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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DSD going to Wimbledon and a concert instead of my mums funeral

587 replies

GillieLo · 04/07/2025 21:12

My mum passed recently, this wasn’t a shock as she had been ill for a while but none the less we are devastated.

I have 2 bio children and DSD who has been in my life for 8 years, she was friendly with my mum and my mum has left her just as much as she has her other grandchildren.

DSD said she couldn’t come to the funeral as work was busy and she couldn’t get time off, she’s 24.

Tonight my DD has shown me her instagram stories. Up at 4am queuing for Wimbledon, seems to have spent the day there and is now at Hyde park seeing Gracie Abrams and Noah Kahan.

AIBU to be unbelievably pissed off this is why she didn’t come to my mums funeral when my mum has left her 15k?

I was understanding when it was work but a concert and Wimbledon?!!

DHs response is “she’s young she probably had these plans for a while and we all grieve differently”.

OP posts:
EineReiseDurchDieZeit · 04/07/2025 21:26

Is her sister not stirring the pot a bit here knowing you’re upset anyway after a hard day?

OlyRoller · 04/07/2025 21:26

She didn't ask for inheritance so I think that shouldn't even be a factor. It was a gift. Gifts shouldn't come with expectations.

GrahamSoup · 04/07/2025 21:26

Did you not check the date with all key people before you booked it though?

Espressosummer · 04/07/2025 21:26

Does she know your mum thought highly enough of her to leave her an inheritance?

SammyScrounge · 04/07/2025 21:27

GillieLo · 04/07/2025 21:12

My mum passed recently, this wasn’t a shock as she had been ill for a while but none the less we are devastated.

I have 2 bio children and DSD who has been in my life for 8 years, she was friendly with my mum and my mum has left her just as much as she has her other grandchildren.

DSD said she couldn’t come to the funeral as work was busy and she couldn’t get time off, she’s 24.

Tonight my DD has shown me her instagram stories. Up at 4am queuing for Wimbledon, seems to have spent the day there and is now at Hyde park seeing Gracie Abrams and Noah Kahan.

AIBU to be unbelievably pissed off this is why she didn’t come to my mums funeral when my mum has left her 15k?

I was understanding when it was work but a concert and Wimbledon?!!

DHs response is “she’s young she probably had these plans for a while and we all grieve differently”.

That was pretty awful, especially when your Mum had accepted her so wholeheartedly. If your DSD has never suffered a bereavement before, she possibly doesn't understand how much you and the rest of the family are feeling.
I think you would be right to pull her up for her selfishness. She should know her behaviour is unacceptable. After you've done that, you can take up your own grieving again.
I'm so sorry that this difficult time was made worse for you by this girl.

BusMumsHoliday · 04/07/2025 21:27

She shouldn't have lied. And I think her dad should speak to her about that.

Would she have been travelling out of London to the funeral and then not been able to get back for the concert? I can see why she might not have wanted to miss an event she presumably paid a considerable amount for. But she should have been honest if that was the case.

Your mum sounds lovely and generous and I'm sorry for your loss.

Wolmando · 04/07/2025 21:27

It sounds like you didn't think she should have had the inheritance anyway, regardless of the funeral

Original poster
GillieLo · 04/07/2025 21:28

GrahamSoup · 04/07/2025 21:26

Did you not check the date with all key people before you booked it though?

We are dealing with a large extended family, 10 grandkids, 4 children, sisters/brothers. We tried to work around everyone the best we could but some people had holidays booked for next week, 2 of my nieces at Scottish unis had graduation this week etc.
I don’t think we would have been able to take a concert (which she could have made if she came to the service and skipped Wimbledon anyway) into account.
She didn’t tell us about the concert at all though.

OP posts:
Wishitsnows · 04/07/2025 21:29

It’s not her relative so she probably isn’t grieving. She will no doubt feel sad in her own way just doesn’t feel the need to be there

MsTamborineMan · 04/07/2025 21:29

If she's had the concert tickets a while then I probably wouldn't miss a concert and Wimbledon to go to a funeral

I also think your DD is stirring the pot by telling you the day of your mother's funeral

Sansan18 · 04/07/2025 21:29

She's been disrespectful and she's lied, she's too old to have done either.
Even if you go with the argument that funerals are for the living she's disrespected you and your children.I'd find it hard to get around this to be honest.

murasaki · 04/07/2025 21:30

Why did your daughter show you her Instagram? That wasn't helpful at all.

