Annoyed with mum bringing sibling to playdates

[Isitreallysohard]

My DC is almost 4 and has made a new friend so we have arranged a few playdates. Its starting to annoy me as the mum is bringing the older sibling, and not letting me know beforehand. The whole point of playdates to me is for the kids to bond 1:1, not to mention her DC is very shy so the sibling dominates. AIBU to say the sibling shouldn't always tag along. None of the other parents do this on playdates.

You don’t need an “invite” to go to the park or soft play.

3 is to young for proper play dates. We tended to more hang around with family and friends at this age so obviously siblings where there the proper playdates would happen when they where school age and would go to a friends after school have some tea and id pick them up later. I dont know what you expect the mum to do with her other kid. Because I wouldn't be willing to pay for childcare to go on a 3 year olds play date

Actually, I think if you have just one other child then it's quite bad form to take them to soft play if your other child has been invited there, especially for a party. Yes you are entitled to pay for an extra ticket and take your other child in, but unless they have their own friends or other siblings with them then they are TOTALLY going to latch onto the party group and that's just rude and awkard.

This sort of coordination takes a lot of effort and luck. I think you're being a bit mean and precious. Suck it up. Maybe your kid will benefit from the interaction with an older kid.

It’s not a party. Anyone can go to soft play areas.

Agreed

That’s incredibly controlling. Unclench

And to add, it would be perfectly likely that if you turn up with your three year old to play with someone else’s three year old, they’ll show zero interest in playing with each other and go off on their own or make new friends.

Because that’s what three year olds do.

OMG yes! I was thinking exactly this. You really are thinking too much about it OP. It's just normal mum life at weekends!

I’m with you on this. She could use the time to have one on one with her child for a little while. Having the other sibling there changes the dynamics of the play date.

It’s not OP’s job to make other parents lives easier.

She should just invite other dc for
playdates instead of this one.

I think you’re being unreasonable. But if you don’t like it, stop hanging out with her.

I'd have zero issue with that, and my DS has played with older children at nursery in the past. However, it's been a 1-2 year age gap and it's happened organically.
At his current age of 3, it never works when the kids are 3 or more years older than him, and we frequently come across kids of around 6-7 yrs old at our local playground.
They tend to just want to boss my DS around, or try to show off to me that they can do XYZ piece of equipment better than my DS. This just upsets my DS, and he always asks to move to something else in the playground.
In the school my child will go to, reception age kids have an entirely separate playground from the rest of the kids, and I think this makes a lot of sense.

I don’t understand why you act surprised and need warning, when you say she does it every time. Be proactive in advance and just ask her to drop off your child’s friend.
Have to say though, you don’t actually sound very nice.

@UpLateDoomScrolling

No the PFB comments are because the OP @Isitreallysohard seems to have no self awareness whatsoever outside of her own limited one child experience (limited because she has not yet parented a 7 year old, not because she has 1 child).

She has made so many assumptions:

The dad is home - ok but what if he is not able to look after the 7yo because he is doing other important tasks in their home? Maybe he is ill? Maybe he has the children on the other weekend day so this is his day "off"?

Then she describes the 7 year old as "domineering" and the reason why the younger one is shy. How rude!

She makes huge assumptions about what 7 year olds can do unsupervised - her reply to me was so mocking "oh so your 7 year old can't play unsupervised for an hour?". Assumptive, and rude again. Children don't develop on some sort of linear trajectory based on their age.

OP has one child and that is her decision. The other mother has 2 and that is her decision. If OP wants exclusive, 1-1 play dates where her child is the main character then this is the wrong family to choose.

She should stop judging the other mother and just choose people who fit her precious play date model.

If she really wanted this to work she could actually talk to the mother and maybe say something like "I'd like to take the 2 little ones to xxx - do you to think your younger one would be comfortable to be dropped off or taken to xxx place? I've made arrangements for the 2 little ones."

Also can I just say these kids are under 4! The expectations are mad.

Personally, I wouldn't drop and run a shy under 4. Ergo I have to tag along. Ergo I can't put my older one in a bin on the way. This is obvious surely.

Way too much intensity around the perfect playdate and horrible judgements made from someone with limited information and/or experience of the juggling and of how older children present.

@Isitreallysohard - your DC will be 7 too one day you know.

OP, what do you do if a child comes and doesn’t sufficiently participate in the 1:1 experience of play?
What if they go off and do their own thing?
What if they make friends with a different kid in the park?