Adult children didn’t come down to meet their cousins baby

[AdEmRoJaAn]

Hi all, I have 5 children, DS are 25 and 22, DDs are 24, 19 and 17.

This weekend all 5 of them are staying at home as Friday night was my husbands birthday party.

Today my niece brought her 5 day old baby girl to come and meet us. My youngest 3 came downstairs and chatted, held baby etc. but my eldest 2 didn’t. DD is going through a break up and claims she was too tired as she didn’t really sleep last night and she doesn’t really like holding babies. DS said he just doesn’t get the hype but apologised. They were here for 3 hours so hardly like they didn’t have plenty of time to pop in.

AIBU to be absolutely raging that they were so bloody rude?

Nope, not remotely rude to simply choose to stay away from people you have no interest in. If the OP wants to demand the price of compliance to her wants in order for her children to be allowed to stay with her, that's up to her, but it will bite her on the arse.

But it is terribly rude to try to force guests in your home to hang out with people they have no interest in, an abuse of the power dynamic in fact.

Not hanging out with the woman and her baby hurt nobody at all. Not remotely. It just doesn't matter. She is creating a drama and it won't end well.

are the children seen as "guests" in their own childhood home?

They were very rude to not come and talk to their cousin or at the very least say hi, congratulations. I’m sure no one would force them to hold a baby against their will- I have never been offended when family/friends haven’t want to actually hold any of my babies. I’d be mortified if my kids behaved that way tbh.

Yes, that is a troubling dynamic for sure. Imagine not being able to visit your mother, as an adult, without being instructed that you must hang out with relatives you don't like or have no interest in.

I wonder if she made them hug and kiss people they didn't want to touch when they were young too.

It sounds like the OP is annoyed that she feels her adult children not fawning over the niece and the baby made her look bad.

Anyway, I said what I had to say. Obviously, no sane person can pretend that just staying away from someone you don't like or have no interest in is rude. And everyone on mumsnet is all about boundaries except when they don't suit them personally.

Making a fuss about this will not end well for the OP. I feel really sorry for the two adult kids being harangued by their mother over absolutely nothing because she feels it might have tarnished her image with her niece.

I'll leave it at that and unwatch the thread.

I don’t understand why so many replies are focused on rudeness as opposed to concern about a young woman who is obviously going through a very difficult time in her life.

Leave them alone. Their cousin obviously means nothing to them.

I'll be the outlier.

A 5 day old baby doesn't need a ton of people meeting them. Their immune systems are not really kicking in yet. Is everybody hand washing and vaccinated?

Plus, your daughter's going through a rough time. Give her a break.

It's not like the baby is going to spoil.

Former NICU/PICU nurse who has seen an awful lot of readmits from home due to catching serious stuff from visitors.

I would excuse dd given her current crisis. Less excuse for ds.

If they don’t have a close relationship I don’t see why you would expect them to show an interest. Three of your DC did so the family was represented and a fuss was made of the new baby. Don’t see the problem.

Yes, that is a troubling dynamic for sure. Imagine not being able to visit your mother, as an adult, without being instructed that you must hang out with relatives you don't like or have no interest in.

Imagine being a grown adult in your twenties and hiding away in your room like a teenager instead of saying hello to your cousin for five minutes.

Embarrassing.

Leave your daughter alone. She’s had an abortion and currently going through a breakup. She doesn’t want to see her cousin and her baby. She probably doesn’t even like her cousin!!

Really rude.

You should have shouted them to come and say hi.

They sound deeply self absorbed.

I would probably leave it on this occasion. If it was every single time I would say something

Actually why didn’t you call them to say hi? Surely they’d have come down if asked?

Sorry, that was to the OP!

Leave your daughter alone. She’s had an abortion and currently going through a breakup. She doesn’t want to see her cousin and her baby. She probably doesn’t even like her cousin!!

This. A new baby probably reminds her of all she's lost. Have some compassion.

Rude to not come and say hi to their cousin. I’d be very unimpressed with them.

Hard agree!

also I have a newborn and don’t blame anyone for not being interested in a new baby. They get plenty of attention and they don’t need everyone to say hi

Gosh classic MN. Here on planet earth it's completely rude not to wave hello at a cousin and her baby at your house. Completely self centered behaviour.

Very rude to not even pop down to say congratulations and say hello

If I was staying with someone and they decided to "read me the riot act", I'd pack my bags and leave, and I wouldn't stay with them again.

DD is struggling after a breakup and has had an abortion a year or so ago and
DS1 doesn’t particularly like the cousin

So one probably couldn’t cope and the other isn’t close to the cousin with the baby.
Given that your other kids did see their cousin I wouldn’t be that bothered as adults they can make their own choices and it seems they have.

How rude!

However, even though I can see how you're their parent and you brought them up so you're embarrassed, their bad manners are their responsibility.

Especially 22 and 25 year old lads.

I think that's very rude when all they had to do was walk downstairs and say hello.

I don't think it's unusual with how anti-social a lot of people are today.