Frostynoman · 04/07/2025 21:30

Low moral fibre. Also has me questioning your husbands.

I am sorry for your loss

ButteredRadish · 04/07/2025 21:30

What a selfish, heartless bitch she is! She’s been handed £15k from someone she’s not even related to and she couldn’t even be bothered to pretend to care for 2 hours at the funeral? Yeah I’d be furious and would never speak to her again (after making the suggestion that she split the £15k between my kids; Although I realise I can only suggest this. I can’t demand she do it as legally it’s hers, but I’d be telling her she needs to do the decent thing. After which, I’d never ever speak to her again. Never.

2chocolateoranges · 04/07/2025 21:31

Unrelated38 · 04/07/2025 21:16

I wouldn't go to a funeral instead of a concert I'd bought tickets for. Your mum doesn't care who was there. Funerals are for the living and no one should be obliged to attend.

I didn’t go to my uncles funeral, I thought he was a total arsehole (as did most of the family but they felt obliged to go, I didn’t).

he only thing DSD did wrong was lie, she should just have been honest.

what your mum left her in her will is irrelevant and shouldn’t be used against her.

ButteredRadish · 04/07/2025 21:31

MsTamborineMan · 04/07/2025 21:29

If she's had the concert tickets a while then I probably wouldn't miss a concert and Wimbledon to go to a funeral

I also think your DD is stirring the pot by telling you the day of your mother's funeral

Even the funeral of a person who left you £15k?!?!?

RCJJ · 04/07/2025 21:33

She’s likely had these tickets for a while, worried about the reaction and pretended she couldn’t get the day off instead. Don’t get me wrong, that’s poor of her - but it’s the sort of thing I know I’d try and rationalise in my head at 24 too. She’s a fool for posting all over social media though, especially today.

It’s an extremely emotional day OP so try not to let it get to you too much. The funeral isn’t the only day to grieve and remember those we loved. Sleep on it, chat to your DH again tomorrow and see if he can have a word with her about how it’s upset you that she’s lied about it, whatever the reason.

So sorry for your loss x

BlueyNeedsToFuckOff · 04/07/2025 21:34

ButteredRadish · 04/07/2025 21:31

Even the funeral of a person who left you £15k?!?!?

Show quote history

I don’t think the inheritance / amount of inheritance is relevant at all.

Money =/= how much you care about someone.

Kreepture · 04/07/2025 21:34

ButteredRadish · 04/07/2025 21:31

Even the funeral of a person who left you £15k?!?!?

Show quote history

i wasn't aware inheritance came with strings.

I wouldn't skip wimbledon and a concert i've had plans for, for a funeral of a step relative either, 15K or not.

MsTamborineMan · 04/07/2025 21:35

ButteredRadish · 04/07/2025 21:31

Even the funeral of a person who left you £15k?!?!?

Show quote history

You don't have to go to the funeral of someone to mourn them or respect them. Personally I would expect anyone to miss a music event in Hyde Park and wimbledon to go to my funeral

It's very kind of OPs mum to give her DSd an inheritance, but she's not obligated to go to the funeral.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 04/07/2025 21:35

That’s pretty shit IMO. Funerals are for the living, and going to funerals shows those closest to the deceased that you care. I always go if I can possibly manage it. Your DSD has just shown that she doesn’t care.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 04/07/2025 21:35

Does she actually know about the inheritance?

Do you know Wimbledon was definitely today/that it wasn’t with work? Itsva shame she lied but she shouldn’t be obliged to go to the funeral.

EasyTouch · 04/07/2025 21:35

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Lins77 · 04/07/2025 21:36

It's not just about the money. It's disrespectful. - not just to the deceased person but to those left behind. I'm surprised so many people are defending it.

My mother in law - my son's step-grandmother - died recently and there's no way he wouldn't have gone to the funeral.

Roosch · 04/07/2025 21:36

Sorry for your loss.

This is why we should not consider step children and step grandchildren as our own - because they don’t care about you.

OP, make sure you leave your step daughter out of your own will. Tell her your mum had left her money but she really doesnt deserve it.

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