That no one said I look nice?

[FeelingLowf]

I’ve been very depressed for a while and my personal hygiene was not great as I was severely depressed. I stopped caring about how I look and I looked a state. No matter at home, school run or work I wore same thing: either black leggings or grey leggings with a long sleeve top in winter and shorter sleeve tops. Zero make up.

I decided for my kids sake I was going to change as I don’t even like to have photos with them.

Today was a get together with my eldest daughter’s class in school and I made a lot of effort. I had my hair cut and blow dryed, got new makeup and they tried it on me so I had it all done. I wore a lovely new dress and for first time in 3 years had my legs waxed. I felt really nice and felt good about myself.

what upset me is not one person said I look nice, not my husband, my friends at school, my work colleagues or even the school mums I chat to everyday.

I just feel really sad about it.

I never comment on how people look. Mainly because I don't notice any differences in haircut, make up etc but also because I absolutely hate when people do it to me.

Same here. Saying you look nice might be taken as saying you normally don't. I expect people were thinking it but didn't want to cause offence.

It may be because they didn’t want it to look like they’re saying you normally look awful. It could also be jealousy.

I find that no one ever compliments me, even when I can tell that I look amazing! But I don’t honestly care because I know I look and feel good.

it’s a shame your husband didn’t say anything, maybe you could bring it up with him? Sometimes they think you look great but they just don’t realise you want them to say something

I really don't think it's that.

I had my hair cut and blow dryed, got new makeup and they tried it on me so I had it all done. I wore a lovely new dress and for first time in 3 years had my legs waxed.

I never comment on physical appearance so would not comment on your hair. I doubt I would even notice make-up and leg waxing, but I wouldn't comment.

I do complement people on clothes, if I actually liked the item. I would say "great dress/ coat/ jacket" but never "you look lovely"

I'm sure you looked lovely OP. Did you feel nice?, cos that's all that matters in all this. Try not to take it personally, people are just caught up with other things . (Husband out if order though!)Good for you on making that effort, I know how difficult it can be. And when you have down days, look back on this and remember how good you felt - for you and no one else.

I agree that some people might be weary to say this incase you take it the wrong way, and think God I obviously look like a dishevelled mess usually than. I do think your husband should have complimented you though. It might be time for a little chat?
And remember confidence comes from within, and I bet you looked beautiful!

Did it make you feel good? Did you feel pretty? That’s all that matters! Do it for yourself not for other to notice. I’ve had my full face on every day since I was 16, no matter how I feel, no matter what I’m doing even if I don’t leave the house or see anyone! I do it for me and it makes me feel good…so as long as you noticed that you looked good and it made you happy, that’s all you need!

Why do you need their approval? Your husband should have said something though.

I generally refrain from telling someone they look nice because I don’t want it to sound as if the person doesn’t look nice al the time. I tend to compliment shoes and clothing, and do mean it because I say it unprompted.

What if they didn't say anything to not upset you making the comparison of how you were looking before?
You have said you were not paying attention and struggling with depression. Greet you look know is a reminder of how you were looking before not long ago.
I would carry on with the chin up and making an effort for myself. Leave the time pass and I'm sure someone close to you will ask or comment on the improvement.

or maybe being a partner to someone going through depression took a toll on him too 😒

Did your kids notice? I would try not to put too much emphasis on what others say or think. YOU felt good. That’s why you do it. People make first impressions and judgments without even knowing it, so the fact you turned up presentable and clean will have given everyone you saw a good impression whether they said so or not. Also, would you just go up to someone and compliment them at school? People may be shy to speak their minds

I sometimes comment on clothes or jewellery because it’s something the person chose so it’s complimenting their taste if you say the dress is pretty or something. I hope I’m not bothering people by doing that, I might stop.

Would never say anything about weight, hair or makeup because that’s different somehow. If someone suddenly looked much better than usual I’d only say something if they brought it up first, because that’s kind of opening up the topic.

I never get any compliments unless I wear a Liverpool top (did today! I live abroad so there’s not that many LFC fans around) then I occasionally get a thumbs up and you’ll never walk alone.

If you've been looking a bit sorry for yourself for a while, people simply won't have commented because they won't have wanted to say anything that drew attention to how you looked previously. People do know that the repeated wearing of the same drab outfit is probably MH related. I suppose a massive, excessively strong empath might have recognised that you'd like a compliment, but I think most people out of politeness would have wanted you to think they hadn't noticed, in a good way, that you have had this change of approach. I actually think it is much nicer and kinder that they just took the change in their stride.

As to your husband, is it something he did previously? Mine doesn't - he simply doesn't notice. I got him to drive me to the hairdresser recently, so he knew exactly where I was...I came out hours later with 5 inches lopped off, a different colour, and he absolutely didn't notice. Eventually - a day later, mind - he said "oh, your hair isn't as stripey as it was at the old salon". What the hell should I do with that? Nothing at all. And, to be fair, I barely notice when he's been to the barber. In fact, I never notice - I'm worse than him.

So my take is that people were being kind and nice, and supportive in their silence. And you can't rely on a husband for "noticing things", but then you can't necessarily rely on a wife either 😆

Good on you for making a change for yourself op. I think
its unfair of you to expect this from other people though. They might not know what to say/say the wrong thing

Oh that's sad he didn't say anything though when he knew you were literally in the hairdressers, and had infact driven you there! I can understand not noticing a subtle change, but something like that would bother me. I'd have to say, "Well..." 🤔

I sometimes comment on clothes or jewellery because it’s something the person chose so it’s complimenting their taste if you say the dress is pretty or something. I hope I’m not bothering people by doing that, I might stop.

Same here. I really like that type of compliment because as you it's a compliment the person's good taste.

I reckon a lot noticed but often people are wary about commenting on appearance.

That does sound disappointing, especially your own husband but people may have noticed and not wanted to say anything. I would usually only say “you look great” to a friend rather than an acquaintance at the school gates or colleague (unless they were also a friend). The main thing is that YOU felt like you looked good because you’d made an effort, so try and maintain that confidence.

Maybe they thought that commenting on how nice you look today could be construed as meaning that normally you normally don't look good. They will be used to not commenting on your appearance as it must have been obvious that you were going through a hard time and they probably just felt awkward and didn't know what to do or say.

This. I would be afraid of upsetting you.

But good for you! Do it for you, not anyone else.

I’d be hesitant comment on anyone’s appearance. It’s a minefield. What if they think I’m saying usually they look shit? What if I say “you look well” they think I mean they’ve put on weight? What if they’ve been to a job interview they don’t want to tempt fate by taking a
bout? What if they’re having an affair??? Yes I’m an over thinker so may well think someone looks nice but unless we’re v close I’m not mentioning it.

I can make the whole place shimmer✨

This! And I often avoid complimenting people because I worry about it somehow being taken the wrong way. I’m not sure if ever not enjoyed a compliment though. I must try and be more confident in complimenting.

I’m certain OP that people’s worry of offending has been the problem. It’s a bit shit your husband didn’t compliment you though. I bet you looked fabulous!