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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DSD going to Wimbledon and a concert instead of my mums funeral

587 replies

GillieLo · 04/07/2025 21:12

My mum passed recently, this wasn’t a shock as she had been ill for a while but none the less we are devastated.

I have 2 bio children and DSD who has been in my life for 8 years, she was friendly with my mum and my mum has left her just as much as she has her other grandchildren.

DSD said she couldn’t come to the funeral as work was busy and she couldn’t get time off, she’s 24.

Tonight my DD has shown me her instagram stories. Up at 4am queuing for Wimbledon, seems to have spent the day there and is now at Hyde park seeing Gracie Abrams and Noah Kahan.

AIBU to be unbelievably pissed off this is why she didn’t come to my mums funeral when my mum has left her 15k?

I was understanding when it was work but a concert and Wimbledon?!!

DHs response is “she’s young she probably had these plans for a while and we all grieve differently”.

OP posts:
PepsiForEva · 04/07/2025 21:14

I was going to ask questions like 'how long had she known her ' and all that.

But reading your post- It was pretty piss poor of her tbh.

I'm sorry for your loss. Thanks

Unrelated38 · 04/07/2025 21:16

I wouldn't go to a funeral instead of a concert I'd bought tickets for. Your mum doesn't care who was there. Funerals are for the living and no one should be obliged to attend.

CoffeeCakeAndALattePlease · 04/07/2025 21:16

I think it’s poor that she was dishonest about it. But I don’t think she should have to attend a funeral if she doesn’t want to, whatever the reason.

Genevieva · 04/07/2025 21:16

If it wasn’t for the ingratitude then I’d say she’s a stepdaughter who has only known your mother since she was 16, but the ingratitude it implies re the inheritance and the lies are pretty low.

PeapodMcgee · 04/07/2025 21:17

Funerals are horrible, not compulsory, and I would rather everyone went to Wimbledon quite frankly.

McCartneyOnTheHeath · 04/07/2025 21:17

It's not great behaviour, but she's not your DSD's granny, so I can see why she didn't feel the need to go. You're not obliged to go to someone's funeral just because they've left you money. Although I admit it would be polite.

Radionowhere · 04/07/2025 21:18

That's awful OP. At 24 she should know better

Sorry for your loss.

Fringle · 04/07/2025 21:19

Your step-daughter has done wrong.

I’m sorry for your loss. And for your step-daughter’s unthinking and selfish cruelty.

DysmalRadius · 04/07/2025 21:20

I'm sorry for your loss. Your mum sounds lovely. 💐

Shesellsseashellsnotinmystreet · 04/07/2025 21:20

Not her dgm but bet she's happy to spend her money..
Just be glad your dd's aren't like dh's dd...
Dh should be embarrassed.

3luckystars · 04/07/2025 21:20

Unrelated38 · 04/07/2025 21:16

I wouldn't go to a funeral instead of a concert I'd bought tickets for. Your mum doesn't care who was there. Funerals are for the living and no one should be obliged to attend.

really though? Would that include all relatives?

BlueyNeedsToFuckOff · 04/07/2025 21:20

I think when organising a funeral you check with the people that you think are important to be there that the date works. Everyone else comes if they can.

Not going to a funeral doesn’t mean someone doesn’t care about the person who died.

Smartiepants79 · 04/07/2025 21:21

Well she shouldn’t have lied. And probably shouldn’t have gone to Wimbledon.
But the concert had presumably been booked months ago and potentially cost a lot of money. I don’t think that the money your mother has chosen to gift her has really any bearing on this.

Wolmando · 04/07/2025 21:21

I wouldn't go to a funeral if I had booked something else, the person the funeral is for isn't going to know who's there or not

EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 04/07/2025 21:22

Poor behaviour (given her inheritance and that she knew your Mum) that deserves to be challenged

Lins77 · 04/07/2025 21:22

I'd be upset.

Sorry for your loss, OP.

PinkyFlamingo · 04/07/2025 21:22

She shouldn't have lied.

ClimbingMountKilimounjaro · 04/07/2025 21:22

“We all grieve differently” - rubbish! She is not grieving at all. How disrespectful of her to miss the funeral of someone who thought enough of her to treat her equally to their own grandchildren.
I hope at least your own children are treating you with care and support.
I’m sorry for your loss. Losing a parent is so hard whatever the circumstances.

PhilippaGeorgiou · 04/07/2025 21:24

I would have respected her decision if she hadn't lied. But the lie is disrespect to her stepmother who have given her years of support, and deserved better. I presume she'll be handing over the inheritance to her half siblings since she has so litle concern about the family who raised her and treated her as an equal part of it.

I think I would find it hard to speak to her for a very long time.

OlyRoller · 04/07/2025 21:24

I have no problem with this and think you don't really like your stepdaughter.

Im with your husband. Spend your energy on something else instead of being angry.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/07/2025 21:24

If she already had tickets to a concert, I wonder why she didn’t feel able to tell you that, and this date be avoided?

Screamingabdabz · 04/07/2025 21:24

She left her £15k and she couldn’t even be arsed to pay her respects? I am pretty tolerant about the arrogance of youth but this is next level disrespect. She’s a bad apple.

upandleftthenright · 04/07/2025 21:24

That’s awful. Cannot believe people defending this. It’s basic manners. Some people have such low standards of doing the right thing.

Original poster
GillieLo · 04/07/2025 21:25

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/07/2025 21:24

If she already had tickets to a concert, I wonder why she didn’t feel able to tell you that, and this date be avoided?

We live in Brighton, she’d have been able to leave after the service and go to the concert if she had really wanted!

OP posts:
Overtheatlantic · 04/07/2025 21:25

I would call out the lie and tell her point blank that she doesn’t deserve the inheritance.