To be annoyed my DH invited his friend around at 11pm?

[Namechangeagainnn]

Me and DH both keep telling each other how exhausted we are. I keep falling asleep in the day (at work even…) and am going through medical assessment at the moment. DH is exhausted too, falling asleep when our 3yo naps (which I dont begrudge him at all!!).

yesterday we took dc to his grandmas for the afternoon and ended up staying until 730ish. By the time we got home it was 9pm. Got dc ready for bed, and told each other how tired we were. It’s DHs sisters birthday tomorrow so I had to nip out to the supermarket to get a card and a bottle of wine for her. Got back around 945, and was told by DH that his friend was “popping by” for an hour.

It annoyed me massively. Firstly because we only have a few hours as a “couple” in the evening, also because we’re both exhausted and also because I wasn’t asked I was told. I did say I’m really tired is it ok if he comes tomorrow? He said no he’s on his way he’ll be 30 minutes. He arrived 5 minutes later.

I chatted nicely because I’m not going to be rude to him, and DH was being overly nice, whenever I went in the kitchen he followed and said “shall we watch a new series tonight” or being over complimentary to me in front of his friend which he never usually is.

He needed to cook his dinner when his friend left so didn’t get to bed until midnight.

aibu to think I should have been asked? Late night visits seems really intrusive, I have zero problem with his friends coming over in the day, him going out with his friends… he goes out with his friends a lot which is completely fine to me.

YABU - it’s his house too he can do what he wants

YANBU - he should have asked you before he asked his friend over

Then she doesn’t get a present and you say why - so sorry SIL, your DB didn’t go and buy anything

And he smokes weed. Well, there you go.

OP, he is a total waste of space.

gotta love an op who doesn’t get the responses she wants and so throws in a exaggerated drip

I think YANBU. It is intrusive and seemed a bit unnecessary.

I can already see from the tone of some of the replies that you’re gonna get an (unwarranted ) hard time on this. Better get your hard hat on.

Really weird and intrusive - what was he coming around for? Why did you DH not get his own gift (and a bottle of wine is a bit crappy last minute). Definitely lots of issues going on

Gotta love a poster who stalks the responses to keep having a go 🤣

Is this a regular occurrence? Was the friend having a crisis or something?! I'm not sure why someone would invite a friend over at 11 pm. I certainly wouldn't, and neither would my husband, unless there was an emergency. It's not usual to visit people at that time of night either! Why did the friend need to come then, surely a more appropriate time, could have been found? I wonder if the friend was bringing your husband something??? Your husband didn't ask you for the simple reason, that he knew you'd say no. He wanted his friend to visit then, so didn't discuss it with you, he announced it. As the friend turned up 5 minutes after telling you, the friend was either closer to your home that your husband thought, or your husband had discussed this earlier with his friend.

They smoke dope together…

They hardly “stalked” your response, you posted it on this thread.

It’s Sunday morning

Sounds like you are exhausted from doing stuff your DH could and should do, and he is exhausted from staying up smoking weed. Are they smoking inside the house?

I just wouldn’t do this. If I was shattered and it was late at night and my boyfriend suddenly told me out of the blue that his sister was coming tomorrow, so I needed to go out to buy her some wine, I’d just…say no. I’d tell him to go himself.

Also re the main point of your post, more fool you for just not going to bed if you were that exhausted. It sounds like you’re such a doormat to your partner.

Ah well, if your husband and his mate smoke weed together, then my guess is the friend was bringing a stash of weed for your husband. I would perhaps be questioning if weed is all your husband is taking?

You were tired too and it's his sister, not yours. Stop stepping up when he can't be bothered. His family will probably give him the credit for buying the gift, not you.

YABU, if you’re so exhausted you’re falling asleep even at work then by 9:45 you’re surely in bed anyway and therefore it makes zero difference to you whether he has a guest over or not.

Why does he need to ask your permission to have a friend over?

Why didn't you just go to bed OP?

You were tired, fine, go to bed.

He was tired, chose to stay up with his friend, that's his problem.

I’d be pissed off at a number of things , but highest on the list would be smoking weed (or anything else) in a household with young children.

You both seem to spend time telling each other how exhausted /tired you both are but both your actions don't stack up.
You're tired but go out for HIS sisters birthday present - why?? His problem if she doesn't get a card /present. Stop being his PA.
He's tired but invites his mate round, then cooks dinner late, going to bed at midnight.
If you are both that tired just go to bed and sleep. It comes across like a who is the tiredest competition.

I would hate to have to ask permission to have someone over. Unless they were being noisy I don’t understand how it affected you. Sounds very controlling, who made you the gatekeeper?

It isn't rude to go to bed when someone comes over after your bedtime to smoke weed.

Did they smoke it inside?

I think he can have a mate round and you can bow out as suits you. It’s up to him to sort the drinks, snacks and tidy up after himself, no biggie.

I’d be far less keen on him and his mate doing weed in my house with a 3yo sleeping, and I wouldn’t be sympathetic to him being tired the next day as he needs to suck up the consequence of his own actions.

If he isn’t too tired to have a friend round he wasn’t too tired to go the shops. And if he was then it’s his sis, his problem - he could have transferred her a voucher/deliveroo credit or whatever if he really cba.

Practically what can you/do you want to do? Maybe say Sundays after 5 are for you two to chill only? Take turns to take to grandparents so youre both not on duty? Dh meets his dsis out at a park with your dc so you can have a nap?

Had your husband ran out of weed and couldn't manage without it? Is this really the lifestyle you want?

Agitated? Because she responded to you in exactly the same vein as your reply to her?

Not sure why you’ve taken against the OP and feel the need to try to provoke, but it’s not a good look…