Annoyed with mum bringing sibling to playdates

[Isitreallysohard]

My DC is almost 4 and has made a new friend so we have arranged a few playdates. Its starting to annoy me as the mum is bringing the older sibling, and not letting me know beforehand. The whole point of playdates to me is for the kids to bond 1:1, not to mention her DC is very shy so the sibling dominates. AIBU to say the sibling shouldn't always tag along. None of the other parents do this on playdates.

I didn't use to care much about playdates either but changed my mind about this recently. I've noticed that this does seem to deepen their little relationships

When my girls were younger , they’re 17 & 14 now , I always brought the 2 together , as in when F was smaller & I stayed at the play date with her , & R was always with me too, & same was done at my house with play dates, moms & siblings 🤷🏻‍♀️..
None of us ever minded, & everything always went off great , kids happy out with the company & same with us moms 😊

Most parents would not drop at 4 y.o off for a play date, unless it was their sibling or very close friend of the parents.
Yabu and selfish. Your DC can learn to play with different children, including shy children. Your DC doesn't have to be the main character.

If the play date child is being dropped off it is unreasonable for her to also leave the sibling with you.

If she stays it is unreasonable to expect her to be able to arrange somewhere else to leave the sibling.

It depends on the play date.

"Let's meet at the park/ trampoline park"...I'm bringing the sibling!

But at someone's house I would ask (if staying) or if the other parent is taking them somewhere, then obviously no.

My DC are two years apart and this is very normal in my circle, the more the merrier!

Why is it so vital that they have 1 to 1 time? They are 4. Does your DC enjoy the play dates?
Personally I think it's nice for kids,and good for them, to play with groups of kids of varying ages and siblings of friends are a good way of finding this -IF the children all get on.
So if this stray sibling means your DC is unhappy because they do want to just play with younger child, then you need a solution. If they are happy then it seems as if it is your issue - you have a specific idea of what you want from the play dates and it's not happening. Not saying you can't want a particular thing but if this little group works then I would look first the 1to1in no addition and somewhere else!

I don't think they need it at this age. With respect, I think your expectations are a bit full on. Kids this age can be quite fickle with their friendships. If these are nursery class children, once they go into reception, you'll probably find that they mix and make different friends.

The sibling is the main character, thats the main issue, did you not read the OP?

Why are you so keen for your kid to have ‘one on one time’ at the grand old age of three? Especially with a child who you say is ‘shy’ so doesn’t sound like a very fun playmate!

You say you do other play dates so what’s the issue? Just stop inviting them and invite one of the others who don’t piss you off! I don’t get the angst.

Tbh my DC isn't unhappy, most of the time they'll paly with the older sibling as the other is quite shy so it just seems all a bit pointless that's all

Ok but you don’t know their situation vs this other parent do you. The number of kids is irrelevant really. Could be 2, could be 5. My husband works weekends so I always have to take both kids to play dates where I stay.

OP, your DC is three years old.
You talk about the importance of 1 to 1 time to strengthen their friendship, but at this age that seems more important to you than your DC.
They are still at nursery age!

YANBU if she is dropping her child off.

but you are very unreasonable if she’s staying.

YANBU about wanting to know whether she’ll bring the older sibling (even if she is staying). But why not just ask? (and accept the answer that she’ll have to bring both if she’s staying)

To be honest OP, you don’t seem very nice

They are 4, they don't have deep relationships with friends nor do they need them, they just have fun. You really shouldn't be this invested in a 4 year olds friendships and if you continue to be so invested it will likely be to the detriment of your child. They need to learn to develop friendships themselves organically.

What? Why is that pointless? Sounds like your DC is happy and gets to play with somebody they clearly like / enjoy playing with…

Well you either make it clear that you indend her to drop off her four year old, but she may not be okay with that yet. It's still quite young to be left in someone else's house when you don't know them really well. Or you suck it up. She can't just find childcare for her other child so she can bring her other child to a one on one playdate.

Do this other mother a favour and stop inviting her and her child
I expect she'll have plenty of other more tolerant parents to hang out with

They're almost 4. I said earlier I wasn't really bothered with playdates until someone else talked about it so I started to make an effort and I've noticed it does seem to strengthen their friendships when they spend 1:1 time together

Don't invite them to the house then, meet outside and leave after an hour if it bothers you that much. You sound like hard work.

The shy child, is not going to suddenly change without the sibling, maybe he feels more secure with the sibling around. You are trying to push an unnatural relationship between two different children.
Does your DC enjoy the older siblings company? Sounds like he does.

If you have a second child, you're going to look back on this and realise how stupidly you've behaved.

She should let you know before the playdates that the older dc would be coming along.

Now you know she has form for it, I would double check when organising playdates.

You're being ridiculous!
If your child enjoys playing with the older one, what is the problem?
It's how younger children learn things - playing with older children.