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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be annoyed my DH invited his friend around at 11pm?

176 replies

Namechangeagainnn · 06/07/2025 09:01

Me and DH both keep telling each other how exhausted we are. I keep falling asleep in the day (at work even…) and am going through medical assessment at the moment. DH is exhausted too, falling asleep when our 3yo naps (which I dont begrudge him at all!!).

yesterday we took dc to his grandmas for the afternoon and ended up staying until 730ish. By the time we got home it was 9pm. Got dc ready for bed, and told each other how tired we were. It’s DHs sisters birthday tomorrow so I had to nip out to the supermarket to get a card and a bottle of wine for her. Got back around 945, and was told by DH that his friend was “popping by” for an hour.

It annoyed me massively. Firstly because we only have a few hours as a “couple” in the evening, also because we’re both exhausted and also because I wasn’t asked I was told. I did say I’m really tired is it ok if he comes tomorrow? He said no he’s on his way he’ll be 30 minutes. He arrived 5 minutes later.

I chatted nicely because I’m not going to be rude to him, and DH was being overly nice, whenever I went in the kitchen he followed and said “shall we watch a new series tonight” or being over complimentary to me in front of his friend which he never usually is.

He needed to cook his dinner when his friend left so didn’t get to bed until midnight.

aibu to think I should have been asked? Late night visits seems really intrusive, I have zero problem with his friends coming over in the day, him going out with his friends… he goes out with his friends a lot which is completely fine to me.

YABU - it’s his house too he can do what he wants

YANBU - he should have asked you before he asked his friend over

OP posts:
Woodfiresareamazing · 15/04/2026 17:50

Namechangeagainnn · 08/07/2025 16:10

You’re wrong sorry.

No, they're not wrong.

Your DH invited his weed-smoking buddy over late in the evening without running it by you first, and knowing you were exhausted.

In those circumstances, you are absolutely not under any obligation to stay up and play host - that's on your DH.

Sounds like he and his friend support each other in their drug use, and reinforce for each other that it's normal - it's not.

Next time, OP, just go to bed and leave them to it.

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