was supporting your DD at this time

I think your DS got his priorities spot on

Ofcourse I’m worried about DD. But she is crying as her ex messaged her to tell her about some girl he met at a concert and is now going on a date with.
The obvious answer is to block him but she won’t!

Cousin is 20, so a bit younger than my eldest DC.

OP - when arranging the visit from your niece, did you stop to think whether your children would want to see her (or perhaps even ask them this) before deciding that the best time for the visit was while they were there?

As adults, it's up to them who they spend time with. If they don't like their cousin they shouldn't be forced to make small talk or feign interest in her baby.

Ah, that puts it in a rather different light, If ds were just bored or tired, that wouldn't be much of an excuse; but if he was looking after his heartbroken sister, that's actually a very good reason; and I would also think that if I were the guest.

Her upset might sound silly to you, but it’s very real for her and she needs support not eye rolling and rage because she didn’t come downstairs in the midst of her tears

They’re rude and self absorbed for sure. Sadly, it doesn’t seem to be out of the norm.

Because the DD was sobbing in her room and the DS was sitting with her to comfort her.

DS1 and DD1 were meant to go back to London yesterday. I wasn’t expecting them to be here today.

wildly rude….I would be livid

Yeah. Your concern for her positively drips from your posts 🙄

Livid that a brother stayed upstairs to comfort his sobbing sister, really?

Of course it's the same thing.

You don't have to like or get on with someone to show basic manners, say hello, chat for a minute or two then make your excuses, whether that's your cousin, your DH's mate or your MIL.

It’s not the same because if they were upstairs the cousins wouldn’t even have to know they are around. Much ruder to take yourself off making it obvious you don’t want to engage. But in either case, OPs updates show they weren’t being rude in the slightest and she’s wrong to be annoyed at them.

Well I think they were rude op. All this “they are adults and can choose how they spend their time” nonsense is the reason why society is like it is right now. Nobody wants to do anything for anyone, talk to anyone, be polite to anyone unless they have to. It’s really sad.

Congratulations on your new grand niece op. What a lovely thing!