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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed my DH invited his friend around at 11pm?

176 replies

Namechangeagainnn · 06/07/2025 09:01

Me and DH both keep telling each other how exhausted we are. I keep falling asleep in the day (at work even…) and am going through medical assessment at the moment. DH is exhausted too, falling asleep when our 3yo naps (which I dont begrudge him at all!!).

yesterday we took dc to his grandmas for the afternoon and ended up staying until 730ish. By the time we got home it was 9pm. Got dc ready for bed, and told each other how tired we were. It’s DHs sisters birthday tomorrow so I had to nip out to the supermarket to get a card and a bottle of wine for her. Got back around 945, and was told by DH that his friend was “popping by” for an hour.

It annoyed me massively. Firstly because we only have a few hours as a “couple” in the evening, also because we’re both exhausted and also because I wasn’t asked I was told. I did say I’m really tired is it ok if he comes tomorrow? He said no he’s on his way he’ll be 30 minutes. He arrived 5 minutes later.

I chatted nicely because I’m not going to be rude to him, and DH was being overly nice, whenever I went in the kitchen he followed and said “shall we watch a new series tonight” or being over complimentary to me in front of his friend which he never usually is.

He needed to cook his dinner when his friend left so didn’t get to bed until midnight.

aibu to think I should have been asked? Late night visits seems really intrusive, I have zero problem with his friends coming over in the day, him going out with his friends… he goes out with his friends a lot which is completely fine to me.

YABU - it’s his house too he can do what he wants

YANBU - he should have asked you before he asked his friend over

OP posts:
Smoothout · 06/07/2025 09:02

Once in a blue moon?

never happened before?

Merryoldgoat · 06/07/2025 09:03

Why did you stay up? I’d have just gone to bed.

Batbrown · 06/07/2025 09:03

Not the point but why are you popping out to buy DHs sister a present. Why can’t he do that? It’s his sister after all.

Smoothout · 06/07/2025 09:04

This reply has been deleted

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Maray1967 · 06/07/2025 09:04

I got stuck at that too - why didn’t HE go out for HIS sister’s gift?!!!

m00rfarm · 06/07/2025 09:04

It IS his house as well, you know? And maybe if you had a friend over at 9am, it would upset him. But, it IS your house as well. A bit of give and take for a once in a blue moon event. And he was clearly appreciative of your kindness as a host.

ZenNudist · 06/07/2025 09:04

Friend comes round on Saturday night shocker! Seriously? YABU

Smoothout · 06/07/2025 09:05

If he’d asked
you’d have said no
Clearly this has not happened before and is a one off
let it go

Namechangeagainnn · 06/07/2025 09:07

This reply has been deleted

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Because it would have been perceived as rude?

OP posts:
RaininSummer · 06/07/2025 09:07

Sounds like as a couple you need to be a bit more organised tbh. Having to pop out for the present when you had already been out and perhaps could have picked if up then or earlier in the week for instance. And cooking his dinner late at night once friend left seems crazy.

Cracklingsilverwear · 06/07/2025 09:10

Lovely to see you Bob - been a hectic day so I’m heading up to bed. Night night.

Leave them to it. Not rude at all if you are tired!

Pippa12 · 06/07/2025 09:10

I’d of just gone to bed? Your DH’s friend came to see him (after being invited) not you.

The13thFairy · 06/07/2025 09:13

Coming over so late for such a short time - I'm wondering, could he have been delivering something?

Namechangeagainnn · 06/07/2025 09:14

it’s not “once in a blue moon” really. This friend pops over quite a lot in the evenings usually after a night out to smoke weed with my DH. He’s also coming over this morning to see my DH, so I don’t understand why he also had to come last night.

OP posts:
CoastalCalm · 06/07/2025 09:15

I’d have just gone to bed , sitting with two stoned men doesn’t appeal to me at all

Namechangeagainnn · 06/07/2025 09:15

Maray1967 · 06/07/2025 09:04

I got stuck at that too - why didn’t HE go out for HIS sister’s gift?!!!

It would never have been bought if I didn’t go to get it. I was informed when we got back that his sister was coming over tomorrow and so I had to go as he was “too tired” to go to the shop

OP posts:
Smoothout · 06/07/2025 09:16

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MemorableTrenchcoat · 06/07/2025 09:16

Namechangeagainnn · 06/07/2025 09:14

it’s not “once in a blue moon” really. This friend pops over quite a lot in the evenings usually after a night out to smoke weed with my DH. He’s also coming over this morning to see my DH, so I don’t understand why he also had to come last night.

That’s quite a dripfeed.

Batbrown · 06/07/2025 09:17

Namechangeagainnn · 06/07/2025 09:14

it’s not “once in a blue moon” really. This friend pops over quite a lot in the evenings usually after a night out to smoke weed with my DH. He’s also coming over this morning to see my DH, so I don’t understand why he also had to come last night.

I’m not getting into the weed discussion, that’s another thread and irrelevant. But why shouldn’t your husband have friends over later? This doesn’t affect you. Just go to bed if you’re tired. I’m still curious as to why your husband didn’t buy his sister his own present though.

PeloMom · 06/07/2025 09:17

It’s not rude when someone YOU didn’t invite comes over at such an unsociable hour. I wouldn’t have even bothered to say hello. Would have gone to bed and had an earlier night.

KnewYearKnewMe · 06/07/2025 09:17

@Namechangeagainnn

is that the point really then? That your DH’s friend comes over to bring and smoke weed?

because that would also piss me off and be something I wouldn’t have with kids around (or at all, really).

Swiftie1878 · 06/07/2025 09:17

PeloMom · 06/07/2025 09:17

It’s not rude when someone YOU didn’t invite comes over at such an unsociable hour. I wouldn’t have even bothered to say hello. Would have gone to bed and had an earlier night.

Same.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 06/07/2025 09:18

Why didn't you just go to bed?

And you could have gone out to get the present this morning unless you were seeing the sister at 8am

Maray1967 · 06/07/2025 09:18

Namechangeagainnn · 06/07/2025 09:15

It would never have been bought if I didn’t go to get it. I was informed when we got back that his sister was coming over tomorrow and so I had to go as he was “too tired” to go to the shop

And you went?!!!!!

My DH knows full well what my response to that would have been. Half the street would have heard it.

This bloke is a total piss taker.

Batbrown · 06/07/2025 09:19

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 06/07/2025 09:18

Why didn't you just go to bed?

And you could have gone out to get the present this morning unless you were seeing the sister at 8am

Or the husband could have sorted it.

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