To be annoyed my DH invited his friend around at 11pm?

[Namechangeagainnn]

Me and DH both keep telling each other how exhausted we are. I keep falling asleep in the day (at work even…) and am going through medical assessment at the moment. DH is exhausted too, falling asleep when our 3yo naps (which I dont begrudge him at all!!).

yesterday we took dc to his grandmas for the afternoon and ended up staying until 730ish. By the time we got home it was 9pm. Got dc ready for bed, and told each other how tired we were. It’s DHs sisters birthday tomorrow so I had to nip out to the supermarket to get a card and a bottle of wine for her. Got back around 945, and was told by DH that his friend was “popping by” for an hour.

It annoyed me massively. Firstly because we only have a few hours as a “couple” in the evening, also because we’re both exhausted and also because I wasn’t asked I was told. I did say I’m really tired is it ok if he comes tomorrow? He said no he’s on his way he’ll be 30 minutes. He arrived 5 minutes later.

I chatted nicely because I’m not going to be rude to him, and DH was being overly nice, whenever I went in the kitchen he followed and said “shall we watch a new series tonight” or being over complimentary to me in front of his friend which he never usually is.

He needed to cook his dinner when his friend left so didn’t get to bed until midnight.

aibu to think I should have been asked? Late night visits seems really intrusive, I have zero problem with his friends coming over in the day, him going out with his friends… he goes out with his friends a lot which is completely fine to me.

YABU - it’s his house too he can do what he wants

YANBU - he should have asked you before he asked his friend over

I think you have to from some balls here - 1 is manners are not something to preserve at all costs- if someone wants to come over after 9pm and you didn’t invite them, go to bed. ‘I’ll see you in the morning weird friend who’s coming around tonight and tomorrow morning, goodnight’. 2 is stop putting time and energy into covering for your dh. His sister doesn’t get a present should be the outcome of the scenario you describe. ‘Oh ok well we won’t have anything for her then, you will have to explain you forgot and then you were too tired.’

*drop

It’s polite to have asked but he shouldn’t have to unless it affects you, which it didn’t.

I’m confused as to why you being exhausted had anything to do with this.

Its up to him if he wants to stay up late with his friend.
You could have easily just gone to bed.

well don't worry about that - it is rude going to someone's house at that time, rude not to check with your wife first anyway. So they were rude to you

It’s DHs sisters birthday tomorrow so I had to nip out to the supermarket to get a card and a bottle of wine for her.

No. No. No. you didn't. One of the needless tasks that you don't ever have to do. (you are in the UK? you could have done that today anyway. Or he could.)

Because it's a relationship thing, I have tosort all the presents out for EVERYONE.

No, you don't HAVE to sort presents for everyone.

You do your side, he does his side, and anyone from his side who complains about lack of effort gets directed to complain to him.

Yabu, I'd've just said Hi, I'm very tired so I'm heading to bed . Please don't make too much noise & wake me.
and been out of there.

I thought this, too. Let him fetch his own family cards and gifts, you aren't his PA.

You are martyring yourself for someone who just doesn't care.

I keep a stock of neutral cards in the house so I can write them in an emergency.

i wouldn’t have gone out to buy the present.
i would have gone to bed.

i think you may put too much importance on what other people think and not prioritise yourself. Say no to others more often.

Yup. Ops excuse was the sister wouldnt get a present. And? He should take responsibility. He can manage to get his weed order in fine.

Lucky he wasn’t too tired to remember to buy drugs.

You say he was being extra nice, following you around and he’s not usually like that. Is he only like this when he’s been on the weed? Does he do anything else apart from weed?

Why didn’t you just go to bed? Why hadn’t he eaten dinner already, that’s just absurd. He sounds utterly disorganised. Look after yourself better.

It’s his house too

Weed? Urghhhhh.

No wonder they’re all exhausted. All stoned 🙈

It’s all so absurd. Do you even comprehend the word exhausted? You are both soooo exhausted, but you go out to get a present late, has a friend over to do some drugs, cook dinner at midnight and then talk about maybe watching a new series. Neither of you are exhausted.

What a catch OP. Not.

Raise your standards!!

It is not normal to smoke weed every night. Not normal to have guests over at 11pm when you have a small child and not listen if you say you are too tired. Not normal to be too tired to get his sister a present and expect you to go out to the shop at 9.45pm. You and your child deserve way better. I don’t even understand the whole making dinner at midnight thing, WTF?! Kick this giant man baby out.

Oh that might explain your DH feels so tired, if he's smoking weed regularly it will take a lot longer to leave his system.
Did you stay up to smoke weed with them or to try and put them off having a joint?

So, your husband is calling the shots on all of this.

lol so it’s ok to have randoms come round at 11pm smoking weed, with a 3 year old in the house asleep. Bet social services would share the same view 😉

I’ll let the neurologist know that you’ve let me know I’m not exhausted then, thanks!

No I didn’t smoke weed with them.

No it’s not allowed in the house. I tell them to go outside at the end of the garden.

No I can’t go the shop in the morning when I’m sorting out dc. I’d rather go when she’s asleep and I can run in and out.

and I’m not letting DSIL turn up to nothing because DH can’t be bothered

I like wine, but a bottle of wine as a birthday present is a bit shit.

You do that. And don’t forget to tell them that you take absolute no responsibility to do anything about it either.