Annoyed with mum bringing sibling to playdates

[Isitreallysohard]

My DC is almost 4 and has made a new friend so we have arranged a few playdates. Its starting to annoy me as the mum is bringing the older sibling, and not letting me know beforehand. The whole point of playdates to me is for the kids to bond 1:1, not to mention her DC is very shy so the sibling dominates. AIBU to say the sibling shouldn't always tag along. None of the other parents do this on playdates.

Alone? For hours?

No. OP

Really your 7 year old doesn't play for an hour or so by themselves?

@Isitreallysohard

Is this your first child?

You are being so incredibly judgey.

Well she can hardly leave a 7yo home alone so if she has no childcare she has to bring them. Maybe suggest meeting up at a playground where there’s a mixture of things for different ages.

Unless she has asked if the 7 year old can also come then YANBU. A play date isn’t to offload children only, its is for the children who are friends to spend time together. You haven’t agreed to look after the older child, and they will like you said dominate and ruin this bonding time.

So either you have an extremely mature 7 year old or none at all.

My 8 year old doesn’t.

This is a wind up surely.

Good lord, of course not home alone. The father is home. Everyone seems to have very selective reading today

Are you suggesting that a 7 year old needs to play alone for an hour so your 3 year old can play with their sibling?

Maybe find a new friend with no siblings for you child so that you can gain what you want from the playdates

If you expect the mum to stay and it's not during the school day then of course she might bring her older child
Not everyone has someone to leave their children with.

Is your child your PFB by any chance OP?

but where is the parent in this scenario, if the younger one is on a playdate?

Imagine all these comments being made by op about this woman and as far as the woman is concerned shes just turned up a few play dates with her both her kids and the kids played together and it just wasn't that deep for her...

They are unpredictable creatures. Mine can focus on something for ages if it interests them, but it's not a given and 7yos can also be clingy in strange houses in a way that manifests itself in annoying and sometimes boisterous behaviour. They can also get a bit unsure of themselves or embarrassed in a way that makes them stick close to their mum or a younger child.

It's odd because they seem so huge and so much more mature than younger children, but I find 7yos still need quite a lot of support.

At the very least, she should have the courtesy to ask whether it is okay if she brings the elder sibling.
It's just bad manners turning up with an extra/unexpected kid in tow.

It boggles the mind.

It never occurred to me to ask people’s permission to take my kids to the park in case they feel their child isn’t getting sufficient 1:1 time with my 3 year old

Oh wow OP, I’m guessing this is your pfb! 3 years old and you expect exclusive 1 to 1 friendships and play dates .. you really have a lot to learn. As for the “her DC is so shy, which I assume is because they have zero independence from their sibling” comment - that’s quite offensive actually - you’re assuming an awful lot here. Good luck as your dc grows up.

YANBU. You aren't a creche.

I find this really bizarre tbh. I wouldn't expect the 7 yo to be joining in with 3/4 yo's at their own home. I honestly find that really weird and don't know anyone else who does this. I'm also shocked that a 7 yo can't play by themselves for an hour or so, that says alot.

@Isitreallysohard you are deluded if you think 7 year olds don't need supervision.

Some of these replies are baffling. I have 3 kids and at no point did I ever bring along a sibling to a playdate. Siblings don’t have to be tied at the hip, it’s healthy to have time apart and establish their own friendships. I would enjoy having 1:1 with my other child during this time but then again I’ve always periodically spent individual time with my children as I feel it’s important they get my undivided attention - I once had a mum so bemused when she heard every now and then I’d treat one of the kids to a cafe trip etc - she’d never thought of spending time with her kids alone! (I understand this is not so easy if you are a single parent).

And that’s fine that’s your choice. Same as OP has the choice to not invite this parent/child to play anymore.

its your child that potentially misses out but again thats completely your decision.

That's fair. I was talking about the 7yo on their own home.

Answer the question again when your child is 7.
Seven year olds don't entertain themselves for hours on end without needing some interaction from an adult!