That no one said I look nice?

[FeelingLowf]

I’ve been very depressed for a while and my personal hygiene was not great as I was severely depressed. I stopped caring about how I look and I looked a state. No matter at home, school run or work I wore same thing: either black leggings or grey leggings with a long sleeve top in winter and shorter sleeve tops. Zero make up.

I decided for my kids sake I was going to change as I don’t even like to have photos with them.

Today was a get together with my eldest daughter’s class in school and I made a lot of effort. I had my hair cut and blow dryed, got new makeup and they tried it on me so I had it all done. I wore a lovely new dress and for first time in 3 years had my legs waxed. I felt really nice and felt good about myself.

what upset me is not one person said I look nice, not my husband, my friends at school, my work colleagues or even the school mums I chat to everyday.

I just feel really sad about it.

Does anyone have a household where one partner earns over the 60000 threshold and one earns less than 10000? Because of this we have to pay back a percentage of child benefit. Up until now we've never claimed but things are potentially going to get tight soon. I work 2 days a week and contribute towards bills but with the cost of nursery fees and breakfast and after school clubs it's not feesable to work more until they're both at school. My other half is dreading the idea of filling out forms etc and paying chunks back so he doesn't see it as an option but if I can get my head around the process to pay the percentage back so we can have that little bit of help until they're both at school and I can work full time I really want to do it. Can anyone explain the process of claiming and paying back to me please? I've never claimed any sort of benefit so I'm really unsure how it all works. Thanks in advance.

This does not belong here, just like the ducks in the toilet, the yellow ones are ok but there is a spotty one and it’s out of place.

This is really sad for a number of reasons. Your husband should have commented. However, when I’ve made an effort I KNOW I look amazing so don’t need anybody to tell me and assume they’re intimidated 😂

This. I think it's a case of can't do right for doing wrong.

I am kind and supportive and a good listener but I don’t comment on people’s appearance and absolutely NEVER acknowledge if they’ve lost weight (because I wouldn’t comment if they’ve gained weight)

i bet you looked great, and I hope you felt great and are rightly proud of yourself.

maybe people were nervous of making a thing of saying, worried it would be perceived as them really noticing a change, thus hinting you don’t normally look nice IYSWIM

I bet you looked fab, and you say you felt good about yourself, which is THE most important thing.

Bugger other people.

Well done on turning a corner. When I go out looking good I rarely get a look or comment but I feel good looking good :-)

Sorry I don’t mean this to come across rude but people are not focused on you. Are you close to these people or are they more mums your speak to on the school run because of the kids?

Personally I wouldn’t comment on anybody’s appearance unless I knew them very well

Well done on turning yourself around for your kids though!

Oh my gosh I made a separate post but posted it on your thread somehow. I'm so sorry. I don't even know how I've done this 😂 I've never used the app before and I'm not very familiar with it. Thanks for letting me know Anotherbrickin!

OP I completely understand you feel deflated after putting so much effort in but I agree with many other that people don't notice what we do about ourselves. As an example I saw my friend today. She's feeling low and has had very minimal sleep for days on end because of her new baby. She wasn't as glam as I sometimes see her but to me she's still my beautiful vibrant friend. I can't remember if she had makeup on today. But I remember our chats and our laughs. I definitely agree that our acceptance of ourselves should come from us. Not others. Though that is something I myself an still working on. It's not easy. I so glad you're feeling more yourself. Let this be the start of a journey to love yourself, the others will follow, and if they ever don't, it won't matter ❤️ x

Oh my gosh I wouldn't have even realised if you hadn't have commented 🙈 thank you! X

Great answer!

Yep.. there's a mum at school I know enough to say hi too, have a few words with, who's lost a LOT of weight in the last year. I'd never comment though because it's pointing out she was big before I guess.. I think people are just wary off accidentally offending someone.

I try to be a thoughtful person. If I see someone has done something different I'll try to find something I can genuinely compliment eg that's a beautiful dress, I love your shade of lipstick/eyeshadow, your hair is looking fantastic today / your hair looks so nice like that.

I think of the times people say random things like that to me, and it makes you feel good.

I felt really nice and felt good about myself.

Can you capture, savour and bottle this feeling.
I have been on a similar journey and I am delighted with myself - you should be too. Keep it up for your DCs even if you cant do it for yourself all the time.

I am a big believer in outside in approach for shifting depression.

Well done on the turn around and taking an interest in yourself.
I know it's hard to drag yourself out of that black hole.
By managing that it's no small feat.
You should be very proud of yourself.

I would have noticed this and felt very happy for you. But I wouldn't have mentioned it to you unless you were my friend. I would have made said I like your dress or something generic.

Did you say to anyone else they looked nice? (A situation where someone might respond in kind?) I would be wary of commenting to someone about their appearance unless they brought it up first for fear of causing offence.

With regards to your husband does he normally compliment you ? Mines terrible at compliments and rarely dies so as he finds them awkward.

The other thing to remember is this was a big step for you, but unless you told others how important this was to you it wasn’t a big step for them.

Own what you did and be proud of yourself, you don’t need others validation.

Honestly OP, I'm sad to say I find many school mums either distracted or very self absorbed so it's likely they didn't even notice or that you didn't look as bad tk begin with as you thought. A bit sad that your DH didn't say anything though.

If your dh is anything like mine, he probably barely notices such things anyway. I used to say that mine wouldn’t notice if I went out topless with my nipples painted green. He’s still a lovely dh, though.

Did they comment on how terrible you looked before?

You probably didn't look THAT bad. I could smell you from here though (that was a joke, OK?)

We live in a world where complimenting a fellow-worker on their appearance can be construed as sexual harassment.

If you've been depressed, your husband has probably learned not to make personal comments. Go up to him tonight and ask for a cuddle. Yes, that as well, if you like.

All best wishes.

Only you are interested in you, no idea why you’d expect people who normally have to hold their nose around you to say you look like a normal person.

I don't think it was in intentional. Many people are just self absorbed to notice or make a point in paying a compliment.

They probably noticed but some people awkward at giving compliments, either in case it was received wrongly, or in case they didn’t want you think they were hitting on you!

I thought you looked lovely!

Well done you for making a big effort, shame on your husband for not noticing 😩.
As for others, maybe they weren't comfortable commenting, but the main thing to remember that it's what you feel that really counts 😎