Annoyed with mum bringing sibling to playdates

[Isitreallysohard]

My DC is almost 4 and has made a new friend so we have arranged a few playdates. Its starting to annoy me as the mum is bringing the older sibling, and not letting me know beforehand. The whole point of playdates to me is for the kids to bond 1:1, not to mention her DC is very shy so the sibling dominates. AIBU to say the sibling shouldn't always tag along. None of the other parents do this on playdates.

Is mum staying or dropping off?

Of course she has to bring the other sibling - what else do you expect her to do with them? She can hardly just drop her 3 year old off and go.

Buy she could do something with the 7yo? All the other parents manage?

This makes me nervous because I have two kids and I’m a single mum and I always have to take both because there’s nowhere for the other one to go. So far other mums have seemed gracious about it but I hope they’re not seething inside!

Try and be a bit more understanding about their situation!

It all depends if the mum is staying or dropping off.

This - yabvu op

Edit, she may be with a partner but lack childcare

People's lives are different

But this isn't a single mum. The playdate is usually in the weekends. And it's every time and I'm given no warning.

Only you know her situation and whether she has options to ‘do something’ with her elder child. Some parents don’t have options. There’s just them and no one to have the other child.
They shouldn’t be turning up with them without warning though. She should ask.

This completely depends if the mum is staying or dropping off. If she's staying, it would be courteous to mention it but it's likely she has no other childcare options. If she is dropping off, she is being a CF.

Are you offering a drop and run type play date, or expecting her to stay?

You haven't answered the question if she drops off or stays.

YABU. It isn't always as straightforward as "finding something to do with them". It's a 7 year old child, not a dog! We have no family locally and would struggle to find appropriate childcare for one child. Though as a parent, I would manage the behaviour to make sure the older one wasn't dominating.

She wants to stay with her 4 year old. She has to bring her other child. You may be fine with her leaving her 4 year old with you but it doesn't sound like she wants to which is up to her. If you don't want her other child in your house don't invite the younger child over until they are older and can come without a parent.

I don't mind if she drops off tbh, but her DC is so shy, which I assume is because they have zero independence from their sibling

But wouldn't you coordinate so the older one that can be dropped off also has a playdate with their friend?

I wouldn’t take my elder son to a play date for my younger son. Granted I have and husband and two grans who will watch older son.

if I did need to bring him I’d let the person know to give them the option of rescheduling or continuing.

Does the partner work weekends? Mine does, so I'd have nowhere to keep DD1 if DD2 went to a playdate. No relatives etc and I'd surely not get a babysitter so DD2 can have a playdate without her sibling haha.

I gather from your post you only have one child OP and lack perspective.

This sounds like a first child attitude and should you ever have a second you might facepalm in remembrance.

If you want just the two of them together ask the Mum to just drop and go but don’t be rude about it.

I wouldn’t be able to just ‘do something’ with one of my kids. We can’t just leave them with a passerby on the street you know.

I think this is why it has annoyed me because the very first one, at the last minute she asked if she could bring the older one so I could hardly say no and now it's happened every other time

How many playdates has it been? Tbh if you didn't say anything the first time why do you think she would suddenly change? She obviously assumed you didn't mind, she isn't a mind reader

I can’t imagine being this tightly wound about a couple of kids.

Unless it’s with my best friend I make it very clear that play dates are for the child and the parent isn’t staying

Stop inviting them for playmates then and find someone else.

That’s quite a stretch!

You only have one child i take it op